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Comment by Lynn Williams on December 18, 2013 at 9:28am

I just want to thank you all for helping me cope with the loss of my daughter, Kyra. Your presence in my life has given me hope that I too am strong enough to weather this unimaginable loss. Tomorrow we go to New Mexico to be with family, staying home would be much too difficult this year.  I am so honored to have met you all, such compassionate women. My we all find a little more peace and joy in the coming new year.
Much love,
Lynn

Comment by Michelle H on December 18, 2013 at 9:14am

Adrianne, there is no guilt that you need to bear. The damage done to your son was done by another person and you did not bring that person into your life to hurt your child. We all do the best we can with the knowledge and abilities that we have at the time. There is no perfect parent. It's impossible to understand the nature of God and why He allows pain and suffering in this lifetime, but I don't believe He causes it. Our questions will be answered in the next life. Until that time, I hope that you continue to take each new breath as it comes. You are cared for here...no judgment or guilt. Please love yourself as we love you.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 18, 2013 at 8:55am

Dawn..intensified and magnified other small things that every little disturbance assumes huge proportions... i hate this.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 18, 2013 at 8:31am

Adrianne, how awful to watch your most precious one go through pain..but he is so loved by you. Please do not allow guilt to rob you of what was the most important ingredient in your relationship..nothing is your fault.. you did not go out to deliberately harm him..it just happened that some things backfired.please feel the enormous love you have for your son and he has for you..Losing an only child means we lose a part of the future which we thought we had, we lose the present and the future.. I can empathize and mourn along with you,but remember that every and anything in time has a span which we at this level do not know the 'why's' of... let us live in the now and keep the child firmly entrenched in the space of the heart..nothing else helps.. please do not walk down the road of guilt as there is terrible suffering there, we do have a choice, please use that.. hugsssssss 

Comment by Teresa D. on December 18, 2013 at 5:13am

Hugs to all!

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 18, 2013 at 3:08am

A few typos in my post. Couldn't stop crying enough to proof read. Sorry.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 18, 2013 at 3:05am

Night time ritual to read what you all post here. I relate to all. It is as if you are in my head and my heart. I lost my eldest and only son Auguat 17, 2011. He was beautiful, loving and tormented. He was a victim of a crime when he was very young and kept it a secret almost all of his life. Unfortunately it was my fault. A man I thought I loved. Don self medicated and we spent his life with each other dealing with guilt, sadness, anger and extreme frustration. He got sick with the worse possible bacterial pneumonia and wasn't expected to live. A few horrific surgeries and life support. Doctors committed to saving him were ecstatic when he lived. Don fought hard and there's not a day that gies by that I don't visualize his fear during the process. Sent home finally to a primary doctor with a half of a lung missing and fluid in his lungs to recover. Insurance would not pay anymore. Primary doctor gave him several prescriptions. One contained 90 of the strongest dosage of dilaudid. A prescription my oncologist says he would never give a cancer patient in critical pain. Don died of an accidental overdose. Days, months and years prior of therapy, medications for anxiety, panic attacks and depression all for nothing because of a doctor who very well knew Don's medical history and propensity to self medicate. I'm left with extreme guilt, the memory of fighting with a son I loved more than anyone due to frustration and a broken heart. Every day I slip further away. Wanting to die and no longer afraid because my faith has been compromised so greatly. I can't imagine a god so loving that his plan for us could include this horrendous pain. I'm sorry I failed the very person I have loved more than anyone. I miss him every moment that I'm still breathing. He was my right and left hand. He helped me with everything I needed help with. Lifting, yard work, painting and endless chores. And he did them better than a team of 3 men. I really don't want to do this anymore. Thank you for listening. It hurts to hold this in.

Comment by Michelle H on December 17, 2013 at 8:31pm

Dolly, thank you so much for the lovely birthday card for Chris. It's so very appropriate and thoughtful. I love how the angels are carrying his ship to heaven. It will give me a new and positive image of how he spent his last days. You are a dear person. Sending hugs of gratitude.

Comment by linda hernandez on December 17, 2013 at 5:53pm

thank you all my friends for the thoughts it really helps,i would love to help another but i am disabled also i am in end stages of copd really thought i would go before my son,but he went first,i would often pray to god to help me,with what would happen to him if i was to go,it weighed heavy on my mind,wasn't going to leave him with family they didn't understand him,so i always ask my self was this god saying i will take him my child and care for him.maybe so i am at peace where hes at just hurts alot he was innocent a beautiful son i never seen his disability just his smile again thank you all for your comments it helped  

Comment by Michelle H on December 17, 2013 at 9:03am

Linda, I can only imagine the void that you feel. Much of your life was devoted to taking care of your son. It must feel, on some level, that your purpose in life has been snatched away from you. I'm so very sorry. Anything I could suggest to help you would seem trite and would miss the mark. I guess our best hope is to keep living so that the death of our children doesn't mean the death of our spirits.

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