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Comment by Connie K on March 3, 2016 at 4:37pm

Dear Dee

 I am so sorry for all of your losses. That must have been incredibly difficult for you to go through. I hope you can find some support and comfort here. Sending you love and hope. Connie

Comment by Teresa D. on March 3, 2016 at 6:48am

Dee I don't like to say, Welcome! Just not the kinda of group you like to welcome anyone to.  I'm with you I have to learn to live without my Michael.  Still trying to figure that out.

Comment by Dee on February 29, 2016 at 9:04am

Hi everyone.  I'm new here but my 25 year old son passed away almost 4 years ago.  At the time he passed my husband was battling cancer and I was the caregiver for both him and my elderly mom.  My husband died 16 months after our son.  My Mom died in December.  So, now I am living alone for the first time in my life.  I knew how to be a daughter, a wife and a mom. I' m now trying to learn how to be just me.  I've read all your posts and my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

Comment by Ammy on February 28, 2016 at 10:52am

Christine, I am truly sorry for the loss of your son.  All of us here know how you feel and it's true that we never think our child(ren) will not be here because we are suppose to go first.  

One thing I have learned for me is that there is no exact way to understand everything associated with child loss.  We share our feelings and we all seem to relate and yet each one is individual and separate.  The one thing that I found to help me the most was to just concentrate on today.  If it's a bad day, feel bad.  Don't suppress your emotions.  If it's an okay day or even a good day don't feel guilty.

Try to not think on the regrets; those are in the past; you did your best.  Switch your thoughts of regret to a happy memory.  

Our love for our child(ren) doesn't die.  They live on in us.  

I pray everyone is well and send hugs to all.

Comment by Christine McAteer on February 22, 2016 at 4:21pm

I lost my son just over a year ago to a heart aneurysm.  He lived in Phoenix and he drove out to the lake, got out of his truck and fell on the ground.  He was hooked up to life support for over 24 hours but he was brain dead.

Some days I am okay.  Some days it just hits me and I am sobbing remembering him as a baby, as a little boy, as a teenager.  He had a drug problem from the time he was 14 he was an addict but he did manage to get clean the last two years of his life.  His life was painful for me I was always worried about his doing drugs but his death is even more painful.  He was my only child.  I had suffered tubal pregnancies and lost two babies in my tubes after he was born.

I think back on his childhood and I regret so many things.  I was very young when he was born and I came from an incestuous dysfunctional family.  I had no idea how to raise a child but I loved him with all my heart.  This is so hard to go through, your children are supposed to outlive you.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on February 21, 2016 at 4:37pm

I find myself agreeing with everything that is said here...

From Dolly,  "I feel totally unable to find my way anymore and feel like my life is never going to be much of anything from here on out.. "

so absolutely true for me...I am just passing the time. Everyday I pray for God to take me to my son. Some seem to get their footing, but I have been unable to, and I always knew, if something happened to one of my children again, it would be it for me...(I lost my infant son at a Bible Study, he was taking a nap and passed to SIDS, I had no clue this even existed at the time.).

I internally reference myself to the name Mara, which in the bible refers to the Book of Ruth, the Mother-in-law, who lost all her children and husband. She changed her name from Naomi to this because of the bitterness of her life.

 

Comment by Connie K on February 21, 2016 at 4:36pm

Hugs to you Jill (((  )))

Comment by Jill E on February 21, 2016 at 11:12am

I lost my 33 year old son alittle over a year ago. He passed away from alcoholism. He had to have been drinking for years. I never knew. Now I see signs I should have seen in the past. I feel his death is due to a character flaw of mine. What did I do? I came from a family of functioning alcoholics...I told my 2 sons. My daughter-in-law never said anything. She lived with him. She had to have seen the physical changes let alone his behaviors. She never told me. I might not have been able to help but I never got a chance to try. My daughter-in-law said she will send me some of Josh's things. I have yet to get them. We moved to Arizona to be closer to our other son. He lost his job and moved to San Antonio. So here I am. Living in Sacramento would have been unbearable for me. Work impossible. I could not have retired unless we moved out of California. I miss Josh so much. The pain is immeasurable, I try to stay busy so I can't think. But concentrating is impossible. My friends in CA no longer "talk" to me. I had to quit FB almost a year ago due to the pain it was causing me. I am going to CA at the end of next month. Need to do and see a couple of things. My dying is so scary. I think about it all the time. I can't leave my youngest son, he would fall apart. WYWH my Joshie I love you

Comment by Teresa D. on February 19, 2016 at 9:46am

Toni, I went to work Monday bragging about how much my son loved me and how much he expressed it in the phone call.  Not knowing after that phone call he hit the floor and was waiting to be discovered, yet there I was at work bragging.  I ask myself all the time why didn't I hear something as we talked? How did I not feel something was terrible wrong? 

Connie your song has touched me and I hear the words in my head.  "Momma don't cry for me I'm living in eternity" . I think it hits home for me because I know you dug deep into your soul for the words.

Dolly it is so great to hear from you.  I miss my feisty friend.  You can't cause me any gloom.  I'll listen to any whining you need to do. 

Some many of you think your here to get help without realizing you have at the least helped me a lot.  People who came in when I did I feel like your my best buds because I took this journey with you.  those who came before me helped me not be so disappointed because they spoke the truth without telling me it's going to get better.

Those behind me....sorry but you remind me where I was and make me see the progress I have made. 

I need all of you.  Those who want to rant and whine it's okay cause it let's me know my ranting and whining is okay. 

Also Dolly no doubt Brandon made sure you were aware of his presence through the smell of those lilies. 

I am ever so grateful for all of those that I have been on this journey with.  THANK YOU! 

Comment by toni m dicarlo on February 18, 2016 at 9:04pm

I come to this website twice a week and I see that MOMS saying what I feel every day. How am I doing people ask and I say OK but I'm not! I put on a semi smile when people see me and tell myself at least I'm trying and to hang in there because you will see him again

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