Here is a reality check I was faced with very recently. I had to take vitamins after my doctors persistent advice and I got a few extra pounds. Nothing much but enough to bring bullying from a very unlikely source. A friend that recently separated, a guy who insisted to say every single time he saw me that I was FAT. Even though most my friends would say the complete opposite. That I look healthier. In fact was so many times I heard from the same friend (also my neighbour) that I came to the conclusion that this was just that... BULLYING. So, he asked to talk via whatsapp, and I was soon to his case as to why was acceptable for him to bully me. And he went into self pity mode. Blaming me for fighting him. I said no, here there is one victim. Hear me out. You aren´t my doctor, and you don´t live in my body. In fact you can delete my body from your mind and any physical presence of mine and therefore his life could be GREAT. Because EVERYTIME he got to a closer distance all he knew to do was a put down exercise I won´t miss any part. What´s the matter I asked. I asked if he needed to borrow my mirror to look at his own faults and body shape, because even though it is still worse than mine I never comment, because I used to like who he was. But that got old quick after the critiques that were never invited or welcome. He did appologize but then went on commenting on my body saying it´s still ok. Which I was quicker to address, saying listen...my body is MY concern (and my doctor at best) and his body is HIS CONCERN. And happens that we had intimacy in the past. So I added that he doesn´t need to see or touch my bodt ever again because he doesnt deserve any piece of it. But not to worry, I had intimacy with someone else after being called FAT by him, and this person found the same body BEAUTIFUL. Woudn´t change a thing whatever people think of me if I don´t think that of myself. And when I commented on the medicine with this guy I was intimate with, well he didn´t give a shit, he said more positive and comforting WORDS. So, I told thisneighbour the following. Go to your mirror and figd what to like in yourself, because you CAN´T GIVE WHAT YOU DON`T HAVE. And while you have no self respect, you are sending that out to me. Except that I don´t need his shit, never did, and never will. After a while he went quiet on the chat and I blocked. We will still see each other alright, but he knows he is thousands miles further apart from me than ever before. I also said you don´t need to like me or not, but RESPECT is a MUST. And he said I said because I am CLOSE to you and I felt I could do it. I said well, YOU were never ASKED about what you thought of my body, THEREFORE it´s not welcome, never was and never will be welcome. He tried than to make about him being lost, I said you can be lost all you want but in NO TIME disrespect me. Here is what I think. IF I WAS TO POINT ALL YOUR WRONGS (NEGATIVE CRITIQUES) BEFORE I HAD ONE COMPLIMENT ABOUT YOU....AND I KEPT GETTING CLOSE TO YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN AND AGAIN...WHAT WOULD IT SAY ABOUT ME? JERK, RIGHT? So what makes anyone think they have a free pass to be a JERK? If I was getting close again and again and behaving that way, BULLYING, I would distance myself from the person because I woudnt ACCEPT MYSELF TO THE JERK CAPACITY.  But I was proud to confront peacefully. And I did add a few things...I LOVE MYSELF regardless of my weight. If it was your daughter, would you stop loving or love less because of a few pounds? If was my dad, he could be a ton heavier, and I still would love him the same. So, if you can´t love someone the minimumto contribute POSITIVELLY to their well being, and have ANYTHING GOOD to say when you meet,here is a simple solution, DO NOT MEET. Stay at the distance you are comfortable. Because I never needed him as a friend or else. In fact this is not the first time I had this topic or another of DISRESPECT to women TOWARDS ME. And I trust nevertheless it will be the last. Because times and times before I would call him on his shit and delete his phone from my contacts. So he had to contact me to engage or not. And most likely he would meet me in the neighbourhood and make me stay there to listen to how much he missed me and beg to stay closer. I don´t like ABUSIVE PEOPLE. So this time I BLOCKED his contact and told him HI and BY is more than plentywhen you see me walking by. There is nothing else more there I HAVE A PLEASURE TO MEET. Indeed, there is no pleasure in any capacity toknow any person further when this person feels the URGE to put others DOWN. HE denies like any abuser they use trust and do anything they need to get closer just to SPIT in the face in a closer range. So the range is REMOVED once for all. There is no proximity allowed. Stay out of my life for GOOD. How many times one can pretend to be NICE or APPOLOGIZE, that gets old too. Why i am putting this topic up? Because VULNERABILITY means people can do damage to us on a close range that really don´t have anything good to contribute to our best interest and well being. But why he kept coming back in any capacity? I allowed because I accepted appologies. And what happened is that I was in public and meet while busy and both in a rush and I couldnt get to the topic because I would be late for something. But all in all I think there is a craving from a good heart sending out love and some people want to cage and beat up, but once removed from the situation I am sure they can pick up the tab and do this to THEMSELVES. Which is not what I want for anyone, but surely what he does in my absence, since getting closer gets me just in the punching range to what he is doing to himself. It´s good to have my own place and life. AND be friends and allow in life WHO TREATS ME KIND, because THAT IS WHAT I GIVE MYSELF AND OTHERS. And anything less is what it is...their need to make people small. Go do for another person and see how they return this kind of LOVE, because I did the best I could to make myself UNDERSTOOD. It´s always a matter of growing out of things to face them tall and MOVE ON. With my life and surround with positive people. The negatives are out there everywhere but we don´t have to pick up their tabs or have any INTERACTION. They can go their ways and be outside of my life and energy even if they happened to live right next to me. The words and example are set. And I am free from ABUSIVE people and will always be. Because I don´t ABUSE myself or others. Now I want the distance from any conversation that MAY be of a questionable VALUE to my well being. That´s it. DONE with crappy people that don´t seem to appreciate the presence when it was there. So it is....REMOVED my presence. Holy crap!

Views: 26

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Latest Activity

Marie D commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Brett, I am here, still struggling with deep depression. I need your and others advice, how do you handle Mother’s Day? This will be the first one since Mom passed on Christmas Day. I am overcome with grief, and dread just thinking about…"
40 minutes ago
Madeleine replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Thank you - I totally agree. They never really leave us."
53 minutes ago
Madeleine replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Hi Morgan, I'm so very sorry for your loss and heartbreak. It makes me wonder if asking people to write to their lost one on my website is just too much for many. I really hope people's words can make readers feel less alone in their grief…"
53 minutes ago
morgan replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"Madeleine, what would I do if I could have my husband back for just five minutes? My first reaction would be to run into his arms, hug him and then make mad passionate love like we did so many times and then I would ask him if I could take the pills…"
2 hours ago
dream moon JO B updated their profile
6 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"noy let go but i no ther is afrer lifess coz thy can vist us is m ush is thy need 2 esplyyy wen we need thm "
6 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Jesse's Mom's group Signs from Our Loved Ones
"lst 4 wks iv bean goin 2 spirtalstt churshes lot of pepepel had mesagess off lovesd 1s thy hav evn off e pepeepl it die ovr 60 or 70 or80 yrs go "
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My sister kept some of my mom's voicemail to her. There is no way that I could listen to it. She also took some video footage of her while she was on Hospice. Seeing those would be very painful. Like you, looking through a photo album is so…"
13 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"This is just so hard and I know we are all going through it... I just wish they told me it was going to hurt this much- I would've spent every minute with my mom and learned everything about her :( "
18 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. I do try to honor her but it is so painful.  I attended church service yesterday. I think I did pretty well.  No unexpected outbursts. But then I came home and found an old album of photos, saw a picture of me and my mom…"
18 hours ago
AnneJ. commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Virginia, personally I am convinced, looking back, that my brain put up a shield to protect my mind from the devastating scene of my husband of 20 years dropping to his death in the shower. I'm still 99% nuts and that's the truth.…"
yesterday
Madeleine posted a discussion

What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?

Hi, I'm new to this site and would love to share my new project inspired by the loss of my mom 24 years ago - www.yourjustfiveminutes.com.Just Five Minutes was created to help those dealing with grief reconnect to their lost loved one, either by dreaming the impossible, or by simply reading other peoples' words who may be experiencing a similar sense of loss as you.It asks one question: 'What would you do if... came…See More
yesterday
Victoira Robinson joined Katherine Ellis's group
Thumbnail

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
yesterday
Victoira Robinson joined Jesse's Mom's group
yesterday
Victoira Robinson joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Madeleine updated their profile
yesterday
Kelly Johnson joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Jarvis's blog post After Death Communication
"sum tims u bestt of goin 2 a spirtlshh churshh u r "
Sunday
dream moon JO B commented on Jarvis's blog post After Death Communication
Sunday
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"im begin 2 lern anot o sid  i am mor thn "
Sunday

© 2018   Created by Jarvis.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service