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Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 14, 2014 at 10:48am

Tracy, you are so right, people are uncomfortable and don't know what to say.  I hate that my coworkers are happy and just moving along with their weekends, omg do not say 'have a good weekend' to me, it just pisses me off.  I know I need to not take it out on them, it's certainly not their fault but it's so hard.  I just sit in my office alone and try not to talk to anybody.

Leslie, everything you said yesterday is so true, I hope its gets easier but I know the pain and emptiness will always be inside me.  I don't want to keep feeling this awful for years to come. I am trying to have moments of being ok but I feel like I'm pretending, just faking it. Trying to have a decent Christmas for my daughter. We watched Christmas Vacation last night and it feels good to laugh and try and forget our reality even just for a little while.  I also thank God to have found all my new friends on this site, I am drawn to it as well.  Its the only place we can really vent and say how we feel and everybody understands.

Connie, I love that you and your hubby had the same dream. I believe that is so significant. I dreamed of Randy a couple of weeks ago and not since.  It was hard to see him in my dream and wake up and him not be here.

Hugs and strength to all of us today and thanks for being here x0

Comment by Marie on December 14, 2014 at 10:32am

Thanks for commenting back. I think I will take the dreaded question case by case, but always say I have three kids...I am like you Teresa, I always feel like I have to be so honest about everything. I am not putting up a tree or decorating, and I have been lying to students too when they ask me. Whatever we say is going to feel terrible!  

Comment by Marie on December 14, 2014 at 2:43am

I feel like I am dying. I just want to die!!om my God! How do I get through this?

Comment by Leslie C on December 13, 2014 at 8:21pm

Wow...except for the names and situations being different, every single comment could be coming from me! I am a mother that had 3 kids and now only have two living. Everyone that knows me knows I lost my son, but I dread running into folks in the future who knew him and are unaware of his demise. I am so glad to find a place where I am not alone, no matter how sad our community is. It has not even been three months since my son died in a auto accident. I cannot imagine a whole lifetime without him! I read posts by others, Connie K., and I here you say that you are feeling very like me and it is two years! I have got to believe it will get easier, even if the pain never changes.

Surely, more and more I will be able to think of the good and not focus on the guilt and anger. Surely, I will always love him but I know I cannot let it be a pain to me all the days of my life. I have to find a way to miss him but celebrate the time he was here with me. I have got to find a way to be strong, stay connected with my other family members and FUNCTION.

You all are in pain and I am sorry for you, and for me. But I am so grateful that I am able to talk to you, to read your posts and know that there is nothing wrong with me. Loving and then losing a child is really hard. It just is hard and there is no way to make it be a good experience...

Comment by Connie K on December 13, 2014 at 4:25pm

Britt - what you are experiencing is normal for those of us walking this path. After 2 years, I feel the same way. You just take it a day at a time , a moment at a time. And by now other folks REALLY think I should be "moving on". For most people, this is their worst fear - for good reason. Nobody wants to be reminded that none of us are guaranteed another day. It's just so hard when your heart is crushed and people are going on with their lives. We just have to learn how to manage this pain as best we can.

As far as when people ask the dreaded question "Do you have kids?" or "How many" I have now started answering them with the truth because I just can't deny that he is still MY SON. I say I have one son and unfortunately he passed away. Of course that's the bomb nobody expects. I even found myself apologizing for "blurting it out". That "it". But then I told them that that this is my reality now and I can't deny it. I'm sick of worrying about how everyone else feels. If they ask, I will tell them and then try to tell a happy memory about him. That seems to ease the tension and also allows me to express my feelings a bit and take the opportunity to celebrate his life and keep his memory alive. If I don't want to talk about it and am feeling particularly vulnerable and feel that someone may eventually ask, I try to steer the conversation away from kids before anyone can bring it up by asking them lots of questions about themselves! Also Teresa, like you,  I do take into account who it is and try to figure out how to deal with how much info do I want to share.

I had a dream of him last night when he was about 10. The dream ended in a hug. My husband also had a dream of him last night that ended in a hug. To me, that's significant. Because Daniel passed on Dec.1,  the whole month is so hard. Just when we are in the greatest despair, he seems to send us a message that he's still here - only in a different form. But oh how I long for that hug again. I still can not believe I will never see that sweet face again except in dreams.

I thank God for all of you here and pray for strength for us all.

Comment by Tracy Huston on December 13, 2014 at 3:10pm

Yes I think people are uncomfortable, they don't know what to say and they're scared they will hurt our feelings. I'm glad they can't relate - wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but wow it sure gets lonely. That's why this site is so helpful. At least you all understand and I can talk about my son without weirdness and awkward silence!

Comment by Brenda on December 13, 2014 at 3:01pm

My daughter passed away 3 months ago and Britt I feel the same way you do. No one wants to hear about what we are going through because it is so bad. I can't blame them in a way but that sure doesn't help us get through the day. I don't know what to say or do. Nothing helps the pain and sorrow or the feeling of being lost. There is this huge void that nothing will fill. I try to stay busy but I really don't want to move off the couch. You are absolutely right. It is a nightmare. I am very thankful I found this sight. At least I know I am not alone and a lot of what I am going through is somewhat normal. Hang in there.

Comment by Britt on December 13, 2014 at 2:12pm

My son passed away a little over a year ago. Nothing in my life is going well. I don't know who I am, and no one seems to understand what I am going through I feel like I am having a bad nightmare. No emotional support not even family members. I can't sleep well or even functions. I feel overwhelmed & pressured. I do not want to forget my son, and it hurts when no one wants to hear about him. Sometimes I just do not know how I will get through the day. Is anyone going through similar dealings of having no one to talk to or emotional support? 

Comment by Connie K on December 13, 2014 at 2:05pm

I'm with you Teresa I thought I could move forward this year also but have found with many things that I'm just not ready and THAT is hard because I wonder when will I....

It's okay to tell the kids a white lie because you are simply protecting yourself from dealing with it all right then. Sometimes the time just isn't right. When folks ask me if I'm ready for the holidays I just say "I'm workin' on it!"

Hugs to everyone.

ps Don't forget about TCF candle lighting tomorrow!

Comment by Tracy Huston on December 13, 2014 at 12:55pm

That's a hard question and I wondered the same thing.. I now say 3, one is in heaven or 3, 2 living.. Or just 3 and no explanation bc he's always been and always will be my son. Just kind of depends who it is and how I'm feeling..

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