I lost my mother on 9/6/15 then eight days later on 9/14/15 I lost my husband and 2 1/2 years later I am so lost the heartache is more unbearable every day and I feel like I have been in this horrific nightmare and I can’t wake up I have never felt so much pain ever in my life people keep telling me in time you will be ok but honestly I know that’s not true I know im just existing I stopped living when my whole world turned upside down I don’t know how to keep going I just pretend every day when people are around me that I’m ok because I know no one really cares because my family hasn’t kept in contact with me since my world changed I am alone still and forever broken 

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Comment by bluebird on June 10, 2018 at 6:12pm

Pamela,

My husband died nearly 6 years ago, and I am still as hurt and sad and angry and grieving as I was the day he died. I can only imagine how horrible it must be to have had two people so dear to you die so closely together. I know what you mean when you say you feel as though you are in a horrific nightmare and can't wake up; that's how I feel too.

I know you said you don't have insurance...I see that you are in the U.S., where our health care is horrible, but you should at least be able to get Obamacare, especially if you are poor (that's what I have). I'm not sure if it covers counselling, though. A couple of other options, if you are wanting to see a counselor: (1) You could try to find a counselor who offers a sliding scale. Many years ago (long before I ever even met my husband) I went to therapy for anxiety issues. The place was operated by Catholic Charities, but the therapy was not in the least bit religious oriented. Anyway, the sliding scale used your income to determine the amount you would pay per session, so I only ended up having to pay $5 per therapy session, and I went once a week. Maybe you could find something similar; just make sure that the therapists are properly licensed. (2) If you are religious at all, you could try talking to your priest/rabbi/imam/etc., and that should be free. Even if you don't have a church/synagogue/temple/mosque which you attend, you should be able to stop by a local house of worship and speak with someone there, explain your situation and see if they can help. 

I hope something I've said is helpful to you.

Comment by Avi on June 6, 2018 at 11:11am

Hi Pamela

You are not alone. Your loved ones are with you and would like you to be happy.

I lost my mother on 15 May 18 and was shattered for few days but she still see me and I believe that I will meet her someday in heaven or the journey.

Comment by Virginia G on June 6, 2018 at 1:55am

Pamela,

 It has been over three months since I lost my Mom, my very best friend, my whole world.  I feel the same things you do.  I have friends and some family to talk to and even see a therapist but it doesnt help.  One thing you could do is go to a free bereavement support group.  I was thinking of trying it.  I feel lost and alone and don’t want to be here without her.  I am on late at night a lot if you want to talk in the chat room.

Comment by Pamela philipp on June 4, 2018 at 4:49pm

Thank you billy jo for your kind words unfortunately I have no way to talk to anyone because I have no health insurance since I lost my husband so although I have thought about talking to someone I can’t but I really appreciate your kindness thank you so much 

Comment by Billy Jo Colt on June 4, 2018 at 4:16pm

Hi Pamela, What you are going through is part and parcel of the grieving process. Everyone who has lost a loved one goes through a similar situation. All different but the same. Your loss is twofold which makes it even more difficult for you. Sometimes time does help, sometimes it doesn't. It is rare that it doesn't. The length of time always varies and there is no set time when it will ease. It never goes away. What happens is we learn to accept our loss. There are also different ways of learning. You aren't alone Pamela. I lost my girlfriend 5 years ago. The pain and loss is here every single day. The more we love someone, the more it hurts and the longer it takes to come to terms with it. I would honestly say that you should seek some councelling. Try and make that a priority please? Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. It is a little step that you can take a little at a time. Please try that as it can help your pain. hugggs,

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