So tomorrow was mother´s day, I wasnt feeling well at all and treated for back pain. While it was raining outside, conditions not favourable for any venturing out. I had bought a card for mother´s day and a rose. As I went past by them in the way in and out the kitchen, the HOLIDAY bug would try it´s GUILT trip. I had called my youngest sister and she didn´t want to go see my mother either. Since my sister too the care from me it has been so much hell to see or mother, that we came to grips to live without the need to do so. I guess because my mother would make no effort to do much caring for us children growing up and whenever she appeared she made a mess. She divorced and walked away from not only my father but all children. And was my dad who really helped most the kids. Becasue I spent some time with mother best described as hell on earth, I lived in this vaccum where neither one had my back. Father, mother or sisters for the matter of fact. I worked my ass off, and wrecked my back yeah I don´t feel obligated to aything other than taking care myself. But I know who gave me birth. But what extent exactly I am obligated. So I was hoping the iddeas magically would sort themselves out and this answer would come to me or something. But I couldn´t push myself either way. I didn´t want to go and be badly treated and wreck my back, and calling was a little awkward too. I have been quiet and ok that way out the drama and pushing around. At the end I agreed to cal mid to late afternoon. I think the call lasted 2 min max. And I was HAPPY with the RELIEF of the obligation to do something. It´s sad to say all that and feel weird, since I was so present as the caregiver but the whole family crap made it sickening to the bone. And there is a general push around after I show up I can do without. In the end what a holiday is really, sometimes just a cruel reminder of what we are trying to rest our minds from. And as time allown things to settle in my mind and eventually feel better to do any, the HOLIDAY STIRRED up the AWKWARD moment there is. And what´s the use. What I saw is what is, people on edge trying to make this family crap stick although they have not kept the minimum necessary to be any inclusive. In fact, what was I suppose to do? WHat could they expect? I reported to police about negligence there and sister was suppose to relocate and instead just though we would all be loving to be misstreated there overtime since she ALONE DECIDED to pour more money in a clinic that isn´t working, In fact I hear more of the same, misstreating and accidents. People visiting call to tell me. But what´s the use to tell anyone there if they don´t care I went as far as reporting to police...really? Not VIP treatment, that´s for sure. Anyway, maybe GOD is reading my mind and using this for something more meaningful than what i can see. Because what I head in the end of the day is that NOW oldest sister understood she is alone in this and no one buys her or those sdecisions, nd she is desperate to get me involved in the move. Wholy crap, I was doing just that when they shut me off. So, what does it have to do with me now? VALIDATION? I don´t think so. Since my REQUEST TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY WAS RELOCATE long ago, call me crazy or stupid to go with that flow now. They want me to decide now after they disrespected every single decision i made? Sorry, welcome to my shoes a little further down this road ad try me again...really. Lets see they doing a lot and everyone bossing around and disrespecting EVERYTHING THEY DID, than get stressed out while this ABUSIVE people love to push over the edge there, and turn that camera back to the owner, I´m done with any venture heading to just more one guilt trip. I´sd love to be more hopeful about humans, but time after time seeing the shit they can do and blame others, I guess I will stick around my own side now so the blame is real close to real owner for a change. ALL this BULSHIT, done and over with. Now we traded sides you see, they do everything and I go in there when I feel like and blame her. Life is good here right now, on the outside of all thisbullshit. Until some get REAL and get to walk a LOT MORE in my shoes there is no common ground...just a road called blame which we meet at the corner of stuped street. How wonderful, GOD IS INDEED IRONIC! What´s left? Bare minimum and SMILE! SIGHT

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yesterday
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Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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