Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
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Latest Activity: Nov 3, 2022
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Dolly - love seeing Brandon's bright light up the room smile! Thanks for sharing.
Teresa - how did the tournament go or when will it be?
Love to all
Connie, thank you so much for your wonderful ideas. I read what you wrote last night and just cried, but it was good. I love your ideas and I will for sure do some of this, just for me. As Michelle suggested I put his stocking where I don't directly see it but where I can find it. I love the idea of the letters and the candle on Christmas, thank you... hugs to all, my new friends I have made on here are helping me more then anything. I so dread waking up every day and crying but I find strength in hearing from all of you...x0x0
Oh Dolly, those are so precious!!! What a beautiful smile. I can't get out the school things and the pictures from other Christmastimes this year. Maybe next year.
this is such a DEEP sadness... it fills you right up inside and spills out... or sometimes it doesn't spill out but just pushes and expands inside until I think I'll explode from the pressure and the pain... hot and cold... shaking... but worst of all that LONGING that NEVER stops....God how I miss you my sweet son....
I've been so stressed, overwhelmed and depressed. I open this site and the first thing I see is Brandon's big bright smile. Thanks Dolly I needed to smile.
I realize now, It's not so much I'm not participating in Christmas, it's just I'm not participating the way I use to and it's starting to take a new shape. I haven't had a tree or decorations since Michael left but I'm now (as overwhelming as it is) doing the tournament. I also find myself donating a little more. I don't know what shape it will take but this is all I know to do to make it through.
I put them in tree picture frames from Walmarts... I want to look online for more different frames for this years pictures... if it was just me I would cover the tree with them....
I'm making lots more picture ornaments this year for the tree too... here's the ones I made last year...
I buy flowers for Brandon all the time, and at thanksgiving I put a little gingerbread lady on his little table... I put up on the tree every school ornament with his picture on it, or made from his hand print or anything he helped make [he really couldn't do anything like hold a crayon or anything by himself, but his aides in school held his hand and helped him so they still mean alot].. and I talk to him and play music to him.. not every day but almost every day and sometimes most of the day if I'm feeling really sad ... I know we have to think of others who are missing our loved ones who have left us, but we also have the right to reach out to our 'lost' loved ones in ways that help us still feel connected somehow.. it is a balancing act I guess, but some days I just do whatever I want to do no matter what ANYONE else thinks or feels... maybe its selfish, but those days I don't care...
Sandy, if your heart is telling you to put up the stocking, you should altho i appreciate you are juggling everyone's feelings and expectations. But you are his mother. And if having a stocking was something that brought you and your son joy then it would be a tribute to him to have it there. Hopefully if you tell your daughter gently that this would be in memory of him and that it would help you also, she will understand.
But this is something only you can know. No matter what you will be sad and if the stocking helps, why not?
I still buy my son gifts. It helps me. This weekend was very difficult. We went away for the "angelverssary" and I bought a tibetan singing bowl that had the OHM symbol in the 7 sacred metals (he had that tattoo). I have a small collection of these and had gotten Daniel his own. But none like this. I feel that music, sound, bells, vibrations transcend dimensions and that he can "hear" and definitely feel them. I get special candles also. You could get one to put in the stocking and burn fit or him on Christmas Day. You could fill it with notes or poems from family members written to him as a way to express their feelings and then send the messages up with balloons or read them if they wish. I'm sure you can think of many small ways to still give him gifts.
This way it is not just an empty stocking and a sad reminder that no one will be there to open it the next morning. I truly believe he will be there in spirit and will see the beautiful love you can still share.
That you are even decorating shows your strength. I still haven't been able to pull out our Christmas tree decorations or have a tree for 2 years. But he was my only so I don't have to do it for the sake of other children. And I realize that what I am suggesting may be too difficult if your other children are upset by it and in their own grief... so follow your heart
I think that is a good idea Michelle, thank you... the last few years, my daughter and I were in AZ after Christmas and I always put both stockings up there even though Randy didn't come, it feels too weird with it not being up, ha like anything feels normal anymore.
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