beverly zuriff
  • Female
  • San Tan Valley, AZ
  • United States
Share

Beverly zuriff's Friends

  • Jackie cooke
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman

beverly zuriff's Groups

Gifts Received

Gift

beverly zuriff has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

beverly zuriff's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
I became a widow 13 days ago and the grief is overwhelming. We were married 36 yrs and were very close. I don't know how to go on alone.
About my Loss:
Husband died 14 days ago, miss him terribly

Comment Wall (14 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 5:22pm on May 16, 2017, Richard Rivera said…

Bev:

I go to bed every night early so I won't  have to be awake. I'm now getting sharp pains again in my chest and losing my breath. My time is coming. I only hope as I decline each day that when my heart gives out I go quietly.

I'm going to see my beloved. The medical bills are coming in and I can't pay. I spent $60 just for my new blood work -- that's a weeks worth of food. This misery has to end. I'm going to go back to the lab for more tests and they'll basically  tell me what time I have left (fact is I can't lose the weight of 420 pounds and I have no way to pay for any gastric bypass operation anyways).

So each miserable day is one day closer for me. I'm not frightened. As I said, if there's an afterlife my pain will go away.

If there's no afterlife the pain will still go away. For a pathetic loser as myself, it's a win-win situation.

My groin has bloated to the point where it's so huge, it dangles down near my knees. I'm now disfigured and have children make fun of what they think is a beach ball between my legs. The pain's astonishing. I pray Annette each night and call out to her to forgive me, and embrace me. I'm a freak in my current state. 

That's okay. Life is what it is and Annette is "waiting" in the next room when my time comes.

At 2:42pm on May 16, 2017, Richard Rivera said…

Bev:

You're not alone. I cry and scream out in grief every night. Like you, Annette and I had no children.  We were pretty much anti-social. ALl we needed was each other.

I now live each day waiting for my time to die and be with her as I do believe in the afterlife. Death doesn't scare me. It's just I have enough health issues that when I go I want to go with the least amount of pain.

I scream out to ANnette (as you do your loved one) to please come for me. Don't leave me behind but I get no answer. I she's here and she influences me on a meta-physical level that I don't quite understand. 

It doesn't diminish the pain even if she appeared to me as a ghost, being, ball of energy. I just want our old life back. I just want to talk about how boring the day went. The local gossip, the songs she made up on the fly when I couldn't sleep and she'd literally sing me to sleep.

We had our good and bad times. The the bad times took over and we had only each other. We were facing eviction as both our health declined. Yet no matter how we cried we always embraced and loved each other.

She and I did have days where we'd literally slap each other over an argument (stupid ones) and forgive each other. We did it for 13 years. 

No like you , I live alone. The loneliness if utterly terrifying. I can only pray that my time comes quick. I can't stand the thought of living and each day is a struggle as I am running out of unemployment and can barewly walk -- and I still don't qualify for disability.

I suspect the homeless part will come true. I've fought long and hard when Annette was alive to avoid being out on the streets when I lost my job.

I now sit waiting for the sun to set. And cry on my knees dreading it when it rises in the morning because it mean facing another lonely day.

But together knowing others suffer as we do give us just a bit of hope we can live, wait and be reunited with our loved ones.

At 12:56am on May 11, 2017, Kelli said…
Today I yelled and screamed for my Mom. I am getting married in July. I miss her so much.
At 2:29am on May 10, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi Beverly, I understand your pain and grief and anger. I lost my partner Shirl, on 12 March we'd been together since I was 16, 36 years. My life ended when hers did, I wish I had faith, iv never been particularly religious but always thought there was something out there, now I just think we're alone. I cry all the time, can't see the point in anything, the only thing I do is make sure our dog Bisto and cat flix are ok, nothing else matters. I cant face the thought of years and years without Shirl, we knew the minute we met we were meant to be together for life and nothing's changed.

I wish I was stronger, there are some strong people on here who will offer you more support, I can just tell you your not alone in your grief as I am walking right beside you. Take care jackie
At 10:17pm on May 9, 2017, Kelli said…
Hi Beverly. I am so so sorry. My parents were married 53 years when my Mom passed. My Dad has been lost for the last six months. They were even high school sweethearts. Truly the only thing that has helped him , is that he got a dog. Not a puppy, but a house trained younger dog. He talks non stop about her and takes her for car rides and walks. Not sure how you feel about pets. I miss my Mom so so much. Do you have nearby family?
At 5:58pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I so envy you that faith, I want to believe it so much but at the moment I can't believe there is a God and a heaven, if so why is this happening to so many good people who have only ever loved and helped people. Apart this moment in time I find I am not trusting anyone, people who should be standing with me have turned against me, all because of money of course. Friends who were around at the beginning have gone back to their lives. I have my dog and cat, if not for them I would not bother to try to carry on at all x
At 5:22pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I know Beverly, the pain is totally all consuming, I just wish I could have some sign, or dream but there is just silence all the time. I can't stand doing all those little jobs around the house we used to do days and nights are so long, I can see why people die of a broken heart x
At 3:34pm on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I don't know if I want to adjust, does that mean we are getting used to our lives without them? I don't want to get used to a life like that. I'm the opposite of you, I don't go to bed till after midnight,lie awake till 3 then get up at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe but now it's just another reminder of how alone I am x
At 10:30am on May 1, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
Hi how are you doing, I'm finding everyday is getting harder. I can't motivate my self to do anything. I just sit and cry. I hope your surviving better than me x
At 3:37pm on April 28, 2017, Jackie cooke said…
I know Beverly, today I was numbly watching tv, I have it on all,the time just for a sound, but it was a lovely programme about rescue elephants in India, I actually turned and said look lover aren't these elephants lovely, and couldn't believe I was looking at an empty sofa, I even looked at yen door to see if she gone out the room without me seeing, how mad is that x
 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I feel like you are going through a rough time right now. You're not alone. One of the great things about a site like this is that you are a world away but I know who you are and I know that you are missing your mom just as much as I am.…"
10 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree Brett. Completely. My mother used to worry about small things and I used to get irritated sometimes. But now I miss it"
10 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My mom worried about every detail of my life. There are some who would say that is intrusive. I felt that she was just being a mom. I miss that so much. I had the flu last year. I was laying in that bed and all I could hear was silence. My mom would…"
11 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Good morning Adams. It is 9:40 AM in India and I am at my job and trying to concentrate hard as my Mom always wanted.  I have almost stopped complaining of anything in life now as I have already lost my most precious gift. Now what ever I have…"
12 hours ago
morgan and joe kelly are now friends
18 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, the fact that you were close enough with your mother to share your negative feelings about your job shows real intimacy, which I think is what loving mothers treasure above all else.  So hard accepting that we will not hear that beloved…"
20 hours ago
Profile IconCilvia and Aimee Hall Fuszard joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Even my mother always used to say that live your life fully but I was always complaining on some matters. She used to worry about me the most as I was not stable in my job and used to talk about quitting it often. She always used to say, love your…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, my mom said those exact words....."
yesterday
morgan commented on Alice Thompson's status
"Alice,  I regret not getting it together to write on Dec 2nd as I recall that was your anniversary of your husbands death date.  I have just been swimming upstream through the rapids.  Each year during the "seasonal"…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Your mom sounds a lot like mine. She also used to say, "I lived my life, now you have to live yours." "
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You know what when my mom could not be resuscitated, her eyes were wide open and looking toward the right towards me as I walked in, she saw me I know it.  I shut her eyes.  I wanted the hospital staff to leave me alone.  They were…"
Saturday
SeLV commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Let those tears flow.."
Saturday
Alice Thompson posted a status
"Still here; still missing my love with all my heart; hoping we can all get through another lonely holiday season."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"SelV, your mom would have had it no other way. She saw you take your first breath. You saw her take her last. I experienced that as well. If I had my way, I would have gone before my mom. Is that selfish of me? Yes. I don't care. Losing mom was…"
Saturday
SeLV commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Dear all...the thought "What if I had died due to unforeseen circumstances and my elderly widowed mother had to grief my death?" crossed my mind many times. Knowing my mother, her world (of me and her) would have collapsed and she would…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I think you're right, Theresa. We are a sad bunch. I think our moms would be touched that we love them so much, but they would probably also want us to be happy and move on. I just don't think that's possible, nor do I believe that my…"
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So I have been really busy at work and with moving, but of course at night when I get in bed I cry and cry. I finally have come to realize this will be the new normal I guess, I do not think I will every stop missing my mom ever..."
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Cancer Sucks -- how do I deal with this
"Pamela Cancer is indeed a plague. Death from cancer is only part of the story. The journey from diagnosis to death is horrific and overwhelming. Even though cancer effects a lot of people, there are so many that just don't understand how…"
Friday
Profile IconClaire Bartlett and Amy joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service