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Comment by Lynn Williams on October 11, 2014 at 4:06pm

I am having an especially sad day today. Lots of crying and angry my daughter is not with me. These feelings can sometimes come out of nowhere and slam you down hard. I think what you said Connie about knowing they are safe and alright is all we can hope for until we see them again. Love to all here.

Comment by Dawn on October 11, 2014 at 1:31pm

My son was already planning to be with us for Thanksgiving. I know holiday's will be the hardest but, he wanted a traditional thanksgiving so in his honor that is what I am doing because he would want it that way

Comment by kim on October 11, 2014 at 12:08pm

Teresa, ill never cook those special dinners again, with out my shawn its just not worth it any more. these holidays are just another day to me. I got rid of every holiday thing in our home. I feel to empty to give a shit any more. but thank you for careing and thinking of me. love and hugs     kim

Comment by Teresa D. on October 11, 2014 at 9:30am

Kim, I know holidays are the hardest, try to focus on the years you did have with Shawn.  Cook that dinner he would have loved.

Lynn is right for us it becomes minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.....

Connie for me you hit it right on the head.  I totally relate to your words.

Comment by Connie K on October 10, 2014 at 7:27pm

Kim - sweet of you to say - we are part of a family here

Comment by Connie K on October 10, 2014 at 7:24pm

Josette I am so sorry this is happening to you all at once. But no - you're not the only one feeling tested. We go along thinking that life will work out the way we expect it to, that we will live long happy lives with our children following their dreams and with grandchildren all around. I will never have either. We have been thrown into accepting the harshest reality. We all die. As we get older more and more people around us pass. As my husband said "it's like rain" (we are 57). 2 weeks after my son died, my dear aunt passed. 3 weeks ago my cousin (my aunt's son) who is 2 years younger than I, hung himself. 2 kids from my son's high school committed suicide by jumping off the school roof this past year. The sadness is overwhelming and yet we must learn SOMETHING from this - that no one is guaranteed tomorrow - not even the children - time on this earth is fleeting - love is all there really is - so let nothing go unsaid to those you love. Through all of this horrific and blinding pain, I have been tested and it has made my faith stronger. I have to believe my loved ones are okay and still growing and experiencing something we cannot comprehend. I look forward to the day when I can be with my son and hear all about his adventures. And that he is with his sisters that died in vitro and with my Mimi. I have to believe or be forever pulled into darkness from this great loss.

Comment by Josette A. on October 10, 2014 at 6:32pm

I am wondering if the Man above is trying to test me. I have lost 3 family member in 3 weeks. First my son, the following week my dear Uncle and last night my close cousin. Why is he doing this? People say "He only gives you what you can handle" or something like that. I really can't think clear as I just received this information about my cousin. It really has me in a whirl. The man above wants us to have faith? But why when he is taking the ones I love from me?  Why is he being selfish? Am I the only one that has ever felt like this? SO many questions and not enough answers.

Comment by dream moon JO B on October 10, 2014 at 4:42pm

Comment by kim on October 10, 2014 at 1:37pm

josette  im so sorry for your loss, I lost my only child my son shawn nov 5, this weekend is thanks giving here in Canada, it is my first without my baby. im so heart broken and crying all the time, I no long celebrate any holiday, I gave everything away tree for x mas, easter and thanks giving, I just cant do it any more without shawn. the people in here are just great, there here for us when ever we need them, they understand our unbearable pain, they cry with us each and every day. they are  MY FAMILY now and I do love them all.  hugs to you   go slow   kim

Comment by Connie K on October 10, 2014 at 12:16pm

Josette

 I am so sorry for your loss. Yes we all know the feelings you are experiencing. All the what ifs and hows and whys. It is just too much. Somehow we think we have everything in control in life. The initial grief is just overwhelming. Lynn is right , you just have to do it a day at a time, a minute at a time, You will need support and people to talk to that KNOW what you are going through. Hopefully there is a local support group you can find and we are all here for you.

These holiday seasons really are the worst, aren't they? I mean I don't feel resentment I just can't bring myself to participate yet. When I go to look at my decorations, my chest wells up and I simply cannot do it. I have to just get something new and simple. Halloween I just get pumpkins. All the decorations bring up too many memories right now. My son passed on Dec.1st and the anticipation is palpable. I use to make him soup a few time a week. And now I dream of having some but just can't bring myself to make it. I still freak out in the grocery store and have to leave! I have had to find new stores to go to. The pain is so intense, but I just have learned to handle it better. Then  there are days like I've had this week....I was fine and then BAM, I broke down in the car and spent the rest of the day in bed. No way to tell anyone how I feel so I just say I am sick. We all wonder Why me? Why him? It is just all wrong and against the natural order of things. I want to stay strong and make my son proud. I do know he is with me and I feel his presence when I need him the most. For that I am grateful. Love to you all. You are all in my prayers.

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