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Comment by kim on October 6, 2014 at 12:21pm

dawn,  im so very sorry, I just don't know what to say except,  I know your pain your broken heart. I hope you are safe, please take care  hugs and love   kim

Comment by kim on October 6, 2014 at 12:18pm

Adrianne, yes I to am numb. I have lost all feelings for anyone. the pain is to great . my heart is to broken. I miss my son so much I just want so bad to be with him.  hugs to you  

Comment by Dawn on October 6, 2014 at 11:48am

Today is 2 months since my son's brutal murder, I still cry everyday.

I feel like a prisoner ... how can the police and children's service warn you that you are in possible danger and then just not tell you anything?

How do I grieve while living in fear

Comment by Ammy on October 6, 2014 at 11:02am

Yes, Adrianne, I have periods of time that I am completely void and it does scare me because I absolutely have no feelings.  I can accept it easier now because I know it eventually passes, but it's an awful feeling for me to not even feel my love for my family.  During these times my faith is all that keeps me going.
I am glad to see you post.  I was thinking of you.

May today be kind to everyone here.  You are all in my heart.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 6, 2014 at 1:51am

I have become almost numb. My mind seems to be preventing me from feeling. Has anyone experienced this?

Comment by Ammy on October 5, 2014 at 11:49am

Connie, I almost forgot to tell you that I hope you can revisit your dream.  I pray all the time for a dream, but I haven't had one for about 2 years, and the ones I did have were not really happy dreams but it felt so great to feel like I was with him again.  Wish we could all visit our children in pleasant dreams.

Comment by Ammy on October 5, 2014 at 11:44am

Always thinking of you all as I come here almost every day and read the posts.  I wish I had words of wisdom to speak to you but there is no specific thing that can help anyone.  We all keep going and gradually adapt by finding our own way through this journey.  As time moves along we do find some smoother roads but the potholes and roadblocks show up over and over.  I want to encourage you even though you can't see past today that it will happen eventually.  And you shouldn't try to rush yourself.  Focus on getting through today.  

We all seem to understand what each one is going through as we all seem to experience the same effects of grief at times and yet each is an individual journey.

Kim, I can only send you love, prayers and understanding.  I remember well marking off those first months.  I don't count months anymore, but I still count the weeks.  I don't know why, but like I said, we do what we need to do.

Teresa, I am encouraged by your courage even though there is nothing I can do to honor my son except to try and keep the memories alive.  Others have all moved on and are very quiet when it comes to talking about him.  Some times it makes me angry, but I understand that their love for him could never be the same as mine.  It's natural that they move on.

I send my prayers and wishes for gentler days.

Comment by kim on October 5, 2014 at 11:16am

thank you connie, I pray you get that dream back  hugs  kim

Comment by Connie K on October 5, 2014 at 11:04am

Kim - I'll be keeping you and Shawn in my heart and sending prayers and love to help you get through this day. I had a dream last night  my son was in it but I can't remember the details. I want to go back to sleep and be in that dream again....

Comment by kim on October 5, 2014 at 10:57am

today is 11 months since my son  SHAWN went away, it hurts so bad, 11 months of hell and it feels like yesterday. I went to see him this morning like I do everyday. I cryed so hard, I feel its all my fault he went away, the pain is so unreal, I just keep telling him im so very sorry I did this to you. never ever did I think I would lose the love of my life ever.  this never should have happened, it should have been me. I tell my self everyday hes still here, shawn would never leave me, I know this. I feel like im slowly dieing, my heart hurts so much, even to breathe hurts. its so hard to remember the good times, just that last day over and over  till I want to scream, I cant sleep, I cry all the time, everyone seems  to have moved on and I so want to kill them for that. life  does  NOT go on for me. shawn I need you so bad and I love you more then life please don't leave me baby  please.  if theres a god please take me to my son, I beg you.   forever my love   mom

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