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Comment by Sharon on July 23, 2015 at 1:23pm

Feeling so down today. Some days I just don't feel like I can go on. I just can't imagine the rest of my life hurting like this. I miss Troy so much. 6 months seems like eternity.
Sharon A. ;-(

Comment by Rj on July 23, 2015 at 11:52am

Thank you sharon...that really does help, more than you know.

Comment by Teresa D. on July 23, 2015 at 8:03am

Sharon HUGS!

Dolly....Ditto

Connie thank you for sharing.  That was a first for me so I didn't know what was happening.  And I too would like to hear or read your song when your ready. 

RJ this is a long process that has no timeline.  At six months the pain is still very raw. Reading your words reminds me of where I was and makes me recognize where I am now.  I wish I could tell you life is good now but it's not BUT it is better than that first year.  Hang in there. while I can't tell you the pain will go away it is true when they say we learn to manage it better in time.

Comment by Dolly on July 22, 2015 at 3:32pm

sending your daughter a birthday cake ... Sharon Robertson...

Comment by Lynn Williams on July 22, 2015 at 2:32pm

Happy birthday to your daughter In heaven Sharon and hugs to you.  

Can't wait to hear your song Connie 

Comment by Connie K on July 22, 2015 at 11:24am

Sharon Robertson - Happy Birthday in heaven to your beautiful daughter. I know how hard these days are. Teresa D - I have those panic attacks sometimes. I think Sometimes that the reality of going on and on without them just comes to the surface and it too painful for us emotional and physically. Once in a while i will take 1/4 of a xanax just to get through anxiety producing situations. I don't take antidepressants or anything except my Lunesta because if i don't sleep, I simply can not function. Meditation helps and deep breathing to curb an attack. I have had breast MRI's for10 years since my battle with cancer. This year they had to stop during the test because I started getting so anxious. If any sad thoughts start coming in, I feel like i am going to explode and start crying. You can't move in an MRI. I remained in the machine and asked them to give me a few minutes. Fortunately I was able to do a meditation that calmed me down enough to get through the rest of the test (It is quite long - almost 45 minutes). If only I could control reality like this. God I miss my son so much. I feel his presence always but I want a hug. I wish you could hug memories. And give you all a real one too. But for now - cyber hugs all around my friends.

Comment by Dolly on July 22, 2015 at 6:49am

the months after Brandon died I was not here in this world... I was just lost... the world didn't even LOOK real to me... it didn't SOUND right... it was all just PAIN and even my body fell apart around me... people didn't look real... they sounded like they were fake people almost flat people... and what they said didn't make sense and I didn't want to see them or hear them because THEIR lives were the same as always and MINE was a HORROR that would never end it seemed.... I feel your raw pain... I share it... but something is happening to me.. its been a little over two years now... and slowly something has in some way started to lift off me... and I can see and feel myself close to Brandon in a new way and although it can't replace HIM in my arms and put his smiling face back into my physical world, it is making me know he is still HERE and is still a part of my existance.. not all the time, not every day, not every night.. but glimpses and assurances that just keep happening and happening with no attempts by me to make them happen.. our children are still with us... in a new way.. a permanent bond that is never broken.. we will see them again and we will be together... for now we can only hold on to this new way of 'knowing' them... let it grow.. let our sense of heaven grow and become more and more a part of US as it is now their true home... and one day will be ours TOO and NO separation of ANY kind will exist EVER AGAIN...

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 22, 2015 at 1:51am

Went and got my hair done today ..something nice todo on her birthday.   Just want to shut my eyes and drift away for awhile...just don't  want to think about things.

Was so busy these last couple of days that I almost forgot that it was the 22nd .....that really upset me to think I could have let it just slip by.

Soo sad today

Comment by Dolly on July 21, 2015 at 11:19pm

the pain doesn't go away... but somehow now I feel closer to Brandon than at first... some new kind of closeness that goes beyond any words I can find... maybe its a spiritual closeness... its tangible in an intangible way if that makes any sense... its something I can't physically feel but I can feel in a more total completeness unlike anything else I ever felt... its a closeness or a presence I have only felt with those I love who have died, and has been most obvious and pervasive with Brandon...  it goes beyond 'signs'.. its an ever present kind of thing... it gets stronger... but there are always those days and parts of every day that swoop in on me with that overwhelming reality that the physical presence of my beloved ones will never be again in this world... and it always tears me apart

Comment by Sharon on July 21, 2015 at 10:50pm

((((Rj)))). I know how you feel. I struggle every day too. Life has no joy or meaning right now. Missing gets harder. We are both at the 6 month mark. When will the pain stop?..

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