Margarita
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Need Advise Please

My mother lived in Colombia and was supposed to come to visit this month because both my girls are going to be doing their first communion shortly.  (1st weekend of May) She was thrilled that the…Continue

Started Apr 21, 2013

Valentine's Day

Went to the store to get some Valentine's Day cards for my girls and hubby. Darn it I just stood there in front of the cards that are for mom and just cried, I swear people must have thought I was…Continue

Started Feb 10, 2013

frustration
12 Replies

I feel frustrated at my inability to be able to have an emotionally consistent day.  I don't know if that makes sense.  I can start off my day keeping busy (translation:  keeping my mind off of my…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Feb 6, 2013.

Losing it?
2 Replies

Not sure how to explain the feeling, I have to keep busy, I can't stop to think.  When I do stop, I am a mess.  I start to feel guilty because I keep hearing I can't keep getting like this, I have to…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Margarita Jan 30, 2013.

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About my Loss:
My mom Alicia,raised me on her own. At the end of Sept 2012 she wasn't feeling well and became jaundiced, and then was admitted to the hospital-in Colombia once I realized this was something big, I went against her wishes, and stayed with her. It took a while to find out. It turned out to be Cancer, Bile duct cancer, stage 4 and terminal. It moved so fast. Within a month not only was she physically deteriorated but the bile in her blood stream was affecting her mind. She did not want Chemo or radiation (which wasn't going to do anything for her anyway) but after a month in the hospital all she wanted to do was go home to her sisters house. On a Friday morning they called us to the hospital saying she may go into cardiac arrest and possibly a coma. We all went and surrounded her with love and prayers, but it wasn't her day. I told the dr. I wanted to take her home, and he said yes. I got her home, she was happy, she asked to eat, a shower and was happy to be in the bed that belonged to her mom. (her mom passed in that bed) The next morning, looking in her face, she wasn't there, looking in my mother's eyes, I couldn't see my mom. Between Saturday and Tuesday she spent the days pretty much out of it, with her eyes open staring up into the ceiling and just moaning and saying random things. Calling out to her mom or sister. On Tuesday, I walked to the church and asked the priest to come down and give her last rites, the church was 3 blocks away. He came and prayed with us and recognized her immediately. He prayed for us and asked us to talk to her because she just didn't want to let go. Once he left, I laid down next to her hugged her, kissed her, held her and told her that I loved her and the girls, her grandkids loved her, that we would be okay but that she needed to go. That she needed to hold her mom's hand and go with her. She stopped moaning for a moment and when I looked at her she had a tear running down her face. I continued telling her how much i loved her and the girls loved her but that she needed to go and then she opened her eyes really wide and she went. No gasp, nothing, she just went quietly. She died before the priest walked the 3 blocks to the church. {this is of course the very brief abridged version, so much more went on, amazing wonderful things} My heart is broken, it's as simple as that.

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At 2:29pm on January 25, 2013, Christine Leakey said…

Margarita, I'm terribly saddened by the story of how your mother passed. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm certain you have heard that countless times and this is just one more. I don't understand exactly what your pain feels like because I am fortunate enough to still have both of my parents but I'm certain I will be devastated when that inevitable time comes. I do know the unbearable pain of loss, though, and knowing how awful this is, I can certainly offer up my ear for you if you ever need to talk. I have only recently joined this group to seek help in dealing with the death of my sister and although my time here so far has been short, it has helped me tremendously. I hope it does the same for you. Please feel free to message me anytime. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

At 12:30pm on January 22, 2013, Emily said…

Hi! I'm sorry about your mom, feel free to send me a message anytime.

 
 
 

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Lauren A Fernandez is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
4 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Nancy, I am sure everyone in our group can relate."
6 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I relate to you all who have posted lately.  2 years for me.  2nd year was worse than the first as reality set in and shock lessened.  I am still in a trauma state of mind.  Forgetful, irritable, less patient.  I isolate…"
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Nothing feels real

My husband was brutly murdered 6 day ago and nothing feels real to me I'm still waiting to wake up or him to call me the pain is unbearable I don't know if I can go on anymore
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Deanna N Nash commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Robin, thank you.  Bluebird was the honesty that i discovered on this site that made it possible for me to express what I go through.  Several others who write let me know too.  I tend to reach out here, particularly when I am…"
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Robin commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan - I lost my husband John, 9 years ago, when he was 46.  I come to this website every now & then, but have only commented a few times.  I relate most to you and Bluebird.  I can't believe it's been 9 years, and…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Missing my true love

My partner died 14 weeks ago and I am struggling big time without her, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left,
Friday
Sharon batten left a comment for Sharon batten
"I hate my life without her now I miss her so much, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left"
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Kathleen Jordan commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"Even though dream moon can't do grammar, I agree. It doesn't stop...it will hit at moments out of the clear blue....4 years, 9 years or 20.  It is a loss, and it's real."
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I do not know how to live this life without my mother either, but if there is one thing that I have learned, it's that I have no choice. Life comes for you regardless of whether or not we want to be a part of it."
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Kathleen Jordan commented on Kathleen Jordan's group What's Next?
"I have been a member of this site for a few years now, and one of the most depressing things I see is people that are lost in the loss. I have many friends IRL that I thought I understood; now I actually do. Folks that still are single after 20…"
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