Comment

Comment by Teresa D. on June 24, 2013 at 6:32am

I have a challenging day today.  I've asked God to hold me up and help me through. 

Mary, I almost thought I wrote your entry.  We share the same thoughts. 

I just want everyone to know why you share your grief just like myself it is very helpful and comforting to me to know I'm not alone. 

Comment by Rosemary Eskew on June 23, 2013 at 8:53pm

I thank you for your prayers, I feel lost . But a mother is not suppose to bury their child. I will look into your reading suggestion.

 

Comment by anne on June 23, 2013 at 8:36pm

Please try not to hold yourself accountable for your sons death. I know as a mother we think we can keep our children safe and protect them. In reality it's a no go. A hard fact to accept.

Comment by Rosemary Eskew on June 23, 2013 at 8:05pm

I need to no my child is ok. I need to know God has him in his arms and that he forgives him for his addiction and will let him in heaven. I cannot go on if he is not there. I love him and will gladly give up everything to save him. I could not save him here, I tried. I feel so guilty for his addiction. The pain is unbearable

Comment by Rosemary Eskew on June 23, 2013 at 7:57pm

Hello , My oldest son (32) passed on April 11 2013. He was alone at my kitchen counter and died from an overdose. His brother found him two days later. I was away at the time. He had been clean for two months, I thought he was doing good. I am heart broke. I cant imagine our lives without him. I don't know how to go on.

Comment by toni m dicarlo on June 23, 2013 at 4:14pm

anne , I have often wondered about my husband, 2 years later and he still cries almost every morning. gabe was 1 week away from his 16 birthday and dad and son had big plans.  My husbands life was all about being a dad to the most wonderful boy and we felt God truly blessed us with our son and I am so happy I had him for 16 years but his dad is still so mad and hurt. Men do this grieving thin different. I went to grief counciling for a year and my husband only went for 6 months. he sat in the councilors

office and cried for and hour every week and then quit going  

Comment by anne on June 23, 2013 at 2:49pm

I'm sure if not for my faith I would not be here writing to. Even when I get do angry, and need to scream my head off some how he finds a way to help me. After my little boy was killed I knew in my heart I had to believe, but in my head I wanted no part of God, Jesus, Angels, any of it. I wanted them out of my heart and soul. Then I would get a strange feeling in my heart. I felt like God was crying too. Then I remembered how his own son was crucified. So I figured he must know how I feel. Then I got to thinking, if God could save anyone wouldn't he have saved his own son? I'm not much of a church going woman, but nothing else has comforted me more than my personal relationship with God. I'm hoping he understands or I'm in deep trouble!!! I have to let out my deep dark, nasty, obnoxious thoughts to the only one in my life that I can do so freely. Sometimes I think things, and feel things that  nobody else should have to hear. I admit it. Sometimes I get really angry and think some pretty awful stuff. After I get it all out those feelings go away. I think I have posted this before but since we're on the subject of God I'd like to post it again. I don't know to many verses from the bible but I will never forget this one.

Matthew 18:14 So it is not the will of my father that the little ones should parish.      To all of us our children at any age are our little ones. Thanks to all of you for not telling me to shut up! Sometimes I can go on, and on! Peace to all!

Comment by Teresa D. on June 23, 2013 at 11:27am

Vasanthi, I will be thinking of you today. 

Thank you for thinking of me.

 

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 23, 2013 at 10:57am

Echoing all the sentiments felt here. Today is exactly one and a half years since Shreyas , my son, isn't here in the physical body.

Teresa , please do not ever feel alone.. you are not.I know the feeling of unreality we have so well, questioning whether we are really here and writing this, the feeling of not being able to cognise the time gone by.. feels like yesterday and feels like a million years ago, the wanting and longing to have a deeply loved one within reach, the inability to comprehend.... but above all what is coming through is so amazing , the trust and faith that God is taking care of it all , the tremendous faith also given to those who are hurting so much by those who are feeling strong for the day. I am so honored to be a part of the group here. Love to all. 

Comment by Teresa D. on June 23, 2013 at 9:59am

I'm too scared to lose my faith.  To me to do that is telling myself my Michael is not in heaven.  I need to believe that God would not allow my Michael to be anywhere else.  I also have to believe that God will carry me through this.  Some parts of this feel very confusing but I have to keep my faith.  I ask my father everyday who is also in heaven to take care of my Michael until I get there.  I need to believe my Michael can hear me and feel me.  When I drive alone I tend to cry a lot, but I always ask my Michael to hold my hand.  I need to believe he is.

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