Pamela philipp
  • Female
  • Hobart, IN
  • United States
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Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
4 Replies

how do I deal with this horrible disease that is taking my family little by little I lost my husband to this horrible disease and my brother is still battling his cancer for many years and now his…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Pamela philipp Dec 26, 2018.

Understanding grief
10 Replies

There has been things on this site I understand and some things I don't however with that being said here is my opinion on recent things I have read about grief I lost my mother and my husband within…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Jan 24, 2017.

At the end of my rope
2 Replies

I don't know if I can go on much longer the pain is so excruciating it's getting harder each day it's coming up on 15 months since my husband passed away from cancer and I am having trouble sleeping…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by bluebird Dec 6, 2016.

Why does everyone say that things will get easier?
6 Replies

I don't understand why people keep telling me that things are going to get easier when people ask me how I am like a friend of mine that I've been friends with for over 30 years she lost her husband…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by annjulie Dec 7, 2016.

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Pamela philipp posted a blog post

permanent grief

it has been three years and four months since i lost my mom 9-6-2015 and my husband  9-14-2015 and the overwhelming grief is unbearable also my husbands birthday is on the 20th of this month i don't know how much longer i can hold on,also i have so much added stress from people telling me i have to move on don't they understand that i may look okay on the outside but i am shattered inside i have been numb for so long i feel like i'm in a horrific nightmare nothing makes any sense any more i am…See More
Wednesday
Pamela philipp replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"dear Connie I understand how you feel it has been three years and three months since I lost my husband and I agree with you that I wish people would stop telling me that in time I will heal or that it gets easier,  for me that is all a lie I am…"
Dec 26, 2018
Connie miller replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"I lost my husband on November 25th 2018 he had stage 4 cancer I lost him within 3 months. This Christmas was so hard. I'm tired of people who haven't lost anyone that it gets easier. All I need is time. I'm so ss for everyone who lost…"
Dec 25, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"thank you Brett Bowman  for your truly kind words and advice it means a lot to me and your right I don't feel like I have grieved for her at all but I will try your advice thank you so much have a blessed day"
Dec 20, 2018
dream moon JO B replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"big c is evil loss lot of famly to it evn frinds nboz  my religen is spirtsalm it is but big c is evil lk dem/alz it is evil i prey thy can rid o it i do sines joingg spooks churchh im not only 1 its loss famly coz of big c evn alz /dem bth…"
Dec 17, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
Dec 13, 2018
Dennis C. replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"Pamela Cancer is indeed a plague. Death from cancer is only part of the story. The journey from diagnosis to death is horrific and overwhelming. Even though cancer effects a lot of people, there are so many that just don't understand how…"
Dec 7, 2018
M Adams commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Pamela, so sorry you're having to deal with this -- of course it's great that you're able to let your daughter move her family into your home when she's in need of support, but she must respect that it is your home and you decide…"
Dec 1, 2018
Virginia G commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"I don’t think you should put anything away that you don’t want to.  Why?  You aren’t going to stop loving the person.  My cousins tried to tell me how I should be acting so I stopped going there for comfort and they…"
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp posted a discussion

Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this

how do I deal with this horrible disease that is taking my family little by little I lost my husband to this horrible disease and my brother is still battling his cancer for many years and now his wife my sister in-law has stage four metastatic breast cancer I don't know how to handle this anymore I just don't understand. I lost my husband in September of 2015 he was first diagnosed with stage two throat cancer then he went in for a pet scan and they found a second and separate cancer in his…See More
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"hi Michael I agree with all that you said it has been a little over three years since I lost my mom 9-6-15 and then the love of my life my husband on9-14-15 and I am as lost as ever we were married in august of1992 I miss him every day"
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp left a comment for Virginia G
"hi Virginia how are you today ? hope you are better wishing you a better day"
Nov 30, 2018
Virginia G and Pamela philipp are now friends
Nov 29, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Virginia G's blog post No reason to live
"I am so sorry for your heartache sadly I understand how you feel it has been a little over three years since I lost my mom and then my husband and I have been lost ever since but I believe this site is a way to scream out how you feel and its okay…"
Nov 29, 2018
Pamela philipp and morgan are now friends
Nov 27, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"thank you so much for your advice billy jo colt and morgan because you are absolutely right this is why I come on this site  because people here truly understand how I feel thanks again morgan and billy jo have a blessed day"
Nov 19, 2018

Profile Information

About Me:
Married 23years mother of two grandmother of seven
About my Loss:
My mom passed on sept 6th 2015 and then my husband passed sept 14th 2015 eight days after my mom how do you go on from there and also my wedding anniversary is August 15th it will be 24 years and no I will never stop saying I'm married because I am I guess the worst thing is no one in my family seems to care no one calls or has talked to me since the memorial for my husband how can I keep going on and the only reason I'm still here is because I promised my husband I wouldn't follow him into the dark but I really don't know how to live anymore without him and I still am not dealing with my mothers passing either so now what do I do and it makes me doubt there is a god or heaven how could a god that loves you hurt you like that

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Pamela philipp's Blog

permanent grief

it has been three years and four months since i lost my mom 9-6-2015 and my husband  9-14-2015 and the overwhelming grief is unbearable also my husbands birthday is on the 20th of this month i don't know how much longer i can hold on,also i have so much added stress from people telling me i have to move on don't they understand that i may look okay on the outside but i am shattered inside i have been numb for so long i feel like i'm in a horrific nightmare nothing makes any sense any more i…

Continue

Posted on January 16, 2019 at 11:49am

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…

Continue

Posted on November 18, 2018 at 3:24pm — 5 Comments

still broken

it has been three years today since I lost the love of my life, and I am just as broken today as the day my wonderful husband left this world, I have had so many people tell me time will heal you and you will be ok that is an absolute lie the only thing that has happened is I feel like I'm in this horrible nightmare and can't wake up, days go by then months then years but you are still lost there is no getting over it as people say the family I thought would be there also a lie I am alone…

Continue

Posted on September 14, 2018 at 12:54pm — 1 Comment

Alone

I lost my mother on 9/6/15 then eight days later on 9/14/15 I lost my husband and 2 1/2 years later I am so lost the heartache is more unbearable every day and I feel like I have been in this horrific nightmare and I can’t wake up I have never felt so much pain ever in my life people keep telling me in time you will be ok but honestly I know that’s not true I know im just existing I stopped living when my whole world turned upside down I don’t know how to keep going I just pretend every day…

Continue

Posted on June 4, 2018 at 3:55pm — 5 Comments

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 8:04am on November 17, 2018, Denise Lavoie said…
Hi everyone Scotishbrat here. We had our 1st snowfall Thursday. If Ron was here we would be out making a snowman laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.We did everything together.When he passedl felt so lost I still do its like half of me is gone.My heart is brokenToday l have to take it one minute at a time if I go any faster I colaspe mentally.l guess we experience all these feelings in different ways cause l relate to what everyone is saying.l know l have a hard time verbalizing how l feel.Thanks for being there.
At 9:23am on December 28, 2016, Jarvis said…

Hi,  you may wish to check out the following link.  It's from Dr. Oz.  Let me know what you think of his suggestions.  http://www.oprah.com/health/Dr-Oz-All-Natural-Cures-for-Anxiety

At 10:05pm on November 12, 2016, Lisa said…
Please know that you are not alone. Nights are difficult with thoughts racing and wanting to sleep but you can't. I have to tell myself over and over to let the thoughts go. It's not easy but you made a promise to your husband and he wants you to be ok. Let me know how you are, please.
At 12:47pm on November 12, 2016, Fran said…

Pamela, I share your pain. My husband's diagnosis seems similar to your husband's. Not discovered for way too long and then much too late. Stage IV lung cancer. Just passed 2 years since he died. It's only now that I am starting to feel much of anything. He suffered for 8 or 9 months after the official diagnosis...but we were told it had probably been there for 4 years already. And that's what I don't understand...he'd been thru a couple of surgeries including a nose surgery just a month before diagnosis...why wasn't it discovered earlier? Anyhow, now I have to handle all the "little things" that he would've done. He survived to our 27th anniversary. Decisions were joint or he'd make it based on some input from me. It's taken me this long to just decide to repaint our bedroom! For me, finding myself, finding out what I want without any input from him , well, I'm just lost! I don't know who I am without him. I have 2 adult children who live with me and help keep things going, without them I'd be even worse. I have friends who are more supportive than my siblings. Thank God for them. Anyhow Pamela, we continue because we must.  Know that you are not alone on this forum. We all hurt. We all support each other thru this "new normal".

 
 
 

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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
58 minutes ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
2 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
3 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
8 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
17 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
yesterday
Emma is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted a status
"Can't sleep. Typical, my daughter goes back to college in the morning and I am having a hard time with that."
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted photos
yesterday
mindy replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"I guess I'm doing ok I was in the middle of a family fued Christmas day night so I been keeping to myself I check out that site but don't have the money to pay for it I'm disabled"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I agree with all of that. I didn't expect a reward. My mom was reward enough, but I am not the same person that I once was. And I thought that some kind of balance would occur. I can't explain that really. It's been defeating. As soon…"
Friday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"After my husband’s death, and now after losing my mother, I also found myself somehow imagining that, not so much that something good would happen, more that some kind of reward would come to me, something to balance off the pain and…"
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well, Brett, one day we all shall see, I have many many questions, but no one to answer them. My heart still aches everyday, I still cry, but no one understands why, they have no clue...."
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There's something that has been on my mind lately and this is the best place to mention it. As much as I feared and dreaded my mom's death, I sort of felt like something good would happen, maybe not right away, but eventually. Like Karma…"
Friday
Margaret Whitehouse commented on mary snell's group hi
"I know how you feel. I lost my mom Jan 6, 2019 and it is so raw and all I do is cry. I was in the room when she passed and had been all day. My regret is I wasn't holding her hand when she took her last breath. She had dementia and I saw her 3…"
Thursday
Margaret Whitehouse joined mary snell's group
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hi

hi I recantly lost my mom two weeks ago I'm still missing her and I wish that i could of said good bye to her before said passed away See More
Thursday
Brenda Ann replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"Mindy, I am not a doctor but I am a student of the Bible. It seems that you are suffering from anxiety over your past. Humans including ourselves seem to filter the good things we have done and focus on the "bad". But God is the opposite.…"
Wednesday

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