Christine Leakey
  • Female
  • Reisterstown, MD
  • United States
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Feeling guilty
2 Replies

I've been feeling guilty for going back to work and moving on with my life after my sister's death. I know that I need to but it's just doesn't feel right. Like I'm somehow going to forget her or…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dolly Jun 11, 2013.

Dealing with a difficult family member in the face of tragedy.
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I have three two sisters. An older sister and a younger one. Since my younger sister, Becky, was murdered I've become the middle child. Although, I suppose I've just always been the older one..My…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Bob Fredrick Jan 31, 2013.

Feeling a disconnect with everything
10 Replies

I've been feeling disconnected lately. From my family, my friends, my work and especially my emotions. I think it may be a defense mechanism, an attempt to protect myself for further pain. I have a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Tahnee Attwood Jan 31, 2013.

Denial
2 Replies

Do you ever get passed the "I can't believe this" thoughts?I realize that it's only been a little over a month since the death of my sister but I feel like I'll never be able to accept this. It will…Continue

Tags: denial

Started this discussion. Last reply by Eliza Jan 26, 2013.

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Profile Information

About Me:
I'm a wife and mother of two sons. I live in Reisterstown, MD and work full time as an admitting specialist. I don't really have any hobbies because our schedules are full with work, school, cub scouts and the boys outings.
About my Loss:
On December 20, 2012 my younger sister was murdered by her boyfriend of 6 years. He stabbed her multiple times and then took his own life.

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Christine Leakey's Blog

Seeking help is hard to do

I had my first therapy session yesterday. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I thought I might get sick but this was long over due for me.

I was so beyond nervous that I had to call a good friend of mine. He has this amazing ability to 'talk me down' when I get worked up. He has been to a therapist of his own and he told me that the first session is usually the hardest because you're about to be brutally honest with a complete stranger but he reassured me that this is…

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Posted on June 27, 2013 at 7:46am

Hello, Anxiety

In two days my sister will have been gone from this world for 180 days. 6 months. Each hour we get closer to the 20th my anxiety builds. I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I have no appetite, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and I just want to disappear. People around me can feel the anxiety radiating off me. I know that Thursday will be just another day for so many people in the world but I desperately don't want Thursday to come. I know it will accomplish nothing and change…

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Posted on June 18, 2013 at 10:43am — 3 Comments

Falling apart

I'm just realizing how badly my sister's death has affected me. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and I can't stop myself.

I thought I was being really strong and doing a great job of holding myself together but I couldn't have been more wrong. There has been a perfect storm brewing inside me since I got that phone call and I'm only now seeing it.

I started smoking again (I had quit last April cold turkey and was doing so well), my drinking has increased a lot, I'm…

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Posted on May 23, 2013 at 1:22pm — 1 Comment

When dreams consume you..

So, I'm a big dreamer. I have dreams almost every night and up until my sister died, I always had pretty normal dreams. Right after my sister died I dreamed about her a lot. Some were good dreams, remembering things from when we were younger. Some were really bad dreams.

The one that I remember so vividly felt more like an 'out-of-body' experience than a dream.

I dreamt that I was in her apartment with her the night that her boyfriend killed her. She was holding my hand and…

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Posted on May 1, 2013 at 10:57am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 10:15am on August 8, 2013, MaLissa said…
I am very sorry for your loss. My sister was murdered Oct 6, 2011. I miss her every day. I fon't knoe how many timrs I've picked up phone to call her. If you ever need go talk please let me know. malbrant75@gmail.com
At 1:37am on February 2, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

Thank you Christine, I have a 4 month year old boy, cutest little thing. I am always so paranoid something will happen to him. Just goes to show, anything can happen. I always try to believe that God has a plan for us all.

At 7:34am on February 1, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

I am sorry to hear about your loss Christine, it is such a shame, if you need to talk I am always happy to listen.

At 8:36am on January 26, 2013, rivka finkelstein said…
Hi chtistine. I lost my sister over 15 yrs ago and it left a gaping hole in my life. Now years later i lost my 20 yr old son. Both of thrm were warm loving special people who knew how to relate to and take care of others. Its hard to go on but we have to. Some days are hard and other times its not so hard. I have tried hard to accept that these tragedies are part of living. Plus a little antidrpressant always helps too!!
At 9:06pm on January 25, 2013, Margarita said…

Hi Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even come up with the words to explain what I want to say.  It's just not fair, that's all.  As for your Denial post, in a few days, it will be 3 months since my mom passed and there are still days that I have to remind myself that my mom is not around.  It feels almost as if the last 4 months (including the month she was ill) was surreal, a blur.  So I just keep find more and more ways to avoid it, work more and keep busy.  I feel as if I will never be ok, I know I will never be ok, I will never be the same.

At 12:38am on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

I'm so sorry about your sister, please feel free to message me anytime.

 
 
 

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Jennifer left a comment for morgan
"Thanks Morgan for commenting on my profile page. Wow...What u described that u go through every day of every year is exactly how I feel. I lost my girlfriend/fiance of 5 years to suicide. I know without a doubt in my mind that she is my soul mate so…"
yesterday
morgan left a comment for Jennifer
"Jennifer,   If there was anything at all I could say, I would.  No one who hasn't lost the love of their life can understand the amount of pain that stays with us for a very long time.  I know at four years I was still banging…"
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maria left a comment for Michael
"sorry for your loss I lost my husband feb 2016 its been rough I was married 44yrs"
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Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
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M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Have heard the same thing about men and loneliness, based on the assumption that women usually have richer and more developed social networks, a wider range of relationships, etc.  Of course this isn’t true of all women, though it seems…"
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M Adams joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Thursday
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"In my opinion as a Widower by 4 and a half years, men find dealing with being alone and loneliness harder than woman, this is what widows I meet tell me. I strive on a daily basis to at least be less anxious, but I miss my right arm in my…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This past week we lost a young man of 24 with three children, If there is a God why would he take this young man instead of me who's life is over. I really question my faith."
Tuesday
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Our suffering is unbelievable and unbearable Dream Moon.  We just jave to believe that there is an afterlife where we will be reunited with those we love.  That's all I live for now.  To die to be with my Loving wife.  I…"
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Monday
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"wearss my mannerss gon joe sorry on yore loss 2"
Apr 14
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"i no so sad joe loss dear frinedd few days go way she sufferdd coz of illness wz cruell coz she wz a veryy sweet kind lady "
Apr 14
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Why I don't know, but everyone dies someday.  There is a lot of evil in our world who do terrible things.  I'm sorry for your loss.  I too suffer the loss of my wife and afraid my daughter will die soon from cancer. …"
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dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"stilllasky why  moree loss siness i postedd on hear"
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dream moon JO B commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"it can go on/off for yrs it can  do not t not let no 1 tell u way u shud feal or mkee u feal baf bad for grieff or los loss  lst 7 yrs iv go thruu a multii loss of pepplee  evn a cat i had for 16/17 yrss i loss 2  peplee say or…"
Apr 12
dream moon JO B posted a blog post

why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hearwhy duzegot let gooodd gud pepplee suffrwen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not i get mad wen i hear kids died peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy doSee More
Apr 12

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