Comment

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 15, 2014 at 11:16am

Rachel,

What you are feeling is so normal, some people say that at three months the intensity of grief is felt stronger than when the death first occurs. You are not as numb from shock so reality hits you so forcefully, but it still feels like you have been suffering for forever. I had to get a perscription for Ambien from my doctor for the first nine months because I wasn't sleeping at all. I had to force myself to drink an ensure drink three times a day because I couldn't look at food at that time. Its been 13 months for me now and I am able to do so much more towards living my life. The pain and disbelieve are still with me, but I know I will survive as my daughter would want me to. Give the Compassionate  Friends a few more tries. Talking in person with others who have been through this so important. Teresa I hope it was good to be with your daughter this weekend to get through the anniversary of Michael's death. Dolly what a beautiful picture of Brandon you shared holding hands with the beautiful little girl next to him.She must miss him a lot too.  Thank you all for the kindness and support you always give when needed. 

Comment by Connie K on September 15, 2014 at 11:09am

Rachel

So sorry about the turn out at the CF meeting. Did the leader say it was unusual or that normally there are a certain number of people? Maybe because it was right after Labor Day holiday weekend. Don't be discouraged because every meeting is different and you should give it another shot. But we are always here for you on this site. Your daughters pics are beautiful. Hugs to you

Comment by Rachel on September 15, 2014 at 3:31am

Will I ever sleep again? Tuesday the 16th will be 3 months since I lost my beautiful girl. And yets it feels like it has been so much longer. The days and nights just drag on. Every day that passes I just miss her so much more. The hole just gets bigger.

I'm still feeling disappointed about my first grief support group meeting called “Compassionate Friends". I still can't beleive i was the only one who showed up that night, other than the group leader. I did share with her. I felt as though it was an affirmation to me that I was in fact in this journey “ALONE”.
Oh Lord, please send me someone to lean on, a good friend.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 14, 2014 at 10:54am

Brandon's picture made me smile. 

Thank you to everyone. 

I never thought I would depend on a group of strangers to help me threw one of the most darkest events in my life.

I appreciate everyone of you.

For those that have been in this room with me for the past 2 years.... THANK YOU!

For those who have entered in the past 2 years......I'm so sorry you had to join us.

My river of tears is quickly becoming an ocean.

Michael, Mommy loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Comment by Connie K on September 13, 2014 at 7:22pm

Vasanthi I just got home from singing with my choir at my first Maha Kirtan at the Vedante Center in Hollywood for Durrga Kali. I felt like I had visited a little part of India and thought of you. It was amazing with many choirs and audience all singing. I hope my sweet boy could hear it and feel it.

Dolly I think having a remembering place is so important. I have several. Every night since and every night until we die, we light a candle for Daniel by his pictures. I think we need something physical to be with in their physical absence. I am finally getting the teeshirt blanket made. I started emptying his drawers last week and got them all out and now have to get them ready to send off. Yes reality is definitely sinking in like you said LR.....

Comment by Lynn Williams on September 13, 2014 at 2:35pm

LR, Glimpsing Heaven IBSN is 978-1-4262-1514-8. It is a wonderful read. Love to all here, lynn

Comment by Jesse's Mom on September 13, 2014 at 2:12pm

Thanks Chelle, I will look for it there.

Dolly, I too have a spot in my home for my son Jesse. It is a small memorial space. My mom has done the same at her home. I also have a sister that passed in 2001. So my mom has this small area in her living room with their pictures and she lights candles there and has a daily prayer/mediation. I think whatever you find that helps you, keep doing it...

Comment by Jesse's Mom on September 13, 2014 at 1:47pm

Connie and Theresa, we are on almost the same timeline...October 10th will be the two year mark for me since my son, Jesse's passing.

 

I think Connie you said it very well, like there is some kind of void one is facing...

 

During these last two years I think in someway I believed Jesse was still coming home...my "head" acknowledged his passing but not my heart...

 

I am finding it harder to go to the grave site now...at first I went quite a bit...but the reality is sinking in too hard...

...seeing people I know in our small community and hearing their conversations of what their children are doing now...and I am reminded once again of all what is lost...

 

Someone posted not to think too far ahead...it probably is one of the few things that will be helpful to me...otherwise this all is just too overwhelming...

 

Someone mentioned the book from Jane Backrack...I could not find it...do you have an ISBN number? Thanks...

 

Wishing all a peaceful day...

Comment by Dolly on September 13, 2014 at 10:25am

VASANTHI I have been thinking of you constantly since you left for India... I wanted to call you and talk but at the last minute I chickened out.. I think I have developed a form of agoraphobia that even extends to talking on the phone.. I've always been pretty shy and reclusive, as you can probably tell by my little mountain house that's a mile back up a really bad old logging road and a mile back from the nearest GRAVEL road, and MILES from anywhere once you get OUT onto the gravel road.... but since Brandon died I have become almost totally unable to go out into the world... since I'm retired mostly... I still care for my other disabled son a few hours each day and am paid to do it by the state... so I don't HAVE to go anywhere... so I only go grocery shopping mostly and nowhere else.. even that makes me DIZZY.... so I'm sorry I didn't call... I am thinking and thinking about you VASANTHI and I have sensed something that has no name.... I also talk to my son all the time... I ask him how he likes his flowers... I have been keeping fresh flowers on his little corner stand that is still in the kitchen where he used to sit to be tube fed... I can't remove it... WON'T remove it... even tho some look at it a little sideways like I have a shrine or something.. well maybe in a way I do... not a worship shrine..  just a remembering place.... tho I remember him EVERYWHERE... I still can't even contemplate going back to the beach even though I have loved the beach all my life... well I hope to hear from you soon VASANTHI and I do hope this visit gives you some measure of peace... I have begun to feel deeply that our children are in a much better place then we are... a place where they are totally full of a joy we will NEVER feel here on earth... I guess in many ways my HOPE now rests in the possibility that one day I will go there too and be with all my loved ones who have gone there... so many.... well I love you Vasanthi... and Teresa D... and everyone here.... thank you all for being here for me....

Comment by Dolly on September 13, 2014 at 10:10am

Teresa D I too feel struck dumb these days as if nothing I think is worth passing on because nothing makes sense when our child dies and never WILL make sense and never WILL stop tearing apart our hearts... I dreamed about our little puppy last night... the one we found at the motel when we first went to meet our Brandon in preparation for his adoption.. so we adopted both Brandon and the pup from Baltimore... Angus was a tiny little pup and we loved him.. and later his daughter..  very much... someone purposely ran over Maggie May.. the daughter .. in front of our house and left her poor little body smashed on the road, and eventually Angus died of old age complications, but I do know how painful it is to lose one's pets and to lose your child's pets like you have is sort of like having the knife twisted once again I think.... Angus was very much attached to my husband, so not really Brandon's dog, but I will never forget that we found him at the motel when we went to meet Brandon for the very first time and feel like in some ways Angus was an 'angel' sent to guard us all.... I know some would say that's dumb but I don't CARE what some would say anymore.. that is one thing that has become very true since Brandon died... I DON'T CARE who thinks what if they are not supportive.... I just tune them out, ask God to bless them [before I bless them with a bat or something] and try to forget about their unkind words.. I do come in here often to read up and it hurts so much to see all the more recently broken hearts in here... so much pain... anyway, I do send you all hugs from the bottom of my heart but have stopped saying much because everything just seems to be silent and cold and lonely most of the time... and nobody needs to hear about MORE pain in here I guess... or at least I feel like I shouldn't keep heaping MY pain on everyone.... please don't think I'm criticizing anyone in anyway for unloading in here... heaven knows I've spilled my guts in here over and over.... just I can't seem to give anyone good news about how things are better now that its been 16 months... maybe someday...

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 249
• 250
• 251
• 252
• 253
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page