I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately. Old friends are busy with their lives. Even my children are busy. My daughter lives 45 minutes away. She is busy with her new house. …Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Virginia G Oct 8, 2018.
"I am new here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
" I have to agree that it seems pretty empty at times after a loss. The world moves on while we're stuck in the middle of of something we can't quite understand. They're still there I think but not as engaged as we'd like…"
"I will include you in my prayers Elynn. Real friends are rare in all of our lives. Most are just acquaintances. We lost the ONE real best friend we will ever have. I think we, who lost that ONE will forever be lonely till we…"
"all i no u soon lern ab
all i no all i no is u soon leann abot famlyy frinds it tims u need thm u do u do
frindss u thrtt wz frindss cross st to avoidd u
famllyy ingnorin u lk u hav a deddlyy deaseiss
not so long go i spook to sum…"
"Have been reading comments from the past few days. Yes, grief is lonely. I'm so thankful for this group. Like Joe says, it's really difficult not having our better half here physically, just to appreciate…"
Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like you I feel that I didn’t say and show it enough when I had the chance. At the same time, I think that feeling like this doesn’t mean that we weren’t loving and appreciative, it’s more that when it comes to expressing your love and admiration, it is never enough. Having these feelings of regret may even be a sign of how much you loved and valued the person you have lost ... and I think when you truly love someone, that person does know it and benefits from your lovr, however it is expressed.
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue. Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves. In reality, most of my underlying…"
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"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words. Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
"Hello M Adams
Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
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Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
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