Christine Leakey
  • Female
  • Reisterstown, MD
  • United States
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Feeling guilty
2 Replies

I've been feeling guilty for going back to work and moving on with my life after my sister's death. I know that I need to but it's just doesn't feel right. Like I'm somehow going to forget her or…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dolly Jun 11, 2013.

Dealing with a difficult family member in the face of tragedy.
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I have three two sisters. An older sister and a younger one. Since my younger sister, Becky, was murdered I've become the middle child. Although, I suppose I've just always been the older one..My…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Bob Fredrick Jan 31, 2013.

Feeling a disconnect with everything
10 Replies

I've been feeling disconnected lately. From my family, my friends, my work and especially my emotions. I think it may be a defense mechanism, an attempt to protect myself for further pain. I have a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Tahnee Attwood Jan 31, 2013.

Denial
2 Replies

Do you ever get passed the "I can't believe this" thoughts?I realize that it's only been a little over a month since the death of my sister but I feel like I'll never be able to accept this. It will…Continue

Tags: denial

Started this discussion. Last reply by Eliza Jan 26, 2013.

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Profile Information

About Me:
I'm a wife and mother of two sons. I live in Reisterstown, MD and work full time as an admitting specialist. I don't really have any hobbies because our schedules are full with work, school, cub scouts and the boys outings.
About my Loss:
On December 20, 2012 my younger sister was murdered by her boyfriend of 6 years. He stabbed her multiple times and then took his own life.

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Christine Leakey's Blog

Seeking help is hard to do

I had my first therapy session yesterday. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I thought I might get sick but this was long over due for me.

I was so beyond nervous that I had to call a good friend of mine. He has this amazing ability to 'talk me down' when I get worked up. He has been to a therapist of his own and he told me that the first session is usually the hardest because you're about to be brutally honest with a complete stranger but he reassured me that this is…

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Posted on June 27, 2013 at 7:46am

Hello, Anxiety

In two days my sister will have been gone from this world for 180 days. 6 months. Each hour we get closer to the 20th my anxiety builds. I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I have no appetite, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and I just want to disappear. People around me can feel the anxiety radiating off me. I know that Thursday will be just another day for so many people in the world but I desperately don't want Thursday to come. I know it will accomplish nothing and change…

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Posted on June 18, 2013 at 10:43am — 3 Comments

Falling apart

I'm just realizing how badly my sister's death has affected me. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and I can't stop myself.

I thought I was being really strong and doing a great job of holding myself together but I couldn't have been more wrong. There has been a perfect storm brewing inside me since I got that phone call and I'm only now seeing it.

I started smoking again (I had quit last April cold turkey and was doing so well), my drinking has increased a lot, I'm…

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Posted on May 23, 2013 at 1:22pm — 1 Comment

When dreams consume you..

So, I'm a big dreamer. I have dreams almost every night and up until my sister died, I always had pretty normal dreams. Right after my sister died I dreamed about her a lot. Some were good dreams, remembering things from when we were younger. Some were really bad dreams.

The one that I remember so vividly felt more like an 'out-of-body' experience than a dream.

I dreamt that I was in her apartment with her the night that her boyfriend killed her. She was holding my hand and…

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Posted on May 1, 2013 at 10:57am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 10:15am on August 8, 2013, MaLissa said…
I am very sorry for your loss. My sister was murdered Oct 6, 2011. I miss her every day. I fon't knoe how many timrs I've picked up phone to call her. If you ever need go talk please let me know. malbrant75@gmail.com
At 1:37am on February 2, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

Thank you Christine, I have a 4 month year old boy, cutest little thing. I am always so paranoid something will happen to him. Just goes to show, anything can happen. I always try to believe that God has a plan for us all.

At 7:34am on February 1, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

I am sorry to hear about your loss Christine, it is such a shame, if you need to talk I am always happy to listen.

At 8:36am on January 26, 2013, rivka finkelstein said…
Hi chtistine. I lost my sister over 15 yrs ago and it left a gaping hole in my life. Now years later i lost my 20 yr old son. Both of thrm were warm loving special people who knew how to relate to and take care of others. Its hard to go on but we have to. Some days are hard and other times its not so hard. I have tried hard to accept that these tragedies are part of living. Plus a little antidrpressant always helps too!!
At 9:06pm on January 25, 2013, Margarita said…

Hi Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even come up with the words to explain what I want to say.  It's just not fair, that's all.  As for your Denial post, in a few days, it will be 3 months since my mom passed and there are still days that I have to remind myself that my mom is not around.  It feels almost as if the last 4 months (including the month she was ill) was surreal, a blur.  So I just keep find more and more ways to avoid it, work more and keep busy.  I feel as if I will never be ok, I know I will never be ok, I will never be the same.

At 12:38am on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

I'm so sorry about your sister, please feel free to message me anytime.

 
 
 

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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
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Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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