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Comment by Sandy Hendrix on March 11, 2015 at 10:34am

Hey there...Teresa, that is a beautiful jersey quilt, I love that. Dolly, that's such a nice pic of you and your son and I'm so sorry for all the stuff you are having to deal with, that is all so hard.  Denise, I think you can only do what feels right to you.  Whatever will feel right to us on our babies birthdays is what we should do.  I know it will be a very hard day and I'm already dreading it.  Randy's bday is in May and already wondering how to cope with the day.  I'm really busy at work right now so keeping me somewhat distracted, but the ache and hole in my heart is there every minute and the tears always try to come.  Always thinking about everybody here. Much love

Comment by Dolly on March 11, 2015 at 9:30am

Hello Teresa...and Connie.. and Jill... sorry I don't come in here very often anymore... I miss you guys a lot but we are fighting so many battles right now... in about a week my husband has to go find out when they will do his goiter removal surgery . we have to go to Charlottsville VA to see a world renowned surgeon there .. a Dr. Levine...and then we will have the surgery scheduled I guess.. and we are still trying to stop the 42" gas line from going in front of our little mountain house..  and my husband is trying to get back to officially being in remission after the setback last month... so most days I have nothing left to say... love you guys

Comment by Dolly on March 11, 2015 at 9:24am

here is my boy.. its a pic from way back when we first adopted him... he was about 4 and I was about 50 then ... he died when he was 22..in 2013... suddenly and without warning... I'll never be the same...

I put this pic in because its the one I use on the site I mentioned so you can identify me easily if you do decide to check it out...

Comment by Dolly on March 11, 2015 at 9:19am

Denise I think anything we can do that celebrates our children is good.. I have a hard time doing it myself.. for some reason I guess down inside it feels like I'm admitting he's really gone and a part of me still wants to NOT BELIEVE that... I believe our kids are still alive somewhere, but I don't want to admit to myself that they are never coming back to this earth.. consciously I know this but part of me still screams in denial and anger inside where I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time... I do flowers and keep his room open to see in and I talk to him and sing to him.. sometimes I light a candle on his little table I keep in the corner where he used to sit to eat... I think the quilt idea is great too but have never been able to get up the energy to organize it for myself... I gave most of his clothes to his brother since they both wore them interchangeably anyway so that way its not such a shock to see them being worn by someone else... I've given away lots of toys, and have had some stolen from me by a former caregiver to my other son.. that's how she became a 'former' caregiver.. some people are just the pits... I say anything you want to do you should do and what you don't want to do... don't do... its the only control we have at all over this horror we are living..hugs to you... also there is a site where I started a group of remembrance.. the people running the site seem real so far... its a Christian site and my experience with organized churches hasn't been great in the past ..anyway you might want to join me there in my group to celebrate our sons... its: http://www.refreshinghope.org

Comment by Denise on March 11, 2015 at 8:09am

Also , do ya'll think its a little odd to some how celebrate my sons b'day next month by friends and family getting together at the grave and releasing balloons with a message on them ? I've read that somewhere

Comment by Denise on March 11, 2015 at 7:12am

It's been awhile since I've been on here but I lost my 8 yr.old boy in a car accident in October of this past year 5 months the 22nd and it just seems to get worse instead of betting (the missing or looking at his things) at first I couldn't wait to get the toys out of site it hurt so much and gave a lot away but then it was overwhelming and I just put everything in his room and shut the door. It's packed with toys and clothes. Am I awful for just going to the grave yard a very few times sine then? My parents go 2 times a week

Comment by Teresa D. on March 11, 2015 at 6:57am

My daughter had one made for dad and one made for me.  I still have some of his jerseys left.  I even kept the bag of scraps and had a shirt made from them for a teddy bear to give to his best friends little girl.  She kept asking where is Uncle Mike and it broke my heart so I wanted to give her a piece of "Uncle Mike".  

Everything is a process and takes time. 

Comment by Teresa D. on March 11, 2015 at 6:54am

Jill, my Michael loved his jersey's.  At first my intention was to give each of my nieces and nephews one of his jerseys, but when the time came I couldn't part with them.  I couldn't give them away, I couldn't pack them away yet I knew my closet couldn't handle the weight of them either. 

In the end my daughter took them and this is what she had done with them.

Comment by Connie K on March 10, 2015 at 1:08pm

Jill it is best to be busy and creative. The painting class would be great fro you I'm sure. I'd love to do it also. I love Sedona. Just a little far !

So it's good that you have the momentum to plan and do these things. I am sorry about you d-i-l. It must be very difficult not to have access to your son's things

Dolly glad you found a spiritual community to support you.  It is the only thing that keeps me sane. And it does take daily meditation and intention to keep our thoughts in a higher consciousness. It helps so much to nurture your spirit. That will keep you closer to Brandon's experience now and those signs will come even more

Comment by Jill E on March 10, 2015 at 12:30pm

My move has certainly kept me busy but the grief come in literally tremendous waves. I plug along then crash. I know you understand. Work will be good. I plain on getting my home all fixed up and have already decided to volunteer, join a gym, who knows I found this thing that talks about trying to do oil painting in Sedona. I am taking my Koshie with me on this new adventure, in my heart mind and soul. I love you my Joshie!

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