"David your okay, I use to repeat myself and I use to run around the house frantically looking for something. When my boyfriend would ask me what I was looking for I would just cry and tell him I don't know but if I keep looking I'll…"
"Tomorrow's Mother's Day. I usually spend it depressed and I don't expect tomorrow to be much different. I can't pull myself to say, HAPPY MOTHER's DAY, knowing all of us will feel our own sadness for the one that is…"
"David, I'm sorry you have to join us. My heart is with you and Carli today.
I agree with Ammy, right now allow yourself to grieve but know your wife and daughter need you too.
We all know that feeling of wanting to die because it feels…"
"I don't mean to offend anyone but I thought clergy would be able to offer me something but nope nothing. The only people that can offer me anything in this, is another parent going through it.
I'm going to see one of our…"
"That's what you have to do B. one minute, day and moment at a time.
Yesterday one of my sister's told me I needed to join a group of parents so I could learn to cope with my loss of Michael. I had to let her know…"
"B. Windsor, I too had to wait for a medical report to help me understand what happened. Then once it finally arrived I had to find the right moment to read it. Opening it was not easy but I knew I had to.
We all struggle to find our way. …"
"Teresa D. I read your profile info, that's how me and my son were, very close and we talked about everything.
Thank you for being here for me.
My son got cremated and hopefully gets lay down at the cemetery latest next week, so he can rest in…"
"Thanks ladies, for your support. I'm glad I had it to share.
Silke B I am so sorry you had to find us, just know your not alone.
Connie, I had to giggle at your sister. It's funny how everybody wants us to…"
I'm just a mom who really misses her son. Michael and I talked all the time. He talked to me in a way most sons talk to their dad. I was proud of our closeness and I was proud of him. Now all I have are memories and tears.
About my Loss:
My son, Michael born Febrauary 14th, 1983, suddenly passed away on September 14th, 2012. We talked on the phone for about a good two hours on the 14th, if only I knew that would be our last conversation. We talked about his future and where he was headed. My last words to him were, "if anything ever happened to you or your sister I would never be able to breathe again." We said, "I love you" and hung up. Well, I can't breathe. Because he wasn't discovered over the weekend they wouldn't allow me to see him. Open coffin was not possible. so not only did my Lil' Michael leave but I didn't get to say good bye, I didn't get to see him and I didn't get to hold or touch him. I try to tell myself God did it that way so I could let go easier. Not sure it's working.
Teresa D. I read your profile info, that's how me and my son were, very close and we talked about everything.
Thank you for being here for me.
My son got cremated and hopefully gets lay down at the cemetery latest next week, so he can rest in peace. Took 6 weeks, cause of some paperwork (german bureaucracy ), the military has to bring the urn here and the investigation is still going on.
at the time I felt unfairly attacked and tried to explain myself and my fear and anguish over the difficulties my sons had to face and the apprehension that I would lose them at a young age... and I was grieving for my granddaughters too... but even that horrible grief that immobilized me for at least a year... I carried around a baby doll, wrote poetry to my granddaughters ... did not function well AT ALL... and yet it was just NOT the same... horrible as it was and IS to have lost my sweet granddaughters... it's NOT THE SAME...
I wish with ALL MY HEART that I had only NEARLY lost my son.... and its just too simplistic to say 'grief is grief'.... we don't negate your grief... so please don't trivialize what we are trying to tell you... we don't want to hurt you any more than you are hurting.... I once was attacked in another grief room... years ago after I lost my granddaughters... because I said I was in a sense grieving for my two totally disabled sons because they seemed to be dying a little at a time... at the time I didn't understand the fury that descended upon me for saying that... now I do... unfortunately...
I think ZELL should stop this ... nobody is trying to say you aren't grieving for your mate... and nobody is saying it isn't horrible... personally I don't know what its like and PLEASE GOD I never will because I truly think I would lose my mind... and my husband has health issues.. so I DO empathize with your loss Zell.... but you did not lose a child... so please don't compare ... you don't know it because you haven't been there but you just CAN'T compare any other grief than that of a grieving parent... not that we are saying we are in some sort of sick race to prove who is suffering the most or anything.. its just DIFFERENT in a horrible way you can't understand...
Teresa-I have wondered the same thing regarding Zell. Losing a child doesnot involve the same emotions, grief, heartbreak and other feelings as losing a spouse or partner. Not that it is not traumatic to them; but it is nothing like a mother's grief. Hugs
Hi Teressa, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Michael. I have no answers for you on why this sadness happened in your life. I search for answers too. This is probably the most difficult circumstance I ever had to deal with, and all I know is I need to be strong for my 12 year old that he will not loose his Mother too. Thank you for your friend request, and hope that our friendship will give you some needed support.
Dear Teresa, thank you for your kind comment about my daughter. First let me say "I am so sorry for your loss". I can't image your pain or hurt has gotten any better. I send you a tight hug from across the miles.
As I was reading your story about your son. I realized we share the same experience. Amber's accident was quite severe that an open casket was not possible. And I too was not able to see her one last time or say "Goodbye". Our last words to each other was "I love you" on June 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm. And she died that same night just after midnight June 16, 2014, while driving home from attending the Spurs final game.
You and I are left without "closure", that most people have. That one last viewing. And since we did not see them; it makes it HARDER to believe they are actually gone. It just left us what I feel as "paralyzed". We can't move from here. All we were left with was our last conversation with them. "Paralyzed". I think that's why I am having such a hard time not being able to really cry for her. I feel she's still in her home in San Antonio and I'm here in our home town (3 hours away). It just doesn't seem real. i just can't beleive she's gone. I'm terrified of the intense pain when the shock does wear off. Which I think is starting to happen. Please know my heart aches for you and I feel exactly how you felt and feel still today. All my love, Rachel
Hi Teresa, I'm so so sorry for your loss. My son died at age 31 on June 9, 2014. He was born on September 14, 1982 and he was the light of my life. I am still in shock and disbelief over his sudden passing. My Michael had struggled for a period of time with drugs but for the last 8 months was turning his life around. He was a talented graphic designer and animator for big companies like HBO, Showtime, A&E, History channel and other popular shows. Michael's dad had passed away and I was re-married to a wonderful man with a daughter 10 years younger. They got along so well; I truly felt we had the perfect family......until June 9th. Evidently Michael and his girlfriend chose to pick up drugs again and they never woke up. The news just rocked my world. I trying to breathe -one breath at a time. Your story truly resonated with me and I wanted to reach out. I too didn't get to see Michael however i'm ok with that - I want to remember him full of life. It helps me keep him alive in my mind. I wish you peace and pleased keep in touch - I need the support desperately. Hugs - Gale
Our group is run through Kaiser and we meet every week. It helps. I am actually thinking about individual counseling as well. Today was a really rough day. I do know I have to come to work. Working from home I just want to…"
I have been thinking about you and getting a job. How is that going? I think I remember you saying that you had to leave your job because they did not give you enough time off when your husband died? Of course I do not want to over step…"
How often do you have meetings?
I found a group but they only meet eery 3 weeks. I am not sure yet.
Thank you for sharing your daughter's experience. Steve's daughter was really grieving at the beginning but now she only…"
"Went to the 2nd session of support group. Grief is grief and hurts no matter what the loss. It hurts, you feel alone. I have learned one thing from group is we are not alone. There are 2 different groups those that are…"
"I had that feeling when my nephew called me and told me his brother had killed himself one year after my brother (their father) died. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before. From the top of my head all the way to my feet just a rush of ?…"
I just found some thought that actually explains how I feel now:
Sounds familiar? Grieving and trying to be nice, crying and smiling to look nice next minute...
It is a great movie anyway - watch when you can."
"Thank you, Jackie.
Those horrible panic attacks just visit us often. Suddenly the whole world is turning black and no oxygen anymore.
Jackie, I accept you as acting Steve - I hope he does not mind - and I really appreciate your support - I know you…"
"Hi, Kim. Please don't feel sorry about discussing different topics; it's how our minds work and your words are a comfort to so many. Just knowing someone feels the same, hurts the same, has the same inner voice... the empty bed, the…"
"I try not come on here in the early morning as I start work early so I can go home early. That was my routine. We would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and I would go off to work. I looked forward to going home a little…"
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
"Ladies, I just had one more pain caused by simple actions that I even did not pay attention to before.
Well, I sat to start looking for a job. It was already hard as I have a "meeting people & leaving the house" anxiety. Also, it…"
"I too feel exactly as everyone here has discribed it. Four months in.. Lost the love of my life. I feeling like the walking dead.. I function because I am expected to. I go to work because I haven't any choice. I have to sell my house.( for…"
Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.See More
I am the producer of a nationally televised crime docu-series. I am currently developing a new series focusing on unsolved cold cases, where the perpetrator is known but remains uncharged, many times because they are already in prison for life for another crime. That should not deter anyone else from getting justice. We will bring in outside, independent cold case detectives to rework cases to see if we can help. The series will underscore the hope, strength and tenacity of the families and…See More
"I really hate to reply to this thread as I am four years and almost five months into the loss of the love of my life and I can hardly stand the roller coaster I am on. I am careening off the tracks "again" and I come here to reassure…"
"Thank you all for the kind support here. It does help. I too feel lost at time. This morning I was up at 3:30 watching TV; my alarm goes off at 4:45, no sense in trying to go back to sleep. Like some one else said on here, my…"
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"