it has been three years today since I lost the love of my life, and I am just as broken today as the day my wonderful husband left this world, I have had so many people tell me time will heal you and you will be ok that is an absolute lie the only thing that has happened is I feel like I'm in this horrible nightmare and can't wake up, days go by then months then years but you are still lost there is no getting over it as people say the family I thought would be there also a lie I am alone and I will never understand nor will I ever be ok or learn to accept my husband mark being gone the only thing that happens is you just exist and wait for the day you hopefully will see them again there is no living there is only existing, I am just here " STILL BROKEN"

Views: 113

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Layla Richards on September 14, 2018 at 1:36pm

Hi there Pamela. Oh, how I can relate. I'm nearing the three-year anniversary myself. Just a few months shy of it. Our beloveds must have both died in late 2015. Yours being in September and mine being in December. Although I can say that nothing was worse than the first year (as the shock of it all is just so overwhelming), I am nowhere near okay, and all I do is wait for my own death day so this can all be over. It is only people like us that can understand just how horrible this is. I'm not okay. Never will be. And I'm sure that you feel the same. He wasn't my husband, buy my fiancé of five years and we lived together the whole time. So I imagine that it's not much different at all from an actual marriage. I am the one who found him dead. That horrible image will be forever burned in my memory. I am so sorry that you are going through this, too. I pray for death every day, and actually made a genuine suicide attempt about 10 months after he died. I swallowed 2 whole bottles of pills. One was a bottle of benzodiazepines, and another was a bottle of prescription sleeping pills. Honestly it should have worked, but instead I woke up the next morning covered in vomit and was hallucinating pretty bad. I managed to stumble into the bathroom and just laid by the toilet for hours, very angry at the fact that my attempt failed. I obviously would not advise anyone to try anything like that, I just thought I would share my story. I'm sure the thought of doing it yourself has crossed your mind many times since your husband died. It is weird, but I am so angry at God for not taking me with him. I don't understand why I was left behind to live a life completely devoid of any purpose or meaning. It feels like cruel and unusual punishment. Just living and eagerly anticipating when death will put a final end to this nightmare. Lots of love.

Latest Activity

Donna Jean Smith is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
10 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Jayne's group Jayne
"2 wks sinse mom thn day id gon in a food t wayy to get som food for my slf i saw big piess mom usd 2 get soons i got hom iv had bit of cry for her  iv bean fitghn it for 2 wks "
23 hours ago
David Drumb commented on Amy Reed's group Losing a spouse and dating again
"I lost my beautiful wife 4 months ago I still grieving. We was married for 31yrs. And the thought of starting over i ask myself how can I do that.without feeling guilty in my mind that would be like cheating. Starting over to me their would be trust…"
yesterday
David Drumb joined Amy Reed's group
Thumbnail

Losing a spouse and dating again

I lost my spouse 16 months ago. Have gotten into a new relationship but he lets me grieve openly. I have a2 year old daughter. Also I am 26See More
yesterday
Profile IconErika Miller, David Drumb, Bee Swann-Thomas and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"doin a memryy box for mom lk i did for my dad i fond a oldd recit bill off 1981 off a butlinss holiday "
yesterday
Profile IconKandace Platts, Ramya Mohan, Julie and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"i no im bac 2 wear i wz in 2012 2012 2012 i wz  num disbelif angr denil juts watin on my slf hlp cds to gt in pots so i dmy fd do mistaks i did wen dad died  it nal proof thy neededin my brosrs goj  nuts evn mics nt typun on me me its…"
Tuesday

© 2021   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service