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Comment by Katherine Ellis on September 9, 2009 at 11:15pm

September 10th, my birthday. I should be thinking of celebrating it with my family. But all I can think about is not having our daughter Irene here with us. I never worried about getting old when Irene was alive. I knew she would take care of us in our old age. But now........ I'm thinking it will be just another year gone, when I can see her again.

Comment by Gail Richardson on September 9, 2009 at 5:37pm

Don't tell me that you understand,
Don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.

Don't stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie.
Don't tell me how to suffer,
Don't tell me how to cry.

Don't tell me this is just a test,
That I am only blessed,
That I am chosen for this task
Apart from all the rest.

My life is filled with selfishness,
My pain is all I see,
But I need you, I need your love,
Unconditionally.

Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me.
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, "My Friend, I care".
Author Unkown

Comment by Gail Richardson on September 9, 2009 at 5:33pm

One of the most important things I have found as a Bereaved parent is that people do not forget. To one extent I am really lucky to have friends around me who remember and share with me those special moments. My family don't speak of her unless they are really pushed into a corner and HAVE to but you can see how uncomfortable they are - so I stick with my friends. The trouble is for a lot of us that we are surrounded by people who feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. One of the most painful things I found was those that actually turn away from you when you tell them your daughter died. I can understand that they can't contain their feelings but to be honest I would rather see their pain and know they care. Thats why groups like this one are so important - here we can share sad times and happy times alike - because we all understand how important those happy memories are. They are what will keep us going, day after day, year after year. They are all we have and should be celebrated not ignored.
Hugs to all xx

Comment by Ann Edmondson on September 7, 2009 at 10:06am

That is a cute story. Truely out of the mouths of babes!!

Comment by Laura Villarreal on September 7, 2009 at 6:39am

Ann, thank you for asking...one of my favorites goes back to when she was about 3 years old:

My dad, Angela's grandpa, was taking a business trip to Miami. As we were standing outside the car to take him to the airport he was holding Angela telling her he was going to Miami but would be back soon. My brother tells him to have a safe trip to Miami and my daughter proceeds to smack my brother on the shoulder. He asks her, "what was that for"? and she replies..."it is not your AMI it is grandpa's AMI"!! (her 3 year old brain heard "MY-AMI) Out of the mouth of babes!

Comment by Ann Edmondson on September 6, 2009 at 10:50pm

Laura~Would you mind sharing one of your favorite stories with us here?

Comment by Laura Villarreal on September 6, 2009 at 6:48pm

Thank you, Ann.
My family just does not know what to say to me anymore about my daughter. I would love to hear "do you remember when....".

Comment by Ann Edmondson on September 6, 2009 at 4:37pm

Laura and Jan ~ my heart goes out to both of you. The pain can never be described and only understood by someone who had been there. I will add you both to my prayers that God wil send his mercy and help you during the hard times. For me the hardest thing is when friends or family want to quit talking about my son. While our children may not be with us on this earth, they are still a very large part of our lives. Talking about the good times helps me cope with him being gone.

Any way welcome to our little group. Come and post your questions anytime. I am sending you both large amounts of cyber hugs {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Comment by Laura Villarreal on September 5, 2009 at 6:11pm

Hey Jan,

Thank you for your condolences...
The hardest thing for me is the confusion within. "She can't be gone", "She is gone", "No, it can't be"...
We were so close even though she lived in Alaska with her husband (she was born and raised in Texas where I still live). We talked everyday, several times a day. They had no children. I raised her as a single parent so we had many trials and tribulations through the years but we loved each other so much and were not afraid to say it each time we hung up the phone. She was the perfect daughter and now she is my perfect Angel.
One day we can share our collection of stupid comments-I know people mean well but the comments which makes me want to slap someone is when they say "I know it must be hard" or "I know how you feel...yet they have not experienced the loss of a child". Hard?? I have found no words to describe the gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and devastating pain we feel. I wish they would just say "my thoughts and prayers are with you".


Thank you for listening. I would love to hear about your daughter if you would like to share a bit.

Laura

Comment by Stephanie on September 5, 2009 at 5:49pm

hi laura, so nice to hear from you. im so very sorry for your loss. as far as the stupid things people say, i even started writing a brief BOOK on "Things people say"! some - the stupidist things imaginable. but i really feel this is the best kind of place we can talk, and yes, learn how each other deals with our pain. hope to talk a lot. wishing you strength. love jan

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