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Comment by Vasanthi S on September 13, 2014 at 8:02am

Thinking of you all a lot. Am in India now and it feels like a mother again. Thats the best I can describe this. I sit in my son's room andfeel as if he is with me. My parents walk in and we sit there and talk like we used to when Shreyas was there and I feel as if he is as usual listening and smiling and being there. Nights I kiss the pillow he slept on and he used to raise his head slightly for the goodnight kiss on his forehead. I talk to him and say ," so should I leave your bedroom door open or shut?" as sometimes he used to ask me to leave it open. My heart aches and aches for him. There is nothing in my control in any area and I am just kind of going with the motions of daily living. It will be 3 years this Dec and I cannot believe that I have walked the earth for 3 years without him.  It is not just painful but it leaves me stunned. 

Rachel, imagine being asked if there is some kind of medicine to 'forget'. I would have been fuming too. Such recent losses take so much time to process, get to terms with it, find some meaning in life to live it well. People who ask are ones who cannot comprehend and they don't because they have not had such a crippling blow. Well good, let no one have such blows. A friend here on the phone was going on and on about some elderly lady who lost her sons and she knew them and how she cried etc. I was trying to keep my patience and told her how I had tried to deal with it by surrendering to the Lord and she says oh well all are not like you, strong and facing facts.... I didn't know what to say as I felt she meant i hurt less and can just brush aside everything . In about 5 mins after that i just hung up.Connie, Teresa, Michelle, Dolly,  will be sending you messages as I am going through some tough decision making times and need your advice. Will do it in a couple of days. Love to all xoxox

Comment by Rachel on September 12, 2014 at 1:50pm

Dear Friends,

First, I just want to say “Thank You Sincerely” to all of you for your kind words and encouragement this past week.  Especially for your “PRAYERS”. 

Zell, please “Thank” your mother for me.  I can’t tell you how grateful I was.  That was so very kind of all of you.  I am a truly blessed to have each of you now in my path. 

This has been such a hard week to get through.  After my sister’s comment about trying to find a husband, it just put me in such a bad place and even more in a depressed state. 

Not to mention later that same day a friend asked me, if there was some kind of medicine I could take, to help me forget.  And though, I’m hoping she meant well.  I blew up and asked her to leave and not come back. (It just floors me, because she has kids.)

On another note and much to my disappointment, I went to my first grief support group meeting called “Compassionate Friends”.  I was somewhat upbeat about going.  I was looking forward to meeting other people like me.  And much to my disbelief I was the only one who showed up that night, other than the group leader.  I did share with her but I felt rushed and there was just too much silence between us.  I was so heartbroken and felt so let down.  I left feeling worse than before.  I felt as though it was an affirmation to me that I was in fact in this journey “ALONE” and for the long haul.    I cried all the way home and all that night.  I was so emotional at work as well.  But I can say that though I was alone, I did feel some sort of peace.  Though I wish I did have a “friend” someone to be there, not say a word.  Just hold my hand and cry with me.  So, I wouldn’t feel so alone. 

Thank you all for listening.  Please keep the prayers coming as I in turn will send my “PRAYER” back your way.  I send you all my love, support, complete understanding and so many tight, tight hugs. 

Comment by Connie K on September 12, 2014 at 10:21am

Teresa D. - I will be thinking of you on Sunday. I totally understand how you are feeling. I am feeling the same. It will be 2 years for me on Dec.1 Maybe now we are finally experiencing acceptance - which seems to leave you in a quiet void just not sure of what to do next. And I am so sorry about Michael's dog. I'm sure he was a comfort to your ex husband and you but yes I think you're right. He is with Michael now. Love and peace to all of you.

Comment by Ammy on September 12, 2014 at 10:20am

Teresa, I think what you are feeling can also be normal.  I know I get to where I can't say anything else either.  We seem to have said it all over and over and it remains.  

I was thinking of you earlier as we are in Margate.  First time since losing our son (4 yrs) that we have gone away.  It is kind of calming to be in a different atmosphere, plus we have our 2 youngest grandchildren with us to keep our minds distracted.

I hope you get relief with your daughter's visit.  Distractions are a blessing.

Linda and all, I am always thinking of you and praying for some calmness to be with you.  I know we will never be as we were, but we can have days where it's not consuming.  Deal with today.  Don't look to far ahead.  It will overwhelm you.

I embrace you all in my heart.

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 12, 2014 at 10:15am

Teresa I am happy your daughter is coming to spend a few days with you. I will say a prayer for Michael and you on Sunday. The anniversaries of our children's passing bring memories and such intense feelings. I too found out today I have to put my daughters cat to sleep, she has cancer. I am reading such a wonderful book called, Glimpses of Heaven" by Jane Backrack it was just released. It is giving me comfort. Sending hugs to you Linda and Michelle. I think the site is going through a quiet period. 

Comment by Michelle H on September 12, 2014 at 8:40am

Sending you hugs, Linda.

Comment by Linda on September 12, 2014 at 8:32am

I've had a rough couple of day's. I just don't want to feel anymore.

Comment by Michelle H on September 12, 2014 at 8:24am

Teresa, you're going through a lot and probably on overload. It's all so overwhelming, no wonder you feel as you do. You have a beautiful outlook on Michael 's dog passing away. Now they can be together again.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 12, 2014 at 7:24am

I'm not sure what I am experiencing.  I seem to have fallen silent.  I just don't know what else to say nor do I feel as though I have words of wisdom for anyone.

Sunday will be 2 years since my Michael left.  His dog passed away yesterday.  My ex- husband has been taking care of him and called me crying.  I know he feels like he is losing a part of Michael. I am telling myself he called his dog and he went. 

I have a cabinet full of Michael's stuff and for the past few days every time I go in the room where it is located I think I smell death.  It is so strong that I just can't go in that room right now.  I know it is in my head but the smell is so strong. 

My daughter is coming to spend a few days with me.  I can't wait until she gets here so she can distract me. 

HUGS and prayers to all.  I wish I had more to offer.

Comment by Michelle H on September 10, 2014 at 2:00pm

Sometimes I will get a chat message from someone when I'm away from the computer. I leave this page up all the time so that it's easy to access. I apologize to all who have messaged me and it seemed as though I was ignoring them. The best way to reach me is by an email message on this site. Thanks and God bless everyone.

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