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Comment by Vasanthi S on December 3, 2013 at 6:18pm

2day evening I was with a friend and she was driving, asking relentless questions and I felt so weary... then I thought.. Teresa, anne, Connie, Dolly, Michelle, Jane,Dawn and all the others here feel just the same so stay calm.. it helped me enormously to know I am not alone.. thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Comment by anne on December 3, 2013 at 5:59pm

Me too Teresa I agree. Photos for me are the biggest tear producer ever. I have a photo of each of my children on the wall in the hallway, and that's it. One Christmas a long time ago we went home for the holiday, and my husbands family had out all of the videos from holiday's past. I lost it. I couldn't bear to sit and watch them. I still can't. I hope someday I will be able to watch videos, and look at pictures of them, but it just hasn't happened yet for me.  It probably sounds strange, but I used to look forward to the days of numbness. It gave my heart, and mind rest from the grieving.

Teresa, I just share my things to hopefully help others with ideas to help themselves. You do whatever works for you. There's just no right or wrong way to grieve. I only want to share ideas. It's amazing the things one can come up with to help with the grief by taking notes from someone else, and switching it around to suit yourself. I'm sad for you, and your Fiance's loss of a friend. I'm glad your fiancé, has you to cry with, and you him. Peace, and Love to all!

Comment by Teresa D. on December 3, 2013 at 5:01pm

If there was an agree button I'd hit it down the page.

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 3, 2013 at 1:45pm

Teresa so sorry for your fiance's loss.  Today I went in to my friends classroom to help her kids with a writing piece. It was good to do it and I will go in for two hours every day this week. It made me see that I could not work full time now. I was looking for pictures of Kyra on the computer just now because we are making a candle for our children in my mother's bereavement group tonight.
I just found a series of pictures she took of herself at our house for her Christmas card last year and now I can't stop crying. Thank god we our going to my step-sons and his family this year in
New Mexico. I couldn't take being home without her this first year. I can survive until I see a picture of her not already placed in our home from before her death. Will I ever be able to look at them and not feel intense pain. I guess its way to soon.

Comment by Connie K on December 3, 2013 at 10:50am

Teresa D I am SO sorry about your fiance's friend. Please let him know we are all sending him prayers also.

I know what you all mean about sometimes shutting down. Sometimes a strange survival numbness sets in for days. Our hearts and minds can only deal with the pain for so long. Sending you all hugs and love and light for these difficult holidays.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 3, 2013 at 7:39am

Dolly, when I read your post I echoed ur feelings.. often i find myself shutting the topic off and feeling cold inside..frozen..

Comment by Teresa D. on December 3, 2013 at 5:49am

Anne, your right I have a hard time saying it.  I'm still having moments of denial. Just not ready to say it so easily to everyone.

Last night my fiancé received a call telling him his best friend was hit by a car and didn't make it.  All I can do is cry with him.

Comment by Karen R. on December 2, 2013 at 11:05pm

Hello to all.

Dolly, I know exactly what you are going through. It's similar to why I don't like counting or acknowledging the length of time that my son has been gone, it confirms it for me and I don't want it confirmed, I don't want it to be a reality.

Comment by anne on December 2, 2013 at 12:53pm

My experience has been that acceptance comes, and goes. As time goes by I have slowly succumb to acceptance. I got to that point after exhausting all other feelings, and emotions. For a while it was a back, and forth thing, but now it's more of a forth thing. Once I finally accepted the fact that I couldn't change what happened life got a bit easier. I didn't like it, and sometimes it still makes me angry, but for the most part it was a long hard road. A road that no one should have to travel, but then again we really didn't get a choice. I think I'm still here because I did go through all of the feeling, guilt, pain, and emotions, and along the way I learned how to release them safely. I like to throw things. I would go outside, and throw a ball at the fence as hard as I could. I punch my pillow, lay in bed, and kick, and scream. I don't do this much anymore, but every now, and then when all else fails I 

do things to let it out. I know these things are ways a child would throw a temper tantrum, but when I'm hurting I feel like a child. This worked for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is I had to find my own way of release. A way in which I'm safe, and so is everyone around me. Finding ways to release the pain, and anguish helps me be thankful to wake up everyday.

The holidays. Well I just roll with the flow. The things I can do, I will, and the things I can't do, I think twice about, and after a little thought if I can't handle it then I don't do it. The holidays will come, and go. If there's something I feel I can't do then maybe next year I can. There are holiday things I just stopped doing altogether. That's ok. I'm not the same person I was before, so I just do the best I can during the holidays, and every day. The only thing that really matters to me during the holidays is that I try to do my best for my own now little family, and be grateful for Jesus' birth. Everything else has become not so important to me. The star on the tree did glow for me again. I hope one day your holiday will glow once again also. Peace on Earth.

Teresa, this is just a suggestion, but instead of "he's not available" It might feel better for you to just tell them the truth "I'm sorry but he has passed away" When my Ben died I got a lot of phone calls for him, and I finally just ended up telling them that he passed away. I'm not sure why, but it helped me in a strange way. At first I didn't want to say it, but when I did I felt like I had released a little bit of pain.  I have had days where I wanted to shout it out to the whole world. Release that horrible pain in my heart, and soul, and just yell. It was good for me, but just a idea to run with in your own way.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 2, 2013 at 7:05am

Your not alone Dolly.  At times I get this overwhelming sense of fear even though I know the worst has already happened.  there's days I tell myself I can do this and then there's days I feel so lost and not sure who I am.

The holidays don't help. The hockey tournament is going to become my new Christmas, it's emotionally hard.  His friends list is filling up which is filling up my heart but making the tears come even more. 

Michael never had a facebook, he didn't want one.  He would say he had enough friends and didn't need a computer to meet new ones. 

Single females are sending notes and requests.  All I can do is ignore them because what am I suppose to say, "he's not available." 

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