Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I loss my 21yr old about 14 months ago, due to him riding his friend's motorcycle. Time has not even begun to ease my pain or my anger. It may sound irrational, but I am really angry that the world is "going on" WITHOUT my son. When they told me that there was nothing left that they could do for my son, I felt like the sun and the moon should never rise again. I felt like I passed away with my son. I want him back.
Oh Kathy, what a sad "club" we belong to....a forced membership. Who would ever volunteer? I am sorry for your loss. I son survived a week in ICU, I stayed by his bedside for those 7 excruiating days. I felt soooooo helpless. I watched him slowly slip away from me. I wish I had my faith the way I use to. It is very difficult for me to pray. I begged with every ounce of my soul for his life to be spared. I was extremely suicidal the first 6 months. I had to flush my prescription sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medications down the toilet one day when my 6 yr old told me that Iwas always sad and that she knew that I wanted to die to be with her brother. She said that then that would mean that she would no longer have a mommy or a big brother and that she would cry worst than she has seen me cry. She told me taht she would want to be with me and her brother in heaven. That broke my heart even more. I will never act out those thoughts. I, too, have a serious health problem that was learned about before my son's passing and sometimes I feel like I'm being punished....why was my life spared to go through this kind of torture. It's funny how my son was worried about me.
Hi Karen...I too am part of this extremely sad and painful club...I wish I wasn't...on Oct 30th 2010 my 16yr old Daughter Taylor was walking on a country road and she was struck from behind, she had severe swelling in her brain and passed away on Nov 1st...she was in a coma and I was with her from the moment we heard of the accident until she passed away. She was the best daughter she wasn't like most teenagers she loved to just hang out with me and my husband rather then running around partying with her friends she would spend Saturday nites watching movies with us so I have lost not only my baby but a friend as well my life is empty now. I have considered not suicide but daily I pray to die. When I get in the car I pray something will happen when I walk outside I pray I will be hit by a car. My dr has just referred me to Physiciatrist and started me on anti depressants....not sure how they will help as no pill is going to take this pain away. I just want to be with her...there is no joy in my life anymore.
Hi kelly and everyone else. My son sustained massive head trauma that resulted in him having multiple strokes until he was declared brain dead. I refused to except that diagnosis. I searched for a reaction from him daily. I was in such denial and I am a nurse.....which made me feel even worse. As a mother, you always have the power to make any "boo boo" feel better, there was nothing else I could do but stroke him and kiss him to let him know I was there. I would get so angry when the doctors would try to assure me that he could feel nothing or hear anything. I would scream "how do you know that!" My sister asked my son one day to squeeze her hand if he could hear her and he did! I was so upset because I missed it, I was in the ladies room. About 2 days before he passed away, one of his closest friends came to visit him in the ICU and he whispered softly in my son's ear and begged him not to leave him....tears began to roll down my son's face. I had the nurse document that and the incidence that occurred with his aunt. I promised him that he would get better. I placed his ear buds in his ears so he good listen to his favorite artist of all time....Michael Jackson. My son said that he was a musical genius. He was so devestated when we all learned of MJ's passing.
People tell me that he is in a "better" place but to me the "better" place is here with me and his family and all of his friends. I hope maybe one day I will be able to believe that, I struggle with that concept daily. I am waiting for my son to communicate that he is really "OK". My sadness just will NOT go away. I am glad but also saddened that there are others that understand.
Everyone tells me the same thing "She's in a better place"..but like you. There is no better place for a child than to be with their family. My Jessica left me too soon and so unexpectedly. They think it makes us feel better to tell us that I guess. I also am waiting for my daughter to communicate with me to tell me she's ok but so far she has only gone to her older sister and told her she was. I dream about her so much but in alot of my dreams she don't even know me. How can she NOT know who I am??!! She'll look right at me like I'm a stranger. Other dreams she don't know what has happened to her. I had one when she was only 2 and she was sitting on my lap bouncing around and giggling wearing her cute little green and white sundress that she loved and she looked at me and smiled and said " Mommy this is the best time ever I don't ever want it to end..I love you mommy" Oh God how do we keep from going insane??? Someone please tell me!!
Greetings Maria. That's what is good about this site, we can all understand. The major part of my torment is imagining the fear, anger and the pain my son must have experienced during the process of him losing his battle. I always imagine him crying, it's really bad.
This poem felt as though I wrote it myself. When I read it, I thought, wow, someone feels like I do.
I also feel like I wrote this myself if I could ever get my thoughts to slow down enough to put to paper...today is 40th day without my Taylor...we are having a candle lighting for her at the memorial at her school at 7pm lighting a candle in memory of child you lost today is Worldwide Candle lighting at 7pm
Wow. How incredible. It's so hard to put into words how it feels and how we need the people around us to be- this was perfect. The more I read the more my heart ached, it hit home.