Comment

Comment by Teresa D. on July 9, 2014 at 5:30am

We did stop in Miami.    I had a great time but there were moments I felt guilty about enjoying it. One morning I had a little melt down but pulled it together.  Just as I was missing everyone I met a woman who lost her husband and we shared conversation, which helped me.   

Comment by Lynn Williams on July 8, 2014 at 9:53am

Did you go through Miami Teresa? Today is Kyra's first angel birthday and we are all going to the farm today where she lived. We have been with my daughter Genna this week who also lives in Montana. I am so glad see is moving back to Vermont this fall. This day I am sure will be emotional but we had to come here. Love and peace to all lynn

Comment by Teresa D. on July 8, 2014 at 5:32am

Just came back from vacation and now I have to jump right back into work.  I have to catch up but I want everyone to know I MISSED YOU ALL AND THOUGHT OF YOU ALL WHILE I WAS AWAY!

Comment by anne on July 7, 2014 at 8:55pm

Dear LR, Your son Jesse is an angel. What a wonderful act of kindness. He must be pretty special. I say must be cause I'm sure he still is. After our 2nd son was killed my husband too went into a deep depression that lasted 4 years. He couldn't get his farm work done, he couldn't think straight. My heart broke for him. We talked about him getting  a job in town for a while to help him reorganize his mind, and it really helped. He's back to farming, and still working in town. It's certainly a time thing when it comes to grief. I remember after the 2nd accident when Ben died they tried to blame my daughter who was driving, but it didn't stick because he had a stop sign. They said she was speeding. He should've stopped. I'm sad they did that to you. I'm glad you got it straightened out. Peace to you!

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 7, 2014 at 8:01pm

Thank you Jane, sending warm thoughts to you tonight...it is a rough journey we travel...

Comment by Jane P on July 7, 2014 at 6:13pm

I wish I knew what to say to you.

I wish we weren't in this club.

I wish we didn't have to live like this.

I wish all of you only my best thoughts.

I don't have the words, but I have the thoughts.......

Comment by Jane P on July 7, 2014 at 6:05pm

Dear L R

I am so sorry........

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 6, 2014 at 11:29pm

Anne, I read that technique with beating an inanimate object before...I believe Elisabeth Kubler-Ross talked about it in one of her books...I have thrown things outside at an old barn wall...and do a lot of screaming when no one is around (I live in the country)....this is also my second child death for those who do not know....the person who ran over my son, Jesse is a total loser...I had faith, and so did Jesse...we even talked about service to God the Thursday before he died...Jesse was not a faker and would never put on an image for others...he was so kind to others...he did not make much money at all but gave away what he had...he once bought an older car , a Saab,  decided to sell it...an older lady called him to ask to look at it...it was in need of some repair but she said some family members that were very familiar with this type of car...when he met up with her she wanted to trade him a very very rough small pickup, it had holes in the floorboards...he found out she  was trying to take her grandaughter who needed lifesaving medical treatment to Mayo Clinic in this vehicle...so he traded her even...he knew he was coming up short but it was okay because of the little girl...

 

I have read some of the words that you Dolly have written about faith struggles with God, I so identify with them...I cannot wrap my head around this at all...there are some days when I want to jump off a cliff...my husband spends most of his evenings hiding in the bedroom ruined by grief...

I worried for so long about Jesse, I tried so hard...the first baby died because I missed the symptoms of SIDS, did not even know it existed...I was at a bible study when he died in the next room...

Now fast forward to 2012...Jesse was having asthma symptoms so I encourage him to go to the doctor, even found him the doctor...the Saturday before the accident I remind him to go to the doctor...on Wednesday morning the day of the doctors appointment, so idiot girl, not even supposed to be on the road because she is uninsured, runs him over in his own lane...

The cops initially tried to blame my son until I hired a private reconstructionist prove she was at fault...Jesse could not have passed more than 6 cars that day it was a rural route...and Ms. Idiot has to be there, just like a lone bullet...

Comment by anne on July 6, 2014 at 6:13pm

Thank you Dolly! I just know how hard this is, and I hope I can use what I've learned to help someone else maybe walk this journey with a few lighter steps.

Jane, I saw a psychologist, and she helped me greatly. She helped me learn how to take my pain, and use it productively. Like when I could I would pull weeds in the yard, and throw them as hard as I could into a bucket. Silly things like that. I saved up a bunch of plastic containers, put them in a garbage bag, and beat the heck out of them with a stick. It really helped with my anger. On days when I can't stop crying I count the squares on my kitchen floor. Sometimes twice! It gave my brain and my heart a break if only for a few minutes. It's not a bad thing to take medication. When you have a big trauma like the death of a child sometimes your brain slows down on the uptake of things like melatonin, serotonin, and dopamine. These are hormones that help with emotions, so if you need help it's good to get it. No point suffering any more than you already do. I'm glad your volunteering. It might not feel good at first but it just might feel good later. You never know what will help until you try. As far as the God thing goes, all I know is that He will wait for you to be ready for him. He waited for me! Keep letting the dark out in whatever way is comfortable for you. Much Peace, and Love to all!

Comment by Jane P on July 6, 2014 at 9:46am

Dear Anne, I believe you have become our rock. You have suffered more than most who grieve here. Yet, you find it in your heart to care for so many. Your guidance and wisdom is appreciated. I am grateful for your kindness.

I woke up this morning with a very heavy body. A very heavy heart. I cried out "oh no, please no more". And went to the couch. For another day of torture. I have been searching for help, what's wrong with me, what should I do? Psychiatrist? Spiritualist? Meds?

I haven't spoken to anyone in 6 days. I haven't left the house. I used to go hiking 6k almost every day. I did Zumba (for seniors) every day. I walk, I volunteer, I really tried to help myself. But then I felt it all slowly slipping away. And now I'm back to my abyss. I can hardly move, I hold onto walls when I walk, I am in a very weird place.

I have to pull myself together. I volunteer tomorrow. I must be there. I committed myself in memory of Danielle.

Yes, it's hard to admit but even I know I'm not well.

I've decided to take the meds. I need some relief. My body hurts too much. I have fought against taking them but I think it's the right decision for me. For now.

I believe in God, he's just a little distant right now.

Maybe that's what's wrong with me.

I have spoken more here in the last few days, than I have in 19 months.

May God bless all of you.

Thank you for listening.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 274
• 275
• 276
• 277
• 278
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page