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Comment by Michelle H on April 28, 2014 at 5:28pm

And a P.S...it's so sad to see new members enter the group. I remember my own entry a year ago and how devastated I was to be here.

Comment by Michelle H on April 28, 2014 at 5:27pm

I miss the ones who used to post more on here and I hope that they're doing OK. I know how hard it can be to write when sadness and grief overtake us. I cherish the posts that each person writes and wish I could always address each one of you personally. Know that I continue to pray for peace and comfort for everyone who has this awful burden to bear. HUGS

Comment by Michelle H on April 28, 2014 at 1:37pm

Vasanthi, that is the sweetest story about Mick covering his face and then letting you kiss him as much as you wanted! Just like a guy and oh so endearing!

Comment by Vasanthi S on April 28, 2014 at 12:17pm

reading everything and am so saddened that we have new members here in this family..but it is family and I welcome u all with love and wishes for an easing of this horrid pain we all feel..it is something that it does ease especially after sharing with friends here. Dolly, I feel for you and I think its a good idea to go and be in an unfamiliar place and would be nice to catch up with old friends too. Connie , oh yessssss every night whenever we were at home together, I would kiss his forehead and say goodnight before he slept .. at times he would kind of mock grimace and say eeeee and cover his face with the sheet and say ok now kiss me all u want :D... i wish i could do just that..i miss him sorely and every time i get a small shock inside when i feel i will never see that loved face again.. Teresa like u , i feel like saying mickyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy come home...:( love to all here 

Comment by Connie K on April 28, 2014 at 10:38am

Aww - Sue...it is heartbreaking for your grandchildren to be without their daddy. Just remind him daddy's always looking after him from heaven.

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2014 at 5:40pm

I guess it's one of those days for giving ourselves permission to just grieve. My sentiments exactly Ann. It made ME feel better for you to vent! Adrianne, Teresa, Lynn I feel you all. Today during the Sunday am talk at the Ashrama, they were speaking about the beauty of feeling God's love. The speaker said "...if you can imagine the BEST mother's kiss...." and that was it. I started the water works on the spot just because of the overwhelming truth that I will never get to kiss my son again in this world, on his beautiful, sweet face. It is one of the most pure feelings of joy for a mom. I am grateful that I had that in my life and know that love. And as much as I feel the great love, the pain is equally as great for the loss. But I would never trade it for anything. I guess I will have to settle for angel kisses. Oh my God how I miss him, I can hardly stand it, my chest feels like it's going to explode

Comment by Lynn Williams on April 27, 2014 at 3:19pm

Jacqueline I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. She is so beautiful. Some days it is easier to get through the day. I look out my window and there are about 25 bright yellow finches near the feeder, a reminder that spring is here.  It is cold here today and had to turn on the heat. Yesterday Kyra's farm family sent us a Thank you note for a present for their new daughter. We sent Maude a pair of carhartt overalls a perfect gift for a farm baby. She misses Kyra so much too. I know life goes on, a new season of crops and tilled fields, but some days I feel so stuck and want to go back to the day she died, and try again. I too am feeling sorry for myself today, I need a day to wallow in what might have been. Seems weekends are harder for me.  My husband is busy working on the out building and the barn getting it ready for my other daughter to move back home from Montana.  If Kyra were still alive I know she would have stayed there, but the memories of her sister being close by are over.  Death brings so many changes to ones life. I still can't comprehend that Kyra is not here a physical being that I can hear, touch and see. I feel her at times but like any mother want more. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow Anne. I have been having a lot of difficulty sleeping again. I stopped taking the Ambien and my mind doesn't calm down.  Hugs to all.. Lynn 

Comment by anne on April 27, 2014 at 12:24pm

Jacqueline, my heart breaks over your loss. I can't believe after all this time they still haven't found why your beautiful child died. It's unnerving that they have no answers for you. I know answers won't bring her back, but just knowing what happened would give you some sort of way to begin your journey.

Dear sweet Teresa, I feel your pain today. The yearning for what one cannot have is immense. I try to not dwell on things I can't change, but there's always those days when I feel more broken than ever. It's very hard to not wonder how different life would be if tragedy had not struck my life. I work at a daycare, and I take care of children of friends of my sons, and sometimes I wonder how much more I can take. I know I don't have any choice but to keep going, but this is one of those days when I wish I could stop the world cause I want to get off.

I'm feeling selfish today, and I'm going to allow myself to have self pity for a while today. I have stood strong and tall for so long, but not today. I'm tired, weak, and worn out. Tomorrow I am having a endoscopy to find out why I am having so much trouble with my stomach, and why I'm bleeding. If it was up to me I wouldn't even bother finding out why, at least for today. Some parts of this journey does get a little easier to deal with, while other parts become unbearable at times. Once again I'm having trouble sleeping, and I know that plays a big roll on how well I deal with life daily. I'm sure I will pull out of it, but I'm not sure how long it will take. Whew! It felt kinda good to get that off my chest. I sure wish I could just cry my eyes out and get it out, but I haven't been able to have a good cry in a long time.

Looking at the picture of that precious baby girl Alexcia has my heart reeling. I'd like to run but I know all to well that I can't hide, so for today I guess I'll just go with the flow. Here's hoping for all of us a little comfort today. May the Peace and Love that passes all understanding be with us all!

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2014 at 11:14am

Jacqueline - what a beautiful little girl. It's heartbreaking. I pray for something that can give you some closure about her passing. I know when I look at that picture, I can't help buy see my son at that age.

We all know the pain of losing our babies and our future as well as theirs. I am so sorry for you pain.<3

Comment by Teresa D. on April 27, 2014 at 7:28am

M I C H A E LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! This is how I feel today.  I just want to scream his name and go look for him.

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