Comment

Comment by Rj on March 21, 2015 at 8:41pm

And you always will dick. I am less than 2 months into losing my son, the suffering is awful.

Comment by Dick on March 21, 2015 at 7:48pm

I still love and miss you Danny.

Comment by Teresa D. on March 21, 2015 at 3:54pm

Deann, it hurts any time someone new joins.  I don't want to welcome anyone here but I'm happy you found us so we can support you, listen to you and be there for you as much as we can.  We know all about the stupid comments.  Some of us even know about being that stupid person before we were forced to take this journey.  Again I'm so sorry you have to experience this lost.

Comment by Rj on March 21, 2015 at 1:21pm

Oh connie you are so right. I just went for a drive to nowhere. Everything and everyone just seems so foreign to me. Ive been short of breath all morning. Even the xanex hasn't helped. I didnt think i would need another refill but realized thursday i was in need, the anxiety attacks come out of nowhere. Weekends seem the hardest, larry and i would meet up for lunch and catch up. I always looked forward to that. Hes gone now, the center of my universe. Hard losing a son and best friend all at the same time. Some things have been in the middle of the floor since i got the call from the police on feb 1. The house is a disaster where before i always kept a nice tidy home. Same way with myself, hard to even get a shower, been in the same sweat pants for days. I dont eat....this is my life. I will never delete his name and phone number from my phone. I have a voice mail of his voice. Its even hard to listen to. I was listening every day. This is not living, i so want to be with him.

Comment by Deanne B on March 21, 2015 at 11:25am

I woke up feeling very sad and not sure why till I realized it is the 21st - my son, Steven died on December 21st - only 3 months ago.  I ache.  I want to talk about it but there is no one here who even knew him and I hate to have people feel sorry for me.  I'm also afraid of comments like "He's in a better place"  "Time heals all wounds" and more stupid comments.  I feel badly because I probably said stupid things to other's who were grieving.  So I will go for a walk, and thank God I live in such a beautiful place where the birds sing and the sun is warm. I will remember the walk I took with Steven two years ago that was so precious - where we shared our regrets and forgave each other.  That memory is bittersweet.  Glad to have a place where I can at least express my grief - with people who understand.  Thank you

Comment by Connie K on March 20, 2015 at 2:19pm

Rj - when you lose an only child, you lose that dream of your family continuing , of the joy of grandchildren and seeing your own child experience becoming and being a parent. It is heartbreaking and right now for you it is all a huge shock. Just do what you can. Little by little you will learn how to manage the pain. Somedays you won't and that's okay. Sometimes just walk. the rhythm helps, being outside helps. And remembering that the spirit lives on and that your child is okay and in no more pain. And right there with you always in your heart. Hugs

Comment by Rj on March 20, 2015 at 12:41pm

Thank you all. I am trying to manage. I am glad i found this blog. I see you are survivors so maybe there us hope for me. It makes me so sad, the thought of never having any grand children. Larry would have been such a great dad when the time was right. No signs of depression, nothing!

Comment by Ammy on March 20, 2015 at 12:33pm

Adrianne, can't you just sign in using the old email address?  I looked all around and don't see a place where you can change your email.  They need to fix that.  Send an email or message to Diana Y.

Comment by Ammy on March 20, 2015 at 12:31pm

Connie, thanks for thinking of me.  I understand the apprehension of another birthday without Daniel.  My son's is 3 months away and I'm already thinking about it.  I think some of us have finally accepted most of the time that this is what we have to live with and then there are still the times we deny it.  I really never thought it was going to be this hard.  Will be with you and Michelle in spirit as you have these days.  Hugs and wishes for peace.

Comment by Ammy on March 20, 2015 at 12:24pm

Michelle, I'm thinking of you as this 2nd year approaches.  They are all hard; every year, every birthday, every holiday.  You have grown stronger and we will be with you.  Hugs and wishes for peace.

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