beverly zuriff
  • Female
  • San Tan Valley, AZ
  • United States
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Latest Activity

beverly zuriff left a comment for Natasha
"Hi Natasha, I know how painful and lonely that can be.  I losy my husband two months ago and it doesn't get any easier.  I can only hope in time, I will be able to accept thisand I hope you can too.  Welcome to the group.…"
May 24
beverly zuriff left a comment for Deborah Santos (Grawunder)
"Hi Deborah, I know this is very painful for you as I am going through the very same thing.  I can only take it day by day and hope I will gain strength eventually.  I hope you will begin to feel better soon.  Bev"
May 24
beverly zuriff left a comment for Richard Rivera
"Hi Richard,  I hope you are doing better today.  I know how terrible it is to lose the lose you love. Sometimes the grief is unbearable.  I wish I knew how to deal with this terrrible sadness.  I guess we just have to go through…"
May 18
Richard Rivera left a comment for beverly zuriff
"Bev: I go to bed every night early so I won't  have to be awake. I'm now getting sharp pains again in my chest and losing my breath. My time is coming. I only hope as I decline each day that when my heart gives out I go…"
May 16
beverly zuriff left a comment for Richard Rivera
"Hi Richard,  I hope you can begin to accept what has happened to you.  I prey that for myself also.  Life without your love is terrible.  What can we do?  I guess, we try to accept what we cannot change, but for me, right…"
May 16
Richard Rivera left a comment for beverly zuriff
"Bev: You're not alone. I cry and scream out in grief every night. Like you, Annette and I had no children.  We were pretty much anti-social. ALl we needed was each other. I now live each day waiting for my time to die and be with her as…"
May 16
beverly zuriff left a comment for Richard Rivera
"Yesterday, Richard, was a very sad day without my husband celebrating mother's day with me.  As I was lying in bed later in the day, I looke up at the ceiling and I saw a basket of beautiful flowers.  I never had hallucinations in my…"
May 15
beverly zuriff left a comment for Lori Aubin
"Sp very sorry for your loss and what you are going through.  Beverly"
May 12
beverly zuriff left a comment for David Blanco
"Welcome David.  So sorry about your loss."
May 11
Kelli left a comment for beverly zuriff
"Today I yelled and screamed for my Mom. I am getting married in July. I miss her so much."
May 11
beverly zuriff left a comment for Aydan Quinn
"I am so sorry to learn of your grief.  Online grief support was a giid choice for WE are all suffering through our own grief situations and we know how you feel.   we are here for you."
May 10
beverly zuriff left a comment for Kelli
"Thank you Kelli,  This may be a repeat comment but new to site and not sure you received my messages."
May 10
beverly zuriff left a comment for Jackie cooke
"Thank you Jackie, it means so much to me to think you are with me, waling beside me."
May 10
Jackie cooke left a comment for beverly zuriff
"Hi Beverly, I understand your pain and grief and anger. I lost my partner Shirl, on 12 March we'd been together since I was 16, 36 years. My life ended when hers did, I wish I had faith, iv never been particularly religious but always thought…"
May 10
beverly zuriff left a comment for Kelli
"Tonight I was shouting at god asking why he look my sweatheart away from me.  I don't even know if I do have any faith but it felt good to scream at someone or something.  My faith is broken and the fact that I will never see him…"
May 9
Kelli left a comment for beverly zuriff
"Hi Beverly. I am so so sorry. My parents were married 53 years when my Mom passed. My Dad has been lost for the last six months. They were even high school sweethearts. Truly the only thing that has helped him , is that he got a dog. Not a puppy,…"
May 9

Profile Information

About Me:
I became a widow 13 days ago and the grief is overwhelming. We were married 36 yrs and were very close. I don't know how to go on alone.
About my Loss:
Husband died 14 days ago, miss him terribly

Comment Wall (16 comments)

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At 5:22pm on May 16, 2017, Richard Rivera said…

Bev:

I go to bed every night early so I won't  have to be awake. I'm now getting sharp pains again in my chest and losing my breath. My time is coming. I only hope as I decline each day that when my heart gives out I go quietly.

I'm going to see my beloved. The medical bills are coming in and I can't pay. I spent $60 just for my new blood work -- that's a weeks worth of food. This misery has to end. I'm going to go back to the lab for more tests and they'll basically  tell me what time I have left (fact is I can't lose the weight of 420 pounds and I have no way to pay for any gastric bypass operation anyways).

So each miserable day is one day closer for me. I'm not frightened. As I said, if there's an afterlife my pain will go away.

If there's no afterlife the pain will still go away. For a pathetic loser as myself, it's a win-win situation.

My groin has bloated to the point where it's so huge, it dangles down near my knees. I'm now disfigured and have children make fun of what they think is a beach ball between my legs. The pain's astonishing. I pray Annette each night and call out to her to forgive me, and embrace me. I'm a freak in my current state. 

That's okay. Life is what it is and Annette is "waiting" in the next room when my time comes.

At 2:42pm on May 16, 2017, Richard Rivera said…

Bev:

You're not alone. I cry and scream out in grief every night. Like you, Annette and I had no children.  We were pretty much anti-social. ALl we needed was each other.

I now live each day waiting for my time to die and be with her as I do believe in the afterlife. Death doesn't scare me. It's just I have enough health issues that when I go I want to go with the least amount of pain.

I scream out to ANnette (as you do your loved one) to please come for me. Don't leave me behind but I get no answer. I she's here and she influences me on a meta-physical level that I don't quite understand. 

It doesn't diminish the pain even if she appeared to me as a ghost, being, ball of energy. I just want our old life back. I just want to talk about how boring the day went. The local gossip, the songs she made up on the fly when I couldn't sleep and she'd literally sing me to sleep.

We had our good and bad times. The the bad times took over and we had only each other. We were facing eviction as both our health declined. Yet no matter how we cried we always embraced and loved each other.

She and I did have days where we'd literally slap each other over an argument (stupid ones) and forgive each other. We did it for 13 years. 

No like you , I live alone. The loneliness if utterly terrifying. I can only pray that my time comes quick. I can't stand the thought of living and each day is a struggle as I am running out of unemployment and can barewly walk -- and I still don't qualify for disability.

I suspect the homeless part will come true. I've fought long and hard when Annette was alive to avoid being out on the streets when I lost my job.

I now sit waiting for the sun to set. And cry on my knees dreading it when it rises in the morning because it mean facing another lonely day.

But together knowing others suffer as we do give us just a bit of hope we can live, wait and be reunited with our loved ones.

At 12:56am on May 11, 2017, Kelli said…
Today I yelled and screamed for my Mom. I am getting married in July. I miss her so much.
At 2:29am on May 10, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Beverly, I understand your pain and grief and anger. I lost my partner Shirl, on 12 March we'd been together since I was 16, 36 years. My life ended when hers did, I wish I had faith, iv never been particularly religious but always thought there was something out there, now I just think we're alone. I cry all the time, can't see the point in anything, the only thing I do is make sure our dog Bisto and cat flix are ok, nothing else matters. I cant face the thought of years and years without Shirl, we knew the minute we met we were meant to be together for life and nothing's changed.

I wish I was stronger, there are some strong people on here who will offer you more support, I can just tell you your not alone in your grief as I am walking right beside you. Take care jackie
At 10:17pm on May 9, 2017, Kelli said…
Hi Beverly. I am so so sorry. My parents were married 53 years when my Mom passed. My Dad has been lost for the last six months. They were even high school sweethearts. Truly the only thing that has helped him , is that he got a dog. Not a puppy, but a house trained younger dog. He talks non stop about her and takes her for car rides and walks. Not sure how you feel about pets. I miss my Mom so so much. Do you have nearby family?
At 6:47pm on May 1, 2017, AnneJ said…

Beverly, my heart hurts for you so early in this ugly, painful journey of grief and abandonment. Yes, we have been abandoned with no hope of ever seeing his face again. I never left the house for a year; not because leaving was so bad - it was the coming back that be the unbearable part. He's not here. Where is he? I know where he is, he's dead. I can't live without his presence, there is so much pain and anguish I will go mad!

And here it is, 3 1/2 years gone in the blink of an eye. My 20 years with him, gone in a blink of an eye. 

So - there is no answer to the Great Question, in my rational opinion. That question being, "why have a heart when it can be shattered into agony like this for no reason???" 10,000,000 years of evolving, I guess. From the basic need of "Help me, I'm hungry, lost, and lonely", to "Can I help you?" 

Three and a half years of back-breaking labor and that is what I have unearthed.

AnneJ.

At 5:58pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I so envy you that faith, I want to believe it so much but at the moment I can't believe there is a God and a heaven, if so why is this happening to so many good people who have only ever loved and helped people. Apart this moment in time I find I am not trusting anyone, people who should be standing with me have turned against me, all because of money of course. Friends who were around at the beginning have gone back to their lives. I have my dog and cat, if not for them I would not bother to try to carry on at all x
At 5:22pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I know Beverly, the pain is totally all consuming, I just wish I could have some sign, or dream but there is just silence all the time. I can't stand doing all those little jobs around the house we used to do days and nights are so long, I can see why people die of a broken heart x
At 3:34pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I don't know if I want to adjust, does that mean we are getting used to our lives without them? I don't want to get used to a life like that. I'm the opposite of you, I don't go to bed till after midnight,lie awake till 3 then get up at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe but now it's just another reminder of how alone I am x
At 10:30am on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi how are you doing, I'm finding everyday is getting harder. I can't motivate my self to do anything. I just sit and cry. I hope your surviving better than me x
 
 
 

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