Does anyone else feel abandoned by friends?  

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yes/no

on/off

i do

evn had frinds cross st in 2012 not speak  2me in 2012 

i thrt i did thngs wong i still do

 on off

its frinds it do not get loss coz thy not had loss

do not get it

if its frinds its had a loss

it go way wen u need themm im stuckk coz i do not no to say

all i ni i no in 2012 i soon lenr  abot frinds evn famly whoo real 1s  wz i did 

sorryy if imsayin wong thngs 

or spelin got not mushh fealin in fingrs co of a/t in fingrss

r/ta/ in fingrs 

u need  fridss it get u it tim lk now u do 

sorry i do not no u 

all i no i wud not treet pepele way pelel tret me wen died thy way did me thn multi loss on stopp puss lot of othr probs 2 

pluss i wud not domit it 2 u i wud not  2 no 1 i wud not 

sorry on yore loss 2 

Elynn, I feel abandoned by everything and everybody. Period. Even with the people who try to console me. Its just not enough.   I cant seem to feel that this life is worth living for any length of time.    I go in and out of feeling abandonment but mainly I am tired of fighting to try and live with the pain.  I keep hitting rough patches and I am in another one again after having a few weeks where I might have meltdowns but not the complete and total feeling of being without him.  I was driving down the highway this afternoon and I looked over at a car next to me and there was a man sitting there and thats all its took for me to think that i will never see my husband again.  Never.  He's dead.  I will never ever see him again.  Never touch him or talk with him.  He's gone, forever.  It's too much to handle.

 I just don't want to keep trying to live.  I think I am turning a corner.  I think I am going to start planning to die.  I know I have a few things I have to do even if I was still trying to live (they are sort of the same) but I cant keep suffering his loss and feel its what I have to do.  I don't have to keep trying to live around the loss.  I can plan how I might be able to die quietly and peacefully.  I have begun to think it is not such a horrible thing to leave this miserable world behind.  I hate whats happening in the government, I hate having to keep trying to make enough money to pay bills, I don't have any real love even from the people who claim they love me.  Its not the kind of "love" I understand as real.  They care but its not love.

I just don't want to continue to think I am looking at years of living without him.  He's gone.  Why do I have to pretend that this life is somehow worth maintaining without him?  I am even saddened that I still come here and have to say how hard this life without my husband is.  I am beginning to wonder why this just continues.  Why must I feel like I am struggling most of the time and then have to pretend to others that I am not?  I'm tired of the pretense.   I just don't see any purpose in continuing to suffer living without him.  Its not pessimism, its minimizing further injury.  The realization that this is it.........its time to really talk about the worth of keeping going.  What would I really be giving up?

You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. 

all i  no u soon lern ab

all i no all i no is u soon leann abot famlyy frinds it tims u need thm u do u do

frindss u thrtt wz frindss  cross st to avoidd u

famllyy ingnorin u lk u hav a deddlyy deaseiss

thy do

not so long go i spook to sum 1 elsess  she had simlerr probss 2 famlyy turnin agasint her en frindss 

 I have to agree that it seems pretty empty at times after a loss. The world moves on while we're stuck in the middle of of something we can't quite understand. They're still there I think but not as engaged as we'd like them to be for a variety of reasons.

Some find another's grieving hard to see while others simply don't understand because they've never had to grieve themselves as well as a thousand other reasons. The thing I always try to remember is that our grieving lives inside of us. It can't be seen by others even though it's everything that we see. In time as we heal, we'll begin to see those people as we always did, I think.

I wish you peace

Chuck

I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the pain is unbearable staring at the empty space. And it doesn't get better for me. Currently the only friend I trust is vodka and lots of it. I hope you find peace and some relief, and I will be a friend as best I can here. 

so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss 

u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm 

Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. 

thnx 

i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me 

You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this.

thnx..............

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yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
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New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
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