Pamela philipp
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  • Hobart, IN
  • United States
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Defeated
1 Reply

I am at the point of just being done I am totally defeated I just want to give up  I didn't know it would be so hard to be alone I walk around pretending everything is fine when nothing is fine and…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Virginia G Feb 18.

Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
4 Replies

how do I deal with this horrible disease that is taking my family little by little I lost my husband to this horrible disease and my brother is still battling his cancer for many years and now his…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Pamela philipp Dec 26, 2018.

Understanding grief
10 Replies

There has been things on this site I understand and some things I don't however with that being said here is my opinion on recent things I have read about grief I lost my mother and my husband within…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Jan 24, 2017.

At the end of my rope
2 Replies

I don't know if I can go on much longer the pain is so excruciating it's getting harder each day it's coming up on 15 months since my husband passed away from cancer and I am having trouble sleeping…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by bluebird Dec 6, 2016.

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Pamela philipp's Page

Latest Activity

Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
Feb 18
Pamela philipp posted a discussion

Defeated

I am at the point of just being done I am totally defeated I just want to give up  I didn't know it would be so hard to be alone I walk around pretending everything is fine when nothing is fine and nobody gets it and I thought I could feel better being on this web site but even this isn't working I just don't know what to do I hate being here I give up See More
Feb 4
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

permanent grief

it has been three years and four months since i lost my mom 9-6-2015 and my husband  9-14-2015 and the overwhelming grief is unbearable also my husbands birthday is on the 20th of this month i don't know how much longer i can hold on,also i have so much added stress from people telling me i have to move on don't they understand that i may look okay on the outside but i am shattered inside i have been numb for so long i feel like i'm in a horrific nightmare nothing makes any sense any more i am…See More
Jan 16
Pamela philipp replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"dear Connie I understand how you feel it has been three years and three months since I lost my husband and I agree with you that I wish people would stop telling me that in time I will heal or that it gets easier,  for me that is all a lie I am…"
Dec 26, 2018
Connie miller replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"I lost my husband on November 25th 2018 he had stage 4 cancer I lost him within 3 months. This Christmas was so hard. I'm tired of people who haven't lost anyone that it gets easier. All I need is time. I'm so ss for everyone who lost…"
Dec 25, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"thank you Brett Bowman  for your truly kind words and advice it means a lot to me and your right I don't feel like I have grieved for her at all but I will try your advice thank you so much have a blessed day"
Dec 20, 2018
dream moon JO B replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"big c is evil loss lot of famly to it evn frinds nboz  my religen is spirtsalm it is but big c is evil lk dem/alz it is evil i prey thy can rid o it i do sines joingg spooks churchh im not only 1 its loss famly coz of big c evn alz /dem bth…"
Dec 17, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
Dec 13, 2018
Dennis C. replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"Pamela Cancer is indeed a plague. Death from cancer is only part of the story. The journey from diagnosis to death is horrific and overwhelming. Even though cancer effects a lot of people, there are so many that just don't understand how…"
Dec 7, 2018
M Adams commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Pamela, so sorry you're having to deal with this -- of course it's great that you're able to let your daughter move her family into your home when she's in need of support, but she must respect that it is your home and you decide…"
Dec 1, 2018
Virginia G commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"I don’t think you should put anything away that you don’t want to.  Why?  You aren’t going to stop loving the person.  My cousins tried to tell me how I should be acting so I stopped going there for comfort and they…"
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp posted a discussion

Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this

how do I deal with this horrible disease that is taking my family little by little I lost my husband to this horrible disease and my brother is still battling his cancer for many years and now his wife my sister in-law has stage four metastatic breast cancer I don't know how to handle this anymore I just don't understand. I lost my husband in September of 2015 he was first diagnosed with stage two throat cancer then he went in for a pet scan and they found a second and separate cancer in his…See More
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"hi Michael I agree with all that you said it has been a little over three years since I lost my mom 9-6-15 and then the love of my life my husband on9-14-15 and I am as lost as ever we were married in august of1992 I miss him every day"
Nov 30, 2018
Pamela philipp left a comment for Virginia G
"hi Virginia how are you today ? hope you are better wishing you a better day"
Nov 30, 2018
Virginia G and Pamela philipp are now friends
Nov 29, 2018
Pamela philipp commented on Virginia G's blog post No reason to live
"I am so sorry for your heartache sadly I understand how you feel it has been a little over three years since I lost my mom and then my husband and I have been lost ever since but I believe this site is a way to scream out how you feel and its okay…"
Nov 29, 2018

Profile Information

About Me:
Married 23years mother of two grandmother of seven
About my Loss:
My mom passed on sept 6th 2015 and then my husband passed sept 14th 2015 eight days after my mom how do you go on from there and also my wedding anniversary is August 15th it will be 24 years and no I will never stop saying I'm married because I am I guess the worst thing is no one in my family seems to care no one calls or has talked to me since the memorial for my husband how can I keep going on and the only reason I'm still here is because I promised my husband I wouldn't follow him into the dark but I really don't know how to live anymore without him and I still am not dealing with my mothers passing either so now what do I do and it makes me doubt there is a god or heaven how could a god that loves you hurt you like that

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Pamela philipp's Blog

permanent grief

it has been three years and four months since i lost my mom 9-6-2015 and my husband  9-14-2015 and the overwhelming grief is unbearable also my husbands birthday is on the 20th of this month i don't know how much longer i can hold on,also i have so much added stress from people telling me i have to move on don't they understand that i may look okay on the outside but i am shattered inside i have been numb for so long i feel like i'm in a horrific nightmare nothing makes any sense any more i…

Continue

Posted on January 16, 2019 at 11:49am

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…

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Posted on November 18, 2018 at 3:24pm — 5 Comments

still broken

it has been three years today since I lost the love of my life, and I am just as broken today as the day my wonderful husband left this world, I have had so many people tell me time will heal you and you will be ok that is an absolute lie the only thing that has happened is I feel like I'm in this horrible nightmare and can't wake up, days go by then months then years but you are still lost there is no getting over it as people say the family I thought would be there also a lie I am alone…

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Posted on September 14, 2018 at 12:54pm — 1 Comment

Alone

I lost my mother on 9/6/15 then eight days later on 9/14/15 I lost my husband and 2 1/2 years later I am so lost the heartache is more unbearable every day and I feel like I have been in this horrific nightmare and I can’t wake up I have never felt so much pain ever in my life people keep telling me in time you will be ok but honestly I know that’s not true I know im just existing I stopped living when my whole world turned upside down I don’t know how to keep going I just pretend every day…

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Posted on June 4, 2018 at 3:55pm — 5 Comments

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 8:04am on November 17, 2018, Denise Lavoie said…
Hi everyone Scotishbrat here. We had our 1st snowfall Thursday. If Ron was here we would be out making a snowman laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.We did everything together.When he passedl felt so lost I still do its like half of me is gone.My heart is brokenToday l have to take it one minute at a time if I go any faster I colaspe mentally.l guess we experience all these feelings in different ways cause l relate to what everyone is saying.l know l have a hard time verbalizing how l feel.Thanks for being there.
At 9:23am on December 28, 2016, Jarvis said…

Hi,  you may wish to check out the following link.  It's from Dr. Oz.  Let me know what you think of his suggestions.  http://www.oprah.com/health/Dr-Oz-All-Natural-Cures-for-Anxiety

At 10:05pm on November 12, 2016, Lisa said…
Please know that you are not alone. Nights are difficult with thoughts racing and wanting to sleep but you can't. I have to tell myself over and over to let the thoughts go. It's not easy but you made a promise to your husband and he wants you to be ok. Let me know how you are, please.
At 12:47pm on November 12, 2016, Fran said…

Pamela, I share your pain. My husband's diagnosis seems similar to your husband's. Not discovered for way too long and then much too late. Stage IV lung cancer. Just passed 2 years since he died. It's only now that I am starting to feel much of anything. He suffered for 8 or 9 months after the official diagnosis...but we were told it had probably been there for 4 years already. And that's what I don't understand...he'd been thru a couple of surgeries including a nose surgery just a month before diagnosis...why wasn't it discovered earlier? Anyhow, now I have to handle all the "little things" that he would've done. He survived to our 27th anniversary. Decisions were joint or he'd make it based on some input from me. It's taken me this long to just decide to repaint our bedroom! For me, finding myself, finding out what I want without any input from him , well, I'm just lost! I don't know who I am without him. I have 2 adult children who live with me and help keep things going, without them I'd be even worse. I have friends who are more supportive than my siblings. Thank God for them. Anyhow Pamela, we continue because we must.  Know that you are not alone on this forum. We all hurt. We all support each other thru this "new normal".

 
 
 

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G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
17 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
yesterday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday

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