Comment

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 1, 2017 at 8:46pm

Theresa, I say that prayer every night. I would love to have a happy dream about my mom. More than that I wish that I could have one of those dreams where I would be convinced that it was actually my mom.

I listened  to my mom's advice in those last days, but I never really believed the sincerity of it. I'm sure that she meant it. It's just that if the roles had been reversed; if I had been in that hospital bed instead of her, I'm not sure that she could have taken her own advice.

I don't want you to spiral down either. I would ask you to count your blessings. Ask yourself if you can still live a productive life with the blessings that you have at hand. Ask yourself if you can one day live with only the memory of your mom and the knowledge that she will always love you. And always remember that you will see her again.

Comment by Theresa on September 1, 2017 at 7:58pm

Brett my mom used to say The same thing she would tell me you have to live your life I used to say mom stop talking about that Today for some reason was hard for me I looked at her picture this morning before I went to work and said mom I miss you so much and on my way home I said the same thing when I think about it it seems like so long ago since I've seen her heard her and it just gets further as time goes on sometimes I don't know what to say I just read everything everyone writes and sometimes I just sit in silence
Bluebell I feel the same way sometimes it's so overwhelming but I know if I let myself spiral downward I'll be back at the same point I was in when my mother died . Sometimes I say please mom please come to me once in a dream but I am not sure that something like that it's possible maybe it is maybe not

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 1, 2017 at 12:02pm

I think that you have a very good handle on the reality of grief. I think it is nice to hear someone say, "I am learning to accept the loss of my mother." It would be another thing entirely to hear someone say, "I am over the loss of my mother. I have moved on." I think there may be some fools gold to that. If any of you are anything like me, there are going to be times when we will remember our moms, and that's going to hurt badly. The goal for me is to find a measure of peace and to be able to lead a productive life. I will never, "be over" the loss of my mom. We were salt and pepper. I lost a great big part of myself the day mom died. I can get some of it back (hopefully). I can never get all of it back. There are going to be days when all I want to do is be with my mom. I guess the key is to be able to say, "I can't be with mom but I will be okay. I can do this."

I never really had emotional heart to heart conversations with my mom about my everyday problems. Mom and I were very different in some regards. To be honest, sometimes I knew exactly what her advice would have been, I didn't agree with it, I didn't want to hear it, and I didn't want to argue about it." But what separated my mom from everyone else that I know is that she always had my back. I could screw up. She would be angry at me, but she would still stand behind me 100%. That unconditional love was always there. I was always her son and she was always my mom.

Even our conversations about her impending death were not always peaceful for me. She would say things like, "Brett, people die. You have to move on. Live your life." Sometimes though it is not the words that are said. The eye contact. Just a look that she would give me could melt my heart. She was worried about leaving me. She knew that I was worried about being without her. Some of those moments will always be frozen in time.

Comment by BLUEBELL on September 1, 2017 at 11:21am

Grieving the loss of my Mom has and is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The sadness is so overwhelming at times, I can barely breath. I wish someone could take my pain away. But all they can do is listen and support me the best that they can. This wound will never totally heal. It will develop a scab and then seem to heal, but a thought or an incident will open it up again. I am trying my best to live with this reality. What is interesting is that I have always been afraid to upset my Mom. So I rarely did I go to her with my problems because I did not expect her to be able to comfort me emotionally. But she was always around to take care of us the best she could. I love her for that and I miss her with all my heart. Even though she was emotionally fragile, she was able to function well despite this. To me, this made her strong of character. I admire her for this and I want to be like her. During this intense grief period, I am doing my best to be a functional adult while I am experiencing and accepting the pain of losing her.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 31, 2017 at 8:15pm

Ya know something that kind of makes me sad? Since joining this community, starting therapy, and just being more open with people about my struggle, well... more people know about my struggle, but it has not changed anything. That is not meant to be a shot at anyone. It just means that there is nothing on earth that I can do to bring my mom back. That is a problem that just can't be fixed. That is the core of our grief. We reach out but our moms can't reach back. There are times in life when we just need our moms. What a sad twist of fate it is that we need them the most after they die.

I keep thinking of the line from Winnie the Pooh. It was something like, "If you live to be 100 years old, I want to live to be 100 years old minus one day. That way I will never have to spend a day without you."

Losing my mom has been a sad reality. We sure can't get time back. It's hard to imagine that there was a time when I could call my mom on the phone or just hug the snot out of her. It wasn't that long ago but it feels like an eternity ago.

Today I had a meeting with my minister. He invited me to the church for they laying on of hands. It was he and one other minister. I really appreciated it. There was one set of hands missing though. I wish that I could have felt my moms hands on my shoulders, too.

He was trying to explain to me that my mom is still aware of me. He told me that my mom is a part of God now and that they share the same heart. He told me that because God is sad for me, that my mom is sad for me as well. I would like to say that it helped to hear that. Maybe it did at the time. There are no words that I have heard that can truly console me. They may exist but I have not heard them yet. I feel like I am a million light years away from my mom, and I don't know how to find her. There was a time when she would be sitting right next to me now. 

When mom would leave me a not like, "Gone to the store. Be back soon.", I was cool with that. I knew where she was and that she would be home soon. Now I feel like I have received this note, "Gone to heaven. I won't be coming back."

Am I happy that my mom is in heaven? Absolutely. I just wish that she could have taken me with her.

Comment by Theresa on August 31, 2017 at 7:45pm

Me too!

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 31, 2017 at 7:31pm

I hear ya.

Comment by BLUEBELL on August 31, 2017 at 10:48am

" Where there is faith, there is hope." I wish faith and hope came in pill form so I could take a daily dose as needed.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 30, 2017 at 10:29pm

After my mom died, and I mean directly after, I started caring for a neighbor who had just started Hospice. She asked me to do for her what I did for my mom. That was impossible. I did what I could.

I wish peace for all of us as well. Peace is so elusive. I don't think it is a matter of God denying us peace. I know that in my case it is a matter of denying myself peace. 

I have many reasons to be scared right now. I have never gone into those reasons on this site. If ever there was a time that I needed my mom it is right now. That's not possible. I pray so much.

I don't know what each of your own personal battles with grief are like. I wish you all well. I wish that I could find the words that would make everyone here feel better. I can't even find the words to make myself better.

Geez I love my mom. You guys know sure know that feeling. We're in this together. I'll keep praying for us all. Where there is faith there is hope.

Comment by BLUEBELL on August 30, 2017 at 10:42am

You are right. Though I have compassion and empathy for my patient's and their families, there is a separation that makes it possible for me to function as a nurse. That is the way it should be. Do I worry about them and wonder what more I could do to ease their emotional and physical pain? Yes, yes, yes. Does it sometimes keep me up at night or do I think about my patient's and their families during the day? Yes, yes, yes. Do I mourn when they pass away? You bet. But the intensity is not there because the only history I have with them is sometimes a day, a week or months. It was not from birth like I had with my Mom.

If I had been your Mom's Hospice nurse, I am sure during the time I took care of her, I would have loved you both. I would have wanted to ease your emotional pain of your impending loss, but I know that would not be possible. All I could do would be to support you while you are going through it. What you did for your Mom was a very unselfish thing. You allowed her to be with you at home and when it was time, you let her go. Where she is , she is fine. We are the ones that are hurting. I think during this grieving process, there come a time where we realize that we will always miss them, but we must go on. It is human nature to want to survive and that is what we are doing. I pray that all of us have moments of peace, no matter how short those moments may be. I pray that those moments of peace gives us hope that there will be more to come. 

Bluebell

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 166
• 167
• 168
• 169
• 170
• …
• 542
• Next ›
• Page