Elynn m
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  • United States
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Latest Activity

Elynn m replied to Valentina Jolley's discussion Widow and childless in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Valentina,  so sorry to hear of your sudden loss.   I think you will find this site helpful.   I have been helped by the wisdom of many people on this site."
Mar 13
Richard Rivera and Elynn m are now friends
Mar 8
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,  it's good to hear that some progress was made.   I agree with the others.  Take care of yourself, because  you are  important.  Thank you for openly sharing with us.  (I find myself calling out for…"
Mar 7
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just found an article on BillyGrahan.irg.   there is section on his site that talks about what happens after death if anyone is interested.   I like the way he explains life after death"
Feb 28
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard, I am putting you on my prayer list.   God  still works miracles today.   I don't know if you are in california, but I do know that (here)  , they are not allowed to refuse to provide medical care (at emergency…"
Feb 14
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,    I am sorry for your recent loss.      My husband also refused to go to the hospital until i called 911.   ...don't feel guilty. This might not sound very comfirting, but someone told me a few months…"
Feb 14
Elynn m replied to Angela's discussion Does it help to move? in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Angela (need to retype this because my computer won't let me find the comment i started.)  Anyway, Angela.   They say to wait one year before making any big decisions.  It has been one year and 4 months since Joe went to be with…"
Jan 15
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Sometimes God takes our loved ones away, to heal them.   Angela, I can't imagine losing two of the people I love within such a short time.   God must know that you are a very strong person .   I lost both my son and husband,…"
Jan 15
Elynn m replied to Maxey's discussion Silence in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Maxy,   I have to have some sort of background noise.   It is usually music or the tv.  (Have been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately.)  Gospel music calms me down.  Sometime I have to take a melatonin or Camomile tea…"
Jan 2
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michael, you are probably right about your stats.  I'm sure that all of us are different.   But you (and the rest of us) know ourselves,  more than anyone else can.   You brought up some good points to comtemplate.…"
Jan 1
Elynn m replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Another Lonely New Year's Eve. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes linda, I spent new years eve with my dog.   My husband and I usually stayed home for new tears.   That's right...no one to kiss at midnight! .... talked to a few friends today (new year's )....then I watched the Packers game!…"
Jan 1
Elynn m replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Can't handle the Holidays in the group Lost My Spouse...
"This is my second christmas without my husband.   Yes  it is very hard.   The medications do not work.   I find that camomile tea calms me down.  I also use melatonin at night. My family (mostly my sister-in law-) is open to…"
Dec 29, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Pamela,    I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings.   What I said was just meant to be a comment, not a judgement.   I guess I should watch how I speak.   My comment was for myself too. I always have to remind myself that…"
Dec 26, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Pamela,     It's good that your family is coming over.  You should not be alone for Christmas.    I know how you feel about the fake smiles as if everything is ok,  just try to open up to them, and express those…"
Dec 22, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michael, if I see anything, I will message you"
Dec 9, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michael,      I'm not sure about specific natural medication for depression.  I only use the melatonin because I was having trouble sleeping.   Check with a natural food store near you.  You can Google…"
Dec 9, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Tanya, I just read your post from yesterday. You are SO right!! I have some clothing of my mom's tucked away that I am keeping. One piece is a shirt she used to wear in the 60's that I remember so clearly from when I was a little girl. I…"
3 hours ago
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm so sorry, Theresa. It's too bad the lot of us don't live nearer together so we could meet and support one another. One thing I've learned through this is that there are people in our lives who can be thoughtless and…"
3 hours ago
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I can relate so well to this. I can't tell you how many times I have said and felt these exact same things. I'd see a recipe that looked good and start to call my mom to tell her about it, I'd create a piece of art but she…"
4 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I went out shopping with a friend today. When I saw a pretty wind chime, I found myself thinking "Mom would like that". But there is no more Mom to get presents for. I miss her. I want her back. I wish this was all a very long, horrible…"
5 hours ago
catherine bailey commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"It really helps to communicate with others who have experienced the same loss, so thanks to all who answered my post.  Lenny, Connie and Kim - we all understand each other.  Today was a better day for me - some days are like that.…"
9 hours ago
Lenny commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Dear Connie, Katherine and Kim I fully understand the bereft feelings and I also have been anxious about precious moments of our daughters and where they will end up when we pass. The pain of losing our only child never ends , even when we appear to…"
12 hours ago
Connie K commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Dear Catherine I feel the very same way. I have everything form my son's baby things, through elementary and high school. He died at age 17 and never got to even graduate, drive a car by himself, well you know....I have things of mine I wanted…"
14 hours ago
cin po commented on Valentina Jolley's blog post Letter to you; my other half in heaven
"I too have regrets and your post deeply resonated with me. I wish I spent more time with him. I wished I laughed more with him. I wish I talked to him more. It's too late now.  I will never be the same. I am trying to help myself in little…"
17 hours ago
cin po left a comment for Fran
"Hi Fran, I am forced to do all of these things as quick as I can because I have to go back to work soon. I am trying to finish all of the paperwork. I was forced to do things quickly even though I am so emotionally distraught. My world stopped when…"
18 hours ago
cin po commented on cin po's blog post Talking to people about my loss & grief helps me
"Hi Jewels, I am so sad that your husband died a sudden death. My partner and I had a conversation about what's the worst thing that could happen to him. We talked about it for hours and we cried a lot that night. In a way we were saying…"
18 hours ago
kim commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Catherine, I to lost my only child my son in 2014. im not doing good, I pray to die everyday. theres no life with out my son for me.  shawn is the love of my life.  my depression is getting worse, my loneliness emptiness.  im so very…"
19 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Heather, yes I do, I have no one, my husband doesn't even want to hear me talk about it, he ignores me when I do I have not had a dream about her yet To me it seems like everyone thinks I should just move on, but I'm not ready, I have…"
20 hours ago
Heather commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I do the same thing, at least several times a day. My Mom was a diabetic so I had to take the used testing strips back to the pharmacy the other day. I actually sat In the car hugging it, something of hers that I have to let go of and it made me so…"
yesterday
Jewels updated their profile
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just had to say when I get in bed at night I have such a hard time - I cry mostly every night and I remember that every night when i used to talk to my mom on the phone when we were hanging up she would say love you...And I think to myself who…"
yesterday
Jewels and JESSICA are now friends
yesterday
JESSICA posted photos
yesterday
JESSICA left a comment for JESSICA
"Thank both of u you made. My day a lot better knowing ur concern is comforting."
yesterday
JESSICA left a comment for Jewels
"So very sorry for your loss. Please accept my friendship I will be here for u to listen if not anything else."
yesterday
catherine bailey commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"I lost my only son, aged 28, in November 2014.  On the surface I am doing well, and I am functioning on a day to day basis just fine.  But every day it replays in my mind how the police came to my door to say Scott had 'passed…"
yesterday

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