Silvia maria's Blog (53)

Health in context of grief

Safe to assume the deffenses go down with the spirits. But in all fairness I´ve been sick for a while since I had the back surgeries, and it´s sometimes hard to separe effects from feeling ups and downs to the food and habits healthy and unhealthy. Added to that the idea that I will be ok and doctors don´t seem to  do much more for me these days. Neverhteless, some times I go to fix one thing and the medication side effects harm in some ways or the pain meds have caused me to faint and break…

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Added by silvia maria on September 17, 2017 at 8:00am — No Comments

How to avoid old patterns of being frozen in time in the NON ACTION

As i am moving on to making my way back to work these days, seems I have to avoid the MENTAL state whereas the mind goes into some FROZEN state whereas I am unabe to move on in a healthy manner. See once we decided to leave that state of mind whereas the self pitty pot is full and the gun of frustration pointed at self, justified hurting or not that keeps me back to a state of NON ACTION or POOR REACTION, where self blame mixes with the stan still place....well, times changed. I realize I…

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Added by silvia maria on September 9, 2017 at 3:30am — No Comments

Does religion help?

I consider myself spiritual and not much in favour of organized religion. But lately I thought that could perhaps help to bring some peace or have some positive impact, So for the last  weeks I have been going once a week to this evangelic church witch I quite enjoy the visits. In the beggining was some help to put more peace in my heart and feel better. And that had a positive impact however I needed that new boost the next week or things would feel heavier somehow. Some weekes later I…

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Added by silvia maria on September 8, 2017 at 5:30pm — 2 Comments

How do we treat ourselves....?

Here is a reality check I was faced with very recently. I had to take vitamins after my doctors persistent advice and I got a few extra pounds. Nothing much but enough to bring bullying from a very unlikely source. A friend that recently separated, a guy who insisted to say every single time he saw me that I was FAT. Even though most my friends would say the complete opposite. That I look healthier. In fact was so many times I heard from the same friend (also my neighbour) that I came to the…

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Added by silvia maria on July 16, 2017 at 8:30am — No Comments

Patterns of thinking...how do we change? HEALING

It´s not easy to trade old patterns for new ones. THere is something to be said about comfort zone, and how we resort to that when anything is outside what we know or we think it should go. Takes so much effort to make where we are remotelly OK, that it´s peaceful achieved only by slowing down the thinking and allowing ourselves just to be. But all in all...how do we make a shift into the new things with the calm and peace we need? HEALING takes time, and there is so much effort that will…

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Added by silvia maria on July 4, 2017 at 12:21pm — No Comments

Remember this...KARMA is a bitch. Don´t do to others what you wouldn´t like done to you!

Here am I taking care of my life outside the crap realms of most HUMAN UNKINDNESS. You probably kniow what I think about dating...pathetic exercise, the right person will show and unless you trust God you may spend a life time trying with the wrong ones....you know how that goes. What goes around comes around. Anyhow. My dad had to travel and sent my oldest sister to the mall with me to help me buy a cell he is giving me as a gift. So although it´s an unlikely company since all the…

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Added by silvia maria on June 27, 2017 at 2:05pm — No Comments

Remember this...KARMA is a bitch. Don´t do to others what you wouldn´t like done to you!

Here am I taking care of my life outside the crap realms of most HUMAN UNKINDNESS. You probably know what I think about dating...pathetic exercise, the right person will show and unless you trust God you may spend a life time trying with the wrong ones....you know how that goes. What goes around comes around. Anyhow. My dad had to travel and sent my oldest sister to the mall with me to help me buy a cell he is giving me as a gift. So although it´s an unlikely company since all the…

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Added by silvia maria on June 27, 2017 at 2:00pm — No Comments

Definition of MOVING ON

To a lot of people MOVING ON means something TANGIBLE. Such as a new relationship, new job, or new YOU. Well I´d say the true MOVING ON DEFINITIOn is so very far from the TANGIBLE. It´s more like cracking, dive in the dumps of self, craving what isn´t where we look for anything. It´s a dark place where light enters gradually and not as easy as it seems. Anyone can have a new relationship....but not everyone can have a new relationship with SELF trully emerging out at once. It´s not…

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Added by silvia maria on June 26, 2017 at 2:13pm — No Comments

Shifting the GRIP to LIFE PATTERNS

It´s when we realize that no one can reach us but ourselves, that we realize that what we dislike the most in others are just part of ourselves that must be improved. I know it looks cliche. Like something we heard but its easier said than done. Because the traits we dislike is not the traits we dislike in ourselves, of course we aren´t alike in so many ways, but the general pattern of what we attract do show fear motivation in parallell, perhaps not in ways we can see in a first glance.…

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Added by silvia maria on June 26, 2017 at 8:00am — No Comments

Moving on ia by all means an ALONE process

I find that anyone getting too close when you are trying to pick up the pieces is more damaging than beneficial. And that is because in their hopes and aspirations for us they TRAP US in the outcome suitable or perhaps minimal acceptable by them. Excuse me, but with my full mindset barely knowing where and how I am going, I rather keep an open mind where this all will arrive, Sometimes its more like a roller coaster just as is pushing myself up and doing a thing at a time, the uncertain is…

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Added by silvia maria on June 25, 2017 at 8:30pm — No Comments

Taking refugee of this shallow world...is a MUST sometimes

So here is my situation. I an attractive woman well versed about many topics and a writer of excellence in the cience wich is largeli a choice of a INTROSPECTIVE PERSON. Faced with LOTS male attraction. Sometimes I find myself in struggles that aren´t my own at all, Such as dates and craps that comes with lots of MALE attention that do anything BUT HAVE my FULL ATTENTION. Mostly because its shallow. At times some expect me to be AVAILABLE all times just because I am sick. Of course there are…

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Added by silvia maria on June 25, 2017 at 7:23pm — No Comments

how does it feel to be no longer a caretaker?

Ok so after so much debate around the mother issue since her caretakin was taken over by my elder sister in a very aggressive move...here we are now. I refuse to visit because meeting the conditions to visit are pathetic to say the least. I am suppose to go to a clinic and don´t correct any negligence I see after registrering and sending to police. Holy crap, hell no. Then sister was suppose to change place but never did. THen she was suppose to arrange mother to visit here and also never…

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Added by silvia maria on June 17, 2017 at 10:17am — No Comments

taking responsibility vs NO GUILT

It´s funny how life is. When we deal with pressures it´s all bad news. It´s the rebel that gets quiet or puts up a fight....we give back in more than anyone deserves any good or crap. Because that energy is needed to go forward, and sometimes it´s an inside the mind process. In everyone´s lives come a time to separate self from everybody else. And although relationships are welcome they tend to freeze in whatever they know of us. And came to expect so little and most times we are down we…

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Added by silvia maria on June 9, 2017 at 3:31pm — No Comments

Mountain everest climbing....and yet some are eager to ask for MORE.

Here is my situation. I have broken ribs and trying to keep up the best I can with my obligations and god nows how hard it is. So here I find myself fighting for my own health and my family health, and there is this aunt that engages in a conversation with me that is DISTURBING to say the least. She was questioning my trip to a lawyer versus a trip to the hospital to see my mother. Yeah, I wonder how much she wants my body, my pain, and MY LIFE and having to comre across this nonsense. She…

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Added by silvia maria on June 5, 2017 at 11:32am — No Comments

When life doesn´t go MY WAY

Ok that´s odd. I have 3 fractured ribs. My drs and I had a hard time to grap the motive, a simple fall from my own height for a medicine peak of low blood pressure. What is even more amazing is how the people around us react when we don´t know what´s wrong but know there is suffering and pain. You know the type....the types of people who think she must be exagerating, or pitiful for a second or regretting their own attitude. What does it say about them? I think that´s why we feel like wild…

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Added by silvia maria on May 27, 2017 at 12:00pm — No Comments

How should we FEEL???

Mamazing that many people think they should have a vote to what´s not theirs to start with. FEELINGS, I think each and every human being is entitled to the FULL RANGE of their own feelings. And I wonder when people tell us how to feel...if I get a vote back to jump out their crap...or tell them what I feel about thir standards of whatever is the NORM. Reality is we all feel hurt, lonely, happy, wonderful, ugly, pretty, crying, laughing...you know, just the whole human range, but there is a…

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Added by silvia maria on May 20, 2017 at 10:58am — No Comments

Living LIE....so tempting isn´t it?

I guess coming out of hell looks like everyone has a routine in life much like varius channels in one tv, none of which we can relate. Human race can be inhospitable. And we want to join, and believe in a channel here and there, but none of it sounds like true deeper inside. It´s like watching a dance whereas we are pretending to know the steps but couldn´t care less about doing it, taking part. Relationships are like a bubble and inside lives another being and the best I feel like getting…

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Added by silvia maria on May 18, 2017 at 10:24am — No Comments

The hidden PLACE in time and space inside my MIND

I think it´s safe to assume the mind holds the best refugee camp in the world, like an oasis to the desert. SOmetimes we forget time and space in this inside trip. And brings the same outwards. When we feel opressed or pushed or in any stress event, that hidden place seems like the only heaven we can have on earth. And times like this we connect to the people and events searching for some deeper meaning to make sense of it all. In my case it´s being nothing easy to sort out what is…

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Added by silvia maria on May 17, 2017 at 11:50pm — No Comments

Travel LIGHT

I think that most of us being through the craps of life in 2st person, 2nd, 3rd or all 3 at same time; can use a little less weights to carry. Keeping the relationships light or as light as possible, responsibilities down to the basics and not buying into any additional drama can do a lot more good than we think. The tendency is to see all life from a suffering lens in a forever horizon, or alternatively just svery short ter makes feel a little better type of thing. It can be common to enter…

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Added by silvia maria on May 17, 2017 at 3:38pm — No Comments

HOLIDAYS what a trip

So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips…

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Added by silvia maria on May 14, 2017 at 8:26pm — No Comments

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Emma Milner joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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Michaela waldier commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the…"
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Lisa Green commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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When will the ache subside?

A group for people who have lost loved ones with prolonged suffering. For those of us who have seen that the end is coming, and had to watch the ones we love creep toward it.
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Louise replied to Ashley Lounsbury's discussion I lost my daddy to suicide.
"I’m so sorry Ashley, your situation sounds truly horrendous, life seems so unfair. My husband died from suicide on 29/30 September; I have the uncertainty because he disappeared for a night and wasn’t found until the next day, so…"
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Louise posted a blog post

Does Counselling Really Help?

I’ve not been on here for a while, it’s been so hard just trying to get through the days; keeping myself busy, trying desperately hard not to think about things and often failing miserably. I’m so tired of feeling so shitty all the time. I had my first session with a counsellor today, after feeling initially nervous and not wanting to say much everything came out and I cried like a baby. I feel absolutely drained now and very emotional. So my question is this, does counselling really help or…See More
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I feel the same as you it has been 4 years 3 months my wonderful husband died. I wish God would just take me. All I am is a zombie walking around in this hell. Linda   "
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""All I want, like most of the rest of you, is to reunite with my husband.  I want to know he is ok.  I want to hold him again.  I want his love.  The sooner the better." Morgan's words, simple yet so profound,…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird,  I find myself wanting to kick over tables or throw something hard at times and yet my old catholic upbringing kicks in and disallows me to act out but I get the same feelings.  In the beginning I used to kick a cardboard box a…"
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morgan replied to Ashley Lounsbury's discussion I lost my daddy to suicide.
"I really don't know what to say Ashley.  I'm so sorry.  There is some kind of weirdness in this universe that seems to have its way with us when we are not at all prepared for how to handle it.  Death by any means is hard to…"
yesterday
Ashley Lounsbury posted a discussion

I lost my daddy to suicide.

My daddy was a us navy veteran who brutually killed himself on September 27, 2017 at the age of 51.My Daddy had become really emotionally sick in recent years. He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Which of course he didn't believe because he thought that was the Va trying to control him. He became really hard to be around as he has these crazy conspiracy theories and he heard and saw things that didn't exist that proved to him he was right. Then he started believing people were out to…See More
Sunday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm the same way bluebird"
Sunday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And along with being incredibly sad all the time, I am also very angry, all the time.  Right now I want to jump out of my fucking skin, I want to punch everything, I want to yell and scream. I can't even contain this level of anger;…"
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bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Absolutely, Paul.  We do not deserve to live in this hell."
Sunday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"bluebird, As bad as I feel now, I do not look forward to the holidays as this will be the first holiday season without my beloved wife. We also met on a New Year's Eve and I am really dreading that day. I can't see myself lasting years on…"
Sunday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here; I feel just like morgan and everyone else. My husband died five years ago, and my "life" is no better -- in many ways, it is worse, both as a result of his death and due to other factors.  For me, the pain of his death, of…"
Sunday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This seems to be an especially hard time for a lot of us lately. I feel exactly the same way as the previous 4 posters."
Sunday
Marine Marietta posted a group
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Elderley Abuse Mum died

I lost my mum in September. She was subject to elderly abuse by my older sister. I dont know where to start from. The anger and rage I have for my elder sister, its not funny. I try to get the vision out of my head, and how she treated my mother. The pain is excruciating that i feel, I need to join my mother. I spent a week in the crises centre. I hope this grief and anger passes.Question: how do I accept or come to terms with the matter.I do have evidence supported by my other siblings. The…See More
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