So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips to live without the need to do so. I guess because my mother would make no effort to do much caring for us children growing up and whenever she appeared she made a mess. She divorced and walked away from not only my father but all children. And was my dad who really helped most the kids. Becasue I spent some time with mother best described as hell on earth, I lived in this vaccum where neither one had my back. Father, mother or sisters for the matter of fact. I worked my ass off, and wrecked my back yeah I don´t feel obligated to aything other than taking care myself. But I know who gave me birth. But what extent exactly I am obligated. So I was hoping the iddeas magically would sort themselves out and this answer would come to me or something. But I couldn´t push myself either way. I didn´t want to go and be badly treated and wreck my back, and calling was a little awkward too. I have been quiet and ok that way out the drama and pushing around. At the end I agreed to cal mid to late afternoon. I think the call lasted 2 min max. And I was HAPPY with the RELIEF of the obligation to do something. It´s sad to say all that and feel weird, since I was so present as the caregiver but the whole family crap made it sickening to the bone. And there is a general push around after I show up I can do without. In the end what a holiday is really, sometimes just a cruel reminder of what we are trying to rest our minds from. And as time allown things to settle in my mind and eventually feel better to do any, the HOLIDAY STIRRED up the AWKWARD moment there is. And what´s the use. What I saw is what is, people on edge trying to make this family crap stick although they have not kept the minimum necessary to be any inclusive. In fact, what was I suppose to do? WHat could they expect? I reported to police about negligence there and sister was suppose to relocate and instead just though we would all be loving to be misstreated there overtime since she ALONE DECIDED to pour more money in a clinic that isn´t working, In fact I hear more of the same, misstreating and accidents. People visiting call to tell me. But what´s the use to tell anyone there if they don´t care I went as far as reporting to police...really? Not VIP treatment, that´s for sure. Anyway, maybe GOD is reading my mind and using this for something more meaningful than what i can see. Because what I head in the end of the day is that NOW oldest sister understood she is alone in this and no one buys her or those sdecisions, nd she is desperate to get me involved in the move. Wholy crap, I was doing just that when they shut me off. So, what does it have to do with me now? VALIDATION? I don´t think so. Since my REQUEST TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY WAS RELOCATE long ago, call me crazy or stupid to go with that flow now. They want me to decide now after they disrespected every single decision i made? Sorry, welcome to my shoes a little further down this road ad try me again...really. Lets see they doing a lot and everyone bossing around and disrespecting EVERYTHING THEY DID, than get stressed out while this ABUSIVE people love to push over the edge there, and turn that camera back to the owner, I´m done with any venture heading to just more one guilt trip. I´sd love to be more hopeful about humans, but time after time seeing the shit they can do and blame others, I guess I will stick around my own side now so the blame is real close to real owner for a change. ALL this BULSHIT, done and over with. Now we traded sides you see, they do everything and I go in there when I feel like and blame her. Life is good here right now, on the outside of all thisbullshit. Until some get REAL and get to walk a LOT MORE in my shoes there is no common ground...just a road called blame which we meet at the corner of stuped street. How wonderful, GOD IS INDEED IRONIC! What´s left? Bare minimum and SMILE! SIGHT

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This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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"Dear morgan, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (January 21st) on the seventh anniversary of the passing of the love of your life. I know that “life” as we live it now after the death of our beloved spouse is worth…"
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"Joe, What a beautiful picture of you and your wife and your gravestones will hold both your bodies but you souls will be united in another realm. Morgan,  You will be in thoughts my tomorrow as you try to make it through the…"
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Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now

The moon should appear at its reddest at about 9:12 p.m., with the event lasting until about 10:40 p.m.Kelly encourages people to take a look.  "You know, stop and look up and really think about [how] we are on this huge planet, moving around in space and there's very few times that we can actually be reminded and feel the effects of that," she said.See More
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
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