I know that your Shirl is still in your heart. Whatever you do, remember that God is in charge.....He doesn't want you to go through anything you can't handle.....He will get you through this....all we can…"
"Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband was very young. You are right in saying that every day is a challenge. I was used to facing challenges together with joe, but I have to face them alone now. …"
"Maxey, you are so right about other people. I don't think we will ever get over the death of our spouse,....sad to say, but true. After 41 years of marriage, it will take me that long to get over it! All I can do with other…"
When I read that you have survived two years and still yearn for your husband, I wonder how I will ever make it since it has only been 18 months for me, and I am in such bad shape. If only we could be given a timetable on how much longer this…"
Haven't been here for awhile. September will be 2 years since I lost Joe. The grief continues. I still sign both of our names on birthday cards and Christmas cards. Not ready to let him go yet. Only one of his best friends continues to call. Upsets me a little, but I have been guilty of the same. When I call other friends(close friends of both of us), I usually hear, "I didnt know what to say to you!"........... Try 'how are you' is what I think, but don't say!I'm thankful…See More
"Richard, it's good to hear that some progress was made. I agree with the others. Take care of yourself, because you are important. Thank you for openly sharing with us. (I find myself calling out for…"
"Richard. Yes, I can offer my opinion. there is definately something beyond this life. We are only here for a short time. As I get older I see why God says in his word (the bible) that "..life is like a vapor",…"
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Yes, grief is unbelievably exhausting. I am simultaneously always tired, and unable to sleep without pills. When I have stuff I have to do, like doing the laundry or grocery shopping, it takes me hours to work up to doing it. I can manage…"
"Melissa, I remember the early days. I remember wondering about bills and what was I going to do and how was I going to do it because all I wanted to do was lay in the fetal position on my bed and cry and yet I had to go to work and on and on…"
During the tragic loss of a loved one or having gone through several tragedies , be it death of a loved one, divorce , personal health issues, or getting older , ect. Sometimes the stress and depression compounded by grief can be debilitating and it may have us feel as if we are mourning our own deaths while we are grieving the loss of our loved ones , We feel as if our own lives are over , Being in this mode can make recovery a longer more confusing process for some. It can be uncomfortable to…See More
"Can some please tell me, is grief truly exhausting. It seems like I can barely stay awake when I get home. I get up at 4:45 in the morning and at work by 5:45. I usually leave around 2:45, hoping to have some energy to do things at…"
"Jules I understand some of what you're going through. Yesterday would have been our 14th wedding anniversary. Instead, it was a day of pure misery. It's only been six weeks since my 47-year-old husband passed away from…"
"Its a long time to have your brain wired to someone else's. I find I am still struggling pretty much daily, sometimes moe severe than others. Right now I am going through having to pack up and move from one place I lived to another…"
"Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death. He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday. No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.…"
"Adria, I lost my husband over four years ago and I am not inspired. I am just going through the necessary motions. People want me to feel or they encourage me that I hopefully will find something that will bring back my spark. Its…"
"Be there. Let her call and cry to you. Dont offer advice. Tell her how sorry you are this is happening to her but you will be there for her whenever or for whatever she wants or needs and do that. Let her exhaust her…"
"June 23/17 - Dear heart, I cannot imagine the pain you are in with all that loss and horror. I hope I can communicate with you in the future, I am also grieving many losses. I am an Ordained Minister and I believe in the power of prayer…"
I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
I am very sorry for your loss.
I believe that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones. Until then I rely on that belief to keep me looking forward and hopeful. This certainly doesn't take our pain away, but it does keep us focused…"
"It's been a month since I buried mama. The world seems surreal to me now that she's gone. I love her so much. I refuse to use the past tense because to me love never dies.
I know grief is a process, but one I'd rather not have to…"