Here is a reality check I was faced with very recently. I had to take vitamins after my doctors persistent advice and I got a few extra pounds. Nothing much but enough to bring bullying from a very unlikely source. A friend that recently separated, a guy who insisted to say every single time he saw me that I was FAT. Even though most my friends would say the complete opposite. That I look healthier. In fact was so many times I heard from the same friend (also my neighbour) that I came to the conclusion that this was just that... BULLYING. So, he asked to talk via whatsapp, and I was soon to his case as to why was acceptable for him to bully me. And he went into self pity mode. Blaming me for fighting him. I said no, here there is one victim. Hear me out. You aren´t my doctor, and you don´t live in my body. In fact you can delete my body from your mind and any physical presence of mine and therefore his life could be GREAT. Because EVERYTIME he got to a closer distance all he knew to do was a put down exercise I won´t miss any part. What´s the matter I asked. I asked if he needed to borrow my mirror to look at his own faults and body shape, because even though it is still worse than mine I never comment, because I used to like who he was. But that got old quick after the critiques that were never invited or welcome. He did appologize but then went on commenting on my body saying it´s still ok. Which I was quicker to address, saying listen...my body is MY concern (and my doctor at best) and his body is HIS CONCERN. And happens that we had intimacy in the past. So I added that he doesn´t need to see or touch my bodt ever again because he doesnt deserve any piece of it. But not to worry, I had intimacy with someone else after being called FAT by him, and this person found the same body BEAUTIFUL. Woudn´t change a thing whatever people think of me if I don´t think that of myself. And when I commented on the medicine with this guy I was intimate with, well he didn´t give a shit, he said more positive and comforting WORDS. So, I told thisneighbour the following. Go to your mirror and figd what to like in yourself, because you CAN´T GIVE WHAT YOU DON`T HAVE. And while you have no self respect, you are sending that out to me. Except that I don´t need his shit, never did, and never will. After a while he went quiet on the chat and I blocked. We will still see each other alright, but he knows he is thousands miles further apart from me than ever before. I also said you don´t need to like me or not, but RESPECT is a MUST. And he said I said because I am CLOSE to you and I felt I could do it. I said well, YOU were never ASKED about what you thought of my body, THEREFORE it´s not welcome, never was and never will be welcome. He tried than to make about him being lost, I said you can be lost all you want but in NO TIME disrespect me. Here is what I think. IF I WAS TO POINT ALL YOUR WRONGS (NEGATIVE CRITIQUES) BEFORE I HAD ONE COMPLIMENT ABOUT YOU....AND I KEPT GETTING CLOSE TO YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN AND AGAIN...WHAT WOULD IT SAY ABOUT ME? JERK, RIGHT? So what makes anyone think they have a free pass to be a JERK? If I was getting close again and again and behaving that way, BULLYING, I would distance myself from the person because I woudnt ACCEPT MYSELF TO THE JERK CAPACITY.  But I was proud to confront peacefully. And I did add a few things...I LOVE MYSELF regardless of my weight. If it was your daughter, would you stop loving or love less because of a few pounds? If was my dad, he could be a ton heavier, and I still would love him the same. So, if you can´t love someone the minimumto contribute POSITIVELLY to their well being, and have ANYTHING GOOD to say when you meet,here is a simple solution, DO NOT MEET. Stay at the distance you are comfortable. Because I never needed him as a friend or else. In fact this is not the first time I had this topic or another of DISRESPECT to women TOWARDS ME. And I trust nevertheless it will be the last. Because times and times before I would call him on his shit and delete his phone from my contacts. So he had to contact me to engage or not. And most likely he would meet me in the neighbourhood and make me stay there to listen to how much he missed me and beg to stay closer. I don´t like ABUSIVE PEOPLE. So this time I BLOCKED his contact and told him HI and BY is more than plentywhen you see me walking by. There is nothing else more there I HAVE A PLEASURE TO MEET. Indeed, there is no pleasure in any capacity toknow any person further when this person feels the URGE to put others DOWN. HE denies like any abuser they use trust and do anything they need to get closer just to SPIT in the face in a closer range. So the range is REMOVED once for all. There is no proximity allowed. Stay out of my life for GOOD. How many times one can pretend to be NICE or APPOLOGIZE, that gets old too. Why i am putting this topic up? Because VULNERABILITY means people can do damage to us on a close range that really don´t have anything good to contribute to our best interest and well being. But why he kept coming back in any capacity? I allowed because I accepted appologies. And what happened is that I was in public and meet while busy and both in a rush and I couldnt get to the topic because I would be late for something. But all in all I think there is a craving from a good heart sending out love and some people want to cage and beat up, but once removed from the situation I am sure they can pick up the tab and do this to THEMSELVES. Which is not what I want for anyone, but surely what he does in my absence, since getting closer gets me just in the punching range to what he is doing to himself. It´s good to have my own place and life. AND be friends and allow in life WHO TREATS ME KIND, because THAT IS WHAT I GIVE MYSELF AND OTHERS. And anything less is what it is...their need to make people small. Go do for another person and see how they return this kind of LOVE, because I did the best I could to make myself UNDERSTOOD. It´s always a matter of growing out of things to face them tall and MOVE ON. With my life and surround with positive people. The negatives are out there everywhere but we don´t have to pick up their tabs or have any INTERACTION. They can go their ways and be outside of my life and energy even if they happened to live right next to me. The words and example are set. And I am free from ABUSIVE people and will always be. Because I don´t ABUSE myself or others. Now I want the distance from any conversation that MAY be of a questionable VALUE to my well being. That´s it. DONE with crappy people that don´t seem to appreciate the presence when it was there. So it is....REMOVED my presence. Holy crap!

Views: 21

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Latest Activity

Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear bluebird, There are no words to offer you as you mark the fifth anniversary of your beloved husband's passing. I can only say that I feel deeply for you, and my heart aches at your pain. I know the feeling you are describing only too well.…"
9 hours ago
Amy Cowan joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
10 hours ago
MIchael Ortiz commented on Bethany's blog post Drowning...
"Its been 3 months since I lost my love. I had to do it alone. I hope you have family or someone you can just vent and they just listen.I still feel pain and ups and downs.One second I think I am better and boom.Have no clue what sets it off. Do what…"
11 hours ago
bluebird commented on Bethany's blog post Drowning...
"You aren't doing it to yourself -- your grief and your loss are doing it to you.  It sucks, but that's what grief and loss do.  It's quite common to feel that things are getting better for a while, and then find yourself…"
11 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry, Bluebird. The mornings are a nightmare, I agree, but the late evenings, that prospect of slipping into unconsciousness (if only it could be permanent)can be such a relief. Your steadfast, committed love for your husband shines out…"
11 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, you know that you are not being the least bit irrational. My mom died on Christmas Eve. We all knew that it would be mom's last Christmas. She called him and asked him when he was coming. He said, "I'm not. My roommate is…"
13 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Exactly bluebird."
14 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have to say, Nancy, I envy you the 43 years. My husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, but married for only one week when he died (massive, unexpected heart attack).  But no matter how long a couple is together, when they are truly…"
14 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm exactly where you are bluebird. Only it's only been 4 months. We were married 43 years. Got married young. I know no other life."
15 hours ago
bluebird commented on Mike H.'s blog post Repost: Is It Wrong to Grieve?
"No, of course it is not wrong to grieve.  My husband died 5 years ago today, and I will never stop grieving.  The course of grief and the response(s) to it are different for each person, and no one should ever tell another that…"
15 hours ago
bluebird commented on Beckie Preston's blog post Lost
"Do you have family and/or friends you can turn to for help?  Do you intend to continue with your pregnancy, and, if so, do you plan to keep and raise the baby? I think the emotional support of loved ones would be very helpful to you right now,…"
15 hours ago
bluebird replied to Gabby Freeland's discussion I gave up before everyone else did
"I don't think you should feel bad.  When someone is ill for a long time, it's natural to start grieving quite a long time before that person actually dies.  Besides, you felt that way in part because you didn't want your mum…"
15 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today marks exactly five years since my husband died.  I still wish I had died when he did. For me, it's not the nights that are the worst part, it's the mornings.  Of course I do miss him at night -- I miss cuddling with him, I…"
15 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Had better days than today.  My sister decides to move to my mom's native home for six months with her kids to renovate the house and in my head I'm yelling at her 'what's the use now. she's dead.'  My mom…"
17 hours ago
Patty replied to Karen's discussion STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Wow, that is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.    "
yesterday
Patty commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I just passed 7 years.  Everything Karen said below is ditto for me :'("
yesterday
Karen commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Sadly I seldom come to this page... I am so sorry about that ---  -I just hit a wall at some point where I realized I had nothing helpful to share & did not want to add to anyones pain.  -Brad's 10 year anniversary is drawing…"
yesterday
Karen replied to Karen's discussion STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"All these years later ... And when I do leave my house (as I have become so recluse) ---- I still hear insensitive comments just last week - I was told that not only was this gods plan I agreed to it before I was ever born.   ---- Where do…"
yesterday
Karen is now friends with Judith Borenin and Rita Estes
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's amazing the power of food shared together has.  I have broken down in the grocery store many times, almost every time I went during the first year.  Some things I can't go near and others give me great comfort.  I…"
yesterday

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service