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Comment by Sharon on December 24, 2015 at 10:57am

So sad that we are all here. I dread the holidays instead of looking toward to them. Peaceful moments tomorrow my friends. It's all we can hope for..
Love to all of you
Troy's mom

Comment by Connie K on December 24, 2015 at 10:53am

WEll here I go off to South Carolina to visit my Mom who I haven't seen for one and a half years. We talk alot though. My sister and her 2 boys live there aso. Sje has 5 grandchikdren, a grandchikd from my nephew's wife's previous marriage and she has ababy so that makes my sister a great grandmother. I love them all,l very much. I have to keep praying to take away the envy. I can't help feeling barren in comparison to my siblings who are all enjoying their children getting married  having grandchildren....you know the way it was supposed to be for me.......

but most of all missing my son being there in the mix - the older, cool cousin, the only child enjoying having his cousins to hang with. How did this get to be my life? I want to see everyone, I love them all so much but I also want to curl up in a corner and cry til I see my sweet angel again. So hard to keep the mask on for 8 days....

So I wish you all the strength to get through the rest of the holidays, some peace and love and the hope that you will feel your beautiful angel's spirit wrap around you when you miss them the most. Thank you all for your support and friendship. I am grateful for you all.

Comment by kim on December 24, 2015 at 10:30am

I just keep telling myself its just another day, nothing special just another unbearable day. my tears never stop, my heart is so broken, I just want this stupid holiday  over, without my  son my shawn nothing is special anymore.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 24, 2015 at 9:39am

Everyone gets to be happy and celebrate while we keep our sadness to ourselves.  I'm so grateful for this site and being able to say things like THIS SUCKS!

Comment by Jill E on December 24, 2015 at 8:18am

Hugs to all. As we go through these next couple of days please remember you aren't alone. We are here for each other. We are related do to this horrible unthinkable event in our lives. It bonds us together.
As I drive down the street I get this thought that pops into my head that Josh isn't gone, how could he be? He is only 33. I can see him, hear his voice tell me "I love you Mommas" hear his laugh then it blows up in my face, my heart sinks and that oh so familiar pain grabs my insides. An I shake my head trying to understand why, how and then comes the tears.

Crying sucks. It makes you feel like sh**, look like sh** and doesn't change anything. The problem with tears is they come too easily, last too long and become uncontrollable.
Tears are a common part of my life now. They have replaced the laughter. I love you my Joshie with all my heart and being. Take care of your little brother, he needs you. WYWH (Wish You Were Here-Pink Floyd)

Comment by Dolly on December 24, 2015 at 6:54am

this has been the worst year yet for missing my Brandon... I think I'm stuck in the 'anger' stage of grief because I just keep snapping at people for any thing at all... it doesn't help but that doesn't seem to matter...

Comment by Lori on December 23, 2015 at 10:33pm

I didn't know such a sadness existed. Just when I think I hit my saddest point since my Cameron left, an all new low and deeper sadness comes along. How can my body and mind bear this?? Hurting heavy heart tonight. I'm so sorry for everyone else who knows what I'm talking about. I try to be positive but it's just not possible tonight. I just needed to tell someone... Someone who gets it.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 23, 2015 at 8:15pm

My tree outside shines bright representing each and every one of our kids.  May each and everyone one of you find a moment of peace over the next few days.

Comment by Rj on December 23, 2015 at 7:09pm

I decided to finally go get my roots done on friday. I started going to new person after i lost larry . This was like my 3rd time, normal chit chat you know. She started talking about holidays then she said, now you have one son right? I paused and said, i do. She asked what we do for christmas? For the next 45 minutes i talked about larry in the present....i told her he will come over for christmas eve, what we were making, she asked if he had girlfriend, i said yes, they are spending the night and how excited i was. She asked what i got them... I made things up, I even showed her pictures. its sad but i really enjoyed talking about him,it was always what i did. Friday i pretended i had my old life back, had my son larry back... Thinking of you all with a heavy heart, love you

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 23, 2015 at 7:00pm

its 4years today that I lost my precious darling boy. 4 years , just gone. Jill, its fine to ramble. My head rambles all the time. I have no words, just pain, going about my day, we got a Christmas tree today, our home is being redone as we will sell it and move to Eugene, Oregon where we have more of our interests like Vedanta classes, and other activities. So the home is like some construction site, everytbing after my son went makes me feel I am living an unreal life...I am not me anymore, just a sad woman trying to live...love u all my dearest friends, feeling lousy today. I WANT my baby back, right NOW.

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