So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips to live without the need to do so. I guess because my mother would make no effort to do much caring for us children growing up and whenever she appeared she made a mess. She divorced and walked away from not only my father but all children. And was my dad who really helped most the kids. Becasue I spent some time with mother best described as hell on earth, I lived in this vaccum where neither one had my back. Father, mother or sisters for the matter of fact. I worked my ass off, and wrecked my back yeah I don´t feel obligated to aything other than taking care myself. But I know who gave me birth. But what extent exactly I am obligated. So I was hoping the iddeas magically would sort themselves out and this answer would come to me or something. But I couldn´t push myself either way. I didn´t want to go and be badly treated and wreck my back, and calling was a little awkward too. I have been quiet and ok that way out the drama and pushing around. At the end I agreed to cal mid to late afternoon. I think the call lasted 2 min max. And I was HAPPY with the RELIEF of the obligation to do something. It´s sad to say all that and feel weird, since I was so present as the caregiver but the whole family crap made it sickening to the bone. And there is a general push around after I show up I can do without. In the end what a holiday is really, sometimes just a cruel reminder of what we are trying to rest our minds from. And as time allown things to settle in my mind and eventually feel better to do any, the HOLIDAY STIRRED up the AWKWARD moment there is. And what´s the use. What I saw is what is, people on edge trying to make this family crap stick although they have not kept the minimum necessary to be any inclusive. In fact, what was I suppose to do? WHat could they expect? I reported to police about negligence there and sister was suppose to relocate and instead just though we would all be loving to be misstreated there overtime since she ALONE DECIDED to pour more money in a clinic that isn´t working, In fact I hear more of the same, misstreating and accidents. People visiting call to tell me. But what´s the use to tell anyone there if they don´t care I went as far as reporting to police...really? Not VIP treatment, that´s for sure. Anyway, maybe GOD is reading my mind and using this for something more meaningful than what i can see. Because what I head in the end of the day is that NOW oldest sister understood she is alone in this and no one buys her or those sdecisions, nd she is desperate to get me involved in the move. Wholy crap, I was doing just that when they shut me off. So, what does it have to do with me now? VALIDATION? I don´t think so. Since my REQUEST TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY WAS RELOCATE long ago, call me crazy or stupid to go with that flow now. They want me to decide now after they disrespected every single decision i made? Sorry, welcome to my shoes a little further down this road ad try me again...really. Lets see they doing a lot and everyone bossing around and disrespecting EVERYTHING THEY DID, than get stressed out while this ABUSIVE people love to push over the edge there, and turn that camera back to the owner, I´m done with any venture heading to just more one guilt trip. I´sd love to be more hopeful about humans, but time after time seeing the shit they can do and blame others, I guess I will stick around my own side now so the blame is real close to real owner for a change. ALL this BULSHIT, done and over with. Now we traded sides you see, they do everything and I go in there when I feel like and blame her. Life is good here right now, on the outside of all thisbullshit. Until some get REAL and get to walk a LOT MORE in my shoes there is no common ground...just a road called blame which we meet at the corner of stuped street. How wonderful, GOD IS INDEED IRONIC! What´s left? Bare minimum and SMILE! SIGHT

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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, Bluebell,   thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I thought about it but it was never a real possibility for me. As I said earlier, there is nothing in this world that would hurt my mom more than ending my own life. I will never do it. I try to be careful. I'm such a religious…"
17 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree with you Virginia. Sometimes we actually dont know what we are doing."
19 hours ago
Mike H. posted a blog post

What Can Help Me if I'm Depressed?

The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.What God gives to help the depressedStrength. God “refreshes and cheers” you, not by removing all your problems, but by answering your prayers when you pray for the strength to cope. (…See More
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
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