Safe to assume the deffenses go down with the spirits. But in all fairness I´ve been sick for a while since I had the back surgeries, and it´s sometimes hard to separe effects from feeling ups and downs to the food and habits healthy and unhealthy. Added to that the idea that I will be ok and doctors don´t seem to  do much more for me these days. Neverhteless, some times I go to fix one thing and the medication side effects harm in some ways or the pain meds have caused me to faint and break 3 ribs. So, there´s an overall resistance built up based on EXPERIENCE that makes me want to avoid doctors all togehter. Part of it is feeling demotivated to feel more pain than I need to. Another part is resisting to change habits less healthy. And another part is sometimes insisting in the wrong dr. Lets say the anntinflamatory is hurting my stomack and I am going to the back surgeon instead the dr that can look into how hurt is the stomack. In the last few days I have tried to be calm and save myself from some interactions with friends and family which can be a distraction really, to just understand where to go with the health issues, and find the clear frame of mind to cope and address in the right drs. It´s not easy when all is chaotic to understand the IMPACTS to the HEALTH when there is all kinds of health issues going on. Also, as I try to address the back issue with heat I feel other things get pushed to the worsen. And people can be really something as they think all answers to our HEALTH can be found in google and youtube. My family for instance tent to think that they can FIX all health issues with food, and the reliable information os in google and youtube. Call me crazy, but why would a nutricionist graduate and specialize, or doctors.....if we were to be consuming junk literature and self medication from a place of ignorance shared amongst all online. I think online resources are great, don´t take me wrong, but it´s a very bad use of common sense to go for that and neglect formal training and REAL experience. SIGHT. Another last resort that I insist is on prayer in hopes God or Christ will care to heal overnight. It´s a hope, but taken to extremes and in groups can be quite something ELSE...so there is value to it, but not to the extent of ABSENCE of drs. There is a middle ground there, maybe God puts the right dr in front of me and that´s the help I get. Who knows. Prayer is not only for that, but to cope and endure and keep the mind in a good place...but not a HOPELESS one expecting for the saviour type, because if I was to expect for that, man 10 years sick they probably got lost long ago or something. Thus searching for a MIDDLE GROUND in all the midst of this is not so easy. Sometimes pain takes our minds and bodies to the limits, and other times the judgement of people around suck worse...and it´s not in the words they necessarily say, it´s in actions that show better than any spoken word. It´s also safe to say life gets real lonely sometimes when we are sick...and as we try allow some in, we want to kick them out faster than they jumped in...for they don´t have the right motivation to stick around. No matter how low you lay, there is all types of people out there who would love to get a slice of who I am or what I have. But since I don´t have much and I am very truthful, they soon drop the social mask and show what they are about. And by the way, drs, churchs and treaements arent so different necessarily. Some suck till no end really. If my life goes back to normal and I benefit any from all this illness, I am sure one lesson I can take from this is that I WALK ALONE, and have mastered the HEREMIT position with grace and faith, being kind to people and dismissing gently when they no longer can be a positive presence. And as a good host, I will give some chances for some to come back eventually in some other capacity in case they aren´t bad people, but just don´t know how to deal. But there is just so many chances to take on peers we don´t know, as if anyone is sick for any period of time they will ensure you they just want to see some familiar faces around, and that may be because when we are VULNERABLE, there are all kinds of WOLVES out there wanting to rip a little piece to chew. Life as is, and here is where faith and family can be of most HELP, but I really rather WALK ALONE and even those I need to be selective when in and out, because they too sometimes want their piece to chew. Sight

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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, Bluebell,   thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I thought about it but it was never a real possibility for me. As I said earlier, there is nothing in this world that would hurt my mom more than ending my own life. I will never do it. I try to be careful. I'm such a religious…"
18 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree with you Virginia. Sometimes we actually dont know what we are doing."
20 hours ago
Mike H. posted a blog post

What Can Help Me if I'm Depressed?

The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.What God gives to help the depressedStrength. God “refreshes and cheers” you, not by removing all your problems, but by answering your prayers when you pray for the strength to cope. (…See More
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
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