So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips to live without the need to do so. I guess because my mother would make no effort to do much caring for us children growing up and whenever she appeared she made a mess. She divorced and walked away from not only my father but all children. And was my dad who really helped most the kids. Becasue I spent some time with mother best described as hell on earth, I lived in this vaccum where neither one had my back. Father, mother or sisters for the matter of fact. I worked my ass off, and wrecked my back yeah I don´t feel obligated to aything other than taking care myself. But I know who gave me birth. But what extent exactly I am obligated. So I was hoping the iddeas magically would sort themselves out and this answer would come to me or something. But I couldn´t push myself either way. I didn´t want to go and be badly treated and wreck my back, and calling was a little awkward too. I have been quiet and ok that way out the drama and pushing around. At the end I agreed to cal mid to late afternoon. I think the call lasted 2 min max. And I was HAPPY with the RELIEF of the obligation to do something. It´s sad to say all that and feel weird, since I was so present as the caregiver but the whole family crap made it sickening to the bone. And there is a general push around after I show up I can do without. In the end what a holiday is really, sometimes just a cruel reminder of what we are trying to rest our minds from. And as time allown things to settle in my mind and eventually feel better to do any, the HOLIDAY STIRRED up the AWKWARD moment there is. And what´s the use. What I saw is what is, people on edge trying to make this family crap stick although they have not kept the minimum necessary to be any inclusive. In fact, what was I suppose to do? WHat could they expect? I reported to police about negligence there and sister was suppose to relocate and instead just though we would all be loving to be misstreated there overtime since she ALONE DECIDED to pour more money in a clinic that isn´t working, In fact I hear more of the same, misstreating and accidents. People visiting call to tell me. But what´s the use to tell anyone there if they don´t care I went as far as reporting to police...really? Not VIP treatment, that´s for sure. Anyway, maybe GOD is reading my mind and using this for something more meaningful than what i can see. Because what I head in the end of the day is that NOW oldest sister understood she is alone in this and no one buys her or those sdecisions, nd she is desperate to get me involved in the move. Wholy crap, I was doing just that when they shut me off. So, what does it have to do with me now? VALIDATION? I don´t think so. Since my REQUEST TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY WAS RELOCATE long ago, call me crazy or stupid to go with that flow now. They want me to decide now after they disrespected every single decision i made? Sorry, welcome to my shoes a little further down this road ad try me again...really. Lets see they doing a lot and everyone bossing around and disrespecting EVERYTHING THEY DID, than get stressed out while this ABUSIVE people love to push over the edge there, and turn that camera back to the owner, I´m done with any venture heading to just more one guilt trip. I´sd love to be more hopeful about humans, but time after time seeing the shit they can do and blame others, I guess I will stick around my own side now so the blame is real close to real owner for a change. ALL this BULSHIT, done and over with. Now we traded sides you see, they do everything and I go in there when I feel like and blame her. Life is good here right now, on the outside of all thisbullshit. Until some get REAL and get to walk a LOT MORE in my shoes there is no common ground...just a road called blame which we meet at the corner of stuped street. How wonderful, GOD IS INDEED IRONIC! What´s left? Bare minimum and SMILE! SIGHT

Views: 19


You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"That was beautifully said Jon-Paull"
6 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Trina H's discussion Coping with the death of my baby girl
"Her is an interesting resource. (just click or tap on the link) It discusses the Bibles view of Death. Why we die, but especially the hope that the Bible gives us about the future. I hope it helps with some hope and comfort. When a Loved One Dies"
7 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to trav's discussion Death of a soulmate(spouse) : Single, Suicide or moving on in life?
"Haha Trav, She won't let you lol. I've tried. They want Us to fulfill this life before chasing them to the next. I suggest cactus treatment. Maybe even microdosing psilocybin for the reoccurring pain that will never go away. You'll…"
15 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"No. Nobody cares. We have nobody. All we have is Our decisions. The One we love most never leaves Us. We have become One. Is the beauty of true marriage. Not even death can do Us part."
16 hours ago
Richard Rivera added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...


Annette's been dead just under eight months. My grieving hasn't stopped. I try but I keep getting worse mentally and physically. My groin has swollen more and now due to the fluid build its reaching past my knees. Grotesque doesn't come close to the sight of my misshapen body. I am a freak who is stared at whenever I manage to find the slight strength to go out. So it got me to thinking. As homely as I am, as disgusting as I have become, I remember those three words my wife and I lived with…See More
16 hours ago
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hearing about people's cats makes me want to say the name of our dear little cat Spooky. She was one of those sweet cats that wait for you at the door, recognize the sound of your car approaching, and come when you of course we were…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Irina, I have over 20 diferent types of shirts with missing my Husband quotes They show the different ones on the advertisments on Facebook Linda"
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mankind’s Fight Against Mortality

NOTE: My blogs are not posted with the intention of promoting any organization or religion. The goal of these blogs are to provide the same comfort I received for the death of a loved one. Enjoy.Death is a fearsome enemy. We fight it with all our might. We may try to deny it when it strikes someone dear to us. Or, in the exuberance of youth, we may imagine that the enemy will never come to claim us—a delusion we cling to as long as we can.Few thought more about immortality than the ancient…See More
Mike H. updated their profile
irina s joined kimberly rowe's group

mY sOuLmAtE, mY bEsTfRiEnD,mY sUpErMaN,mY eVeRyThInG

this is ment for the people who have lost the closest thing to them it doesnt matter if its a person or an animal it's stilla lost and they all hurt
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
Pearl Irene replied to Karen's discussion Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I lost my son Dalton, June 16, 2017. He was riding his Motorcycle, lost control and hit a concrete light pole. He died instantly. He was quite a character, one of a kind. He was the warrior for the underdog, a sponge for any type of knowledge…"
Pearl Irene joined Karen's group

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
Pearl Irene replied to jordan's discussion I don't no what to do anymore
"Jordan, there are some churches that have grief meetings. I have been considering it, but I thought I would wait a while. My grief is very new since my son died last month. This is something you have been carrying for years. The memory box from your…"
Lost with out him posted a status
"I am now suffering PTSD about the actual "death". I cannot get that vision out of my head. I tried to save him.."
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, I understand.  Aside from Summer and Benny, I still get sad about the loss of our dog Sandy, who we had when I was a kid and through my college years.  She died when I was in college, and I still love and miss her.  I don't…"
Profile IconBri, deena nygaard, Anne MacGregor and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
KIM Montgomery commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Cancer sucks.  My husband didn't even last 6 months."
KIM Montgomery joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
joanne posted a blog post

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service