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Comment by haniyyah on March 9, 2015 at 12:08pm

I would love that

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 9, 2015 at 12:06pm

Connie, do you mind if I pass this information along to the other mom? I think she lives in southern California...

Comment by haniyyah on March 9, 2015 at 11:36am

Hi im new to this, but i lost my son i was 8 months pregnant i had him december 12 2014 he was a still born im 22 years old and I'm still so broken i have no clue what to do, and i feel so alone in it, so I'm hoping this could help me

Comment by Connie K on March 9, 2015 at 11:35am

The drumming circle ...I am sitting here trying desperately to decide whether to do it again this year. I had a real communication from my son last year. An "Ah ha" moment when the idea emerged because I know it was HIS idea. I just got chills writing that again because it's true. There is a guy who teaches the african drum circle at a local place and I hired him to come to my house. He brought the jhembe drums (up to 20) and we all sat in a circle outside while he led a very moving lesson. He left an empty seat for my son and at one point we went around the circle each person doing their own expression for 8 counts and when it came to Daniel, there was that silence but it was good. Because we could ALL feel him there and during it a beautiful wind came through the yard. It truly was a spiritual experience. Everyone he loved coming together to do something he loved. I really loved it and and trying decide if I can really have that experience again or do something else. I think I have to ask my son. This is such a hard time leading up to his birthday. As mothers, we have those physical memories of carrying our baby and birthing that child, as well as our soul connection. My friend sent me a study done I think at Berkley where they have found that we share deep connections through the DNA forever. I have to find that article...

I went to that service yesterday and it was difficult but it reminded me of Daniel's service and how many peoples lives my son touched.

Love and prayers to everyone today. I hope you all find the strength to dealing with this crushing pain.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 9, 2015 at 11:16am

Thanks Sheri for the kind wishes, when I find something that may help even in the smallest degree, I try to share it.

 

Connie, will send a prayer for you, these things can be difficult to face after loss. I still have my prescription of Lorazepam 0.5 mg and do have to take some on those hard occasions.

Also, Connie, I had a question about the drumming memorial you have for your son, can you share what a little more detail? I had another mom ask for ideas for memorial after the one year mark and thought of what you did.

Comment by Connie K on March 8, 2015 at 10:57am

I still have my son's phone on after 2 years also. I still send him messages and sometimes I'll notice that my mom has too. I still have his facebook page active and occasionally a friend will send a message and it makes me feel good to know he has  never been forgotten by his friends (some I never met) and that they have somewhere to express that. He had a very strong impact on so many people. He has taught me many lessons...

Today is the funeral for a friend's 25 y.o. son who passed a few weeks ago from a heart attack from heroin overdose. I had every intention of going but now I'm not sure if I can. I know they would understand if I don't.  But I know how important it was to be supported on that awful day. I still don't know how I got through it except for that half xanax

I think I will go and give my friend the Martha Whitaker book that helps me still - Healing After Loss. I can make an appearance and see how it goes. My husband has to work so I have to go alone. Everything is so difficult

Comment by Sharon on March 7, 2015 at 7:28pm

Hi Laurie,

We still haven't turned off my sons phone either... I know it's crazy, but it give us confort to text him...  Tomorrow is one month since my son was taken from us.  Seems like so long ago.  I miss him so much. Pain is still intense.  I'm glad that you had a little mini retreat yesterday... you deserve it!  Take care.

Sharon

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 7, 2015 at 12:25pm

I find that Saturdays, and the day of his death harder. The weekend comes and I think about what we should be doing and are not.

 

Yesterday, I went to the local hotel to go into the pool area. They offer a day pass for a small fee to go into their pool area. It was nice to be warmed up again after all this cold, and the sun shining through all the windows helped a little too.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 7, 2015 at 12:22pm

We have kept our son's phone on, just so we can call it and hear his voice once again. I am not sure when we will turn it off...probably not for a long time.

 

I recorded his message using Audacity, a sound recording free software, just in case something goes wrong and the recording gets lost. Saved and resaved his message on CDs, computer hard drives...

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 7, 2015 at 12:19pm

Thanks Connie for the kind wishes...

I have only been to the accident site twice, so hard...so very hard...

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