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Comment by Jesse's Mom on June 25, 2015 at 1:10pm

When my sister was ran over and killed in 2002 we had to do cremation. Her ashes were buried but a small keepsake urn was held back. This keepsake urn of my sister's ashes will be placed with my mom when she passes. They will be buried on the same lot as this is allowed where we live. (Our law allows for two cremains or a combination of the urn and coffin) . Wishing those facing this milestone peace.

Comment by Lynn Williams on June 25, 2015 at 10:27am

Today my husband and I are cleaning house and making beds in the spare room. My step-son his wife and my two grandchildren come today from New Mexico. My other daughter will come after work and stay overnight. They are coming to bury Kyra's ashes on Sunday and I will not go. I will go to church instead because I can not watch her being buried in the cemetery. I will tell them all tonight at dinner and I hope they get why I can't be with them.  I hope I can enjoy everyone visiting us and not only focus on the main reason why they came.  Your so right Sharon and Teresa it is so hard for us all here. Kyra's birthday is July 8th and she would be 28 this year. Two years since she died seems like an eternity and yet it still doesn't seem real in away. Time has no meaning for me anymore. Love to everyone here..Lynn  

Comment by Sharon Robertson on June 25, 2015 at 9:30am

Her birthday next month (July) ....... finding myself unable to do the house work and drowning myself with tv or computer ..... hmm got to really try and pick myself up.... think I will take a photo of the mess around my house and put it some where I can see it to remind me not to get down to that point again.

Understand how you feel Jill ....it takes real effort to get up in the morning and the bed looks so inviting during the day.

Comment by Sharon Robertson on June 25, 2015 at 9:25am

Teresa I wish that it didn't effect me that way, but I guess it is always going to be a trigger point, I actually find it hard to have dreams for the future for my to youngest girls aged 9 and 11 and struggle when I have to go to sport activities as I spent so much time inputting into my eldest daughter, sitting around while she trained (she was a runner) or driving her to sport comps......so empty now but with Gods strength I try to make an effort.

I wonder if it will change when both my girls have passed the age of 17 (the age my daughter was killed) or do I dare to think that far.

What about funerals... I feel a bit of a coward ... I have chosen not to go to any since I had hers, not even for close friends who have passed.... I just can't bare the thought of it.... could you imagine everyone sitting in silence and there I am howling like a little baby (I didn't cry at my daughters funeral... so numb) cause I know that,  that would happen...... and they would probably think "wow she is really upset about so in so dying" when really Im not crying for them at all.

have you ever felt like that ?

Comment by Teresa D. on June 25, 2015 at 6:12am

Sharon R. your not alone.  the day Michael left we talked about his future for 2 hours.  So yes, when I hear others have that conversation it hurts me.  I grieve Michael's future.

One day I had to sit at a table of woman who did nothing but talk about their kids and grandkids.  I wanted to yell, "SHUT UP" but I knew I couldn't.  Instead I did everything I could to block it out and to fight the tears. 

Comment by Sharon Robertson on June 25, 2015 at 5:21am

Was waiting for my two girls to finish gymnastics this afternoon, sitting in front of me were some other mums and dads..... couldn't help hearing their discussion about their young children.... planning were they would go to high school, what sports and musical instrument they play......with out a care in the world.....mean while I was growing more numb.... thinking "you wait, I wonder if you would be still excited and determined if one was taken from you... all your plans oh how happy you are....... you have not a care in the world that one day perhaps one day this might all change for you.

Struggling with all the others who have not experienced grief, they have such joy in planning with all their hopes and dreams.

Sorry if that sounds so morebid but I start to feel so spaced out when I hear others talk with such joy about what they want for their children, my head starts to hurt and I try to hold back the tears.

Has anyone else felt like that !!!!!

Comment by Jill E on June 24, 2015 at 7:38am

I don't know how to get myself out of bed anymore, no reason to.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 24, 2015 at 6:17am

For those using your last name just want to let you know that if someone googles your name they will find and be able to read your posts.  If this is your private place, as it is for me, you may want to drop your last name.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 24, 2015 at 6:14am

Sharon, your not alone.  We are all right here with you and reading every word. We all know about the "new normal". I'm accepting "THIS IS IT". Your right everything has changed and nothing including us is going back to what it was.

I use to be strong now I'm a bowl of mush.  The other night I had a dream of my Michael. I was bursting at the seams wanting to tell everyone "I SAW MICHAEL"....no one but me thought that was something to burst about. 

What matters to us doesn't matter to others. 

Comment by Jill E on June 23, 2015 at 9:49pm

Sharon-I totally understand. I have turned into a hermit, totally opposite of the way I was. I was the jokester the one the was always laughing and kidding around. There are barely any glimpses of that person. That person is gone and will never be back.

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