"I do agree, Trials do not come from God. That does not mean we won't have trials.
I agree with James 1:13 and 1corinthians :10:13
Jesus helps me adjust my views. As most of us know, when I am weak, then He is strong (2corinthians…"
"Well-meaning people may say, “Jesus took your loved one away,” but that can cause people – especially children – to be angry at God. 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death is our last enemy. Therefore, we can say, “Death took…"
"Just a few thoughts regarding faith; Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
That doesn't mean that we…"
"Kim, I can see why you miss him so much. He was a wonderful man who touched a lot of lives, that's how my husband, Joe, was. Everywhere he went he touched someone's life. He had a gift of encouragement, and made strangers feel like they…"
"I have been so lonely the past two days. Have no desire to do anything right now. Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son. Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
"I am reading everyone's thoughts today. I am feeling lonely today. Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people. I miss having Joe here to…"
"Kim, I am sorry for your lisd.
take time as much for yourself as you need...if possible take time off of work so you can think. Maybe a close friend could help you do what you need to do. You are right, your…"
"Kim and bluebird,
It's good to hear that you both recognize that grief is exhausting. I talk to my husband all of the time too. I even keep his pillow next to me in bed. Even when my family is here (often).…"
I know that your Shirl is still in your heart. Whatever you do, remember that God is in charge.....He doesn't want you to go through anything you can't handle.....He will get you through this....all we can…"
"Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband was very young. You are right in saying that every day is a challenge. I was used to facing challenges together with joe, but I have to face them alone now. …"
"Maxey, you are so right about other people. I don't think we will ever get over the death of our spouse,....sad to say, but true. After 41 years of marriage, it will take me that long to get over it! All I can do with other…"
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have…"
"I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the…"
Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age.
My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me…"
"I’m so sorry Ashley, your situation sounds truly horrendous, life seems so unfair. My husband died from suicide on 29/30 September; I have the uncertainty because he disappeared for a night and wasn’t found until the next day, so…"
I’ve not been on here for a while, it’s been so hard just trying to get through the days; keeping myself busy, trying desperately hard not to think about things and often failing miserably. I’m so tired of feeling so shitty all the time. I had my first session with a counsellor today, after feeling initially nervous and not wanting to say much everything came out and I cried like a baby. I feel absolutely drained now and very emotional. So my question is this, does counselling really help or…See More
""All I want, like most of the rest of you, is to reunite with my husband. I want to know he is ok. I want to hold him again. I want his love. The sooner the better." Morgan's words, simple yet so profound,…"
"Bluebird, I find myself wanting to kick over tables or throw something hard at times and yet my old catholic upbringing kicks in and disallows me to act out but I get the same feelings. In the beginning I used to kick a cardboard box a…"
"I really don't know what to say Ashley. I'm so sorry. There is some kind of weirdness in this universe that seems to have its way with us when we are not at all prepared for how to handle it. Death by any means is hard to…"
My daddy was a us navy veteran who brutually killed himself on September 27, 2017 at the age of 51.My Daddy had become really emotionally sick in recent years. He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Which of course he didn't believe because he thought that was the Va trying to control him. He became really hard to be around as he has these crazy conspiracy theories and he heard and saw things that didn't exist that proved to him he was right. Then he started believing people were out to…See More
"And along with being incredibly sad all the time, I am also very angry, all the time. Right now I want to jump out of my fucking skin, I want to punch everything, I want to yell and scream. I can't even contain this level of anger;…"
As bad as I feel now, I do not look forward to the holidays as this will be the first holiday season without my beloved wife. We also met on a New Year's Eve and I am really dreading that day. I can't see myself lasting years on…"
"Same here; I feel just like morgan and everyone else. My husband died five years ago, and my "life" is no better -- in many ways, it is worse, both as a result of his death and due to other factors. For me, the pain of his death, of…"
I lost my mum in September. She was subject to elderly abuse by my older sister. I dont know where to start from. The anger and rage I have for my elder sister, its not funny. I try to get the vision out of my head, and how she treated my mother. The pain is excruciating that i feel, I need to join my mother. I spent a week in the crises centre. I hope this grief and anger passes.Question: how do I accept or come to terms with the matter.I do have evidence supported by my other siblings. The…See More
I began writing one of these each day, beginning December 2015 to ease my grief and start each day with some hope and joy. The hope and joy would last for awhile and then I would be back in the throes of deep, dark misery. I recommend these emails that are never sent as excellent therapy. I have written 602 of them in the 2 and a half years since I lost my Nancy. Here is today's letter to Nancy. Letter to My Nancy 602 Sun., Oct 15th, 2017 without youGood Sun afternoon my other half. My…See More