Christine Leakey
  • Female
  • Reisterstown, MD
  • United States
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Feeling guilty
2 Replies

I've been feeling guilty for going back to work and moving on with my life after my sister's death. I know that I need to but it's just doesn't feel right. Like I'm somehow going to forget her or…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dolly Jun 11, 2013.

Dealing with a difficult family member in the face of tragedy.
2 Replies

I have three two sisters. An older sister and a younger one. Since my younger sister, Becky, was murdered I've become the middle child. Although, I suppose I've just always been the older one..My…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Bob Fredrick Jan 31, 2013.

Feeling a disconnect with everything
10 Replies

I've been feeling disconnected lately. From my family, my friends, my work and especially my emotions. I think it may be a defense mechanism, an attempt to protect myself for further pain. I have a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Tahnee Attwood Jan 31, 2013.

Denial
2 Replies

Do you ever get passed the "I can't believe this" thoughts?I realize that it's only been a little over a month since the death of my sister but I feel like I'll never be able to accept this. It will…Continue

Tags: denial

Started this discussion. Last reply by Eliza Jan 26, 2013.

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Profile Information

About Me:
I'm a wife and mother of two sons. I live in Reisterstown, MD and work full time as an admitting specialist. I don't really have any hobbies because our schedules are full with work, school, cub scouts and the boys outings.
About my Loss:
On December 20, 2012 my younger sister was murdered by her boyfriend of 6 years. He stabbed her multiple times and then took his own life.

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Christine Leakey's Blog

Seeking help is hard to do

I had my first therapy session yesterday. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I thought I might get sick but this was long over due for me.

I was so beyond nervous that I had to call a good friend of mine. He has this amazing ability to 'talk me down' when I get worked up. He has been to a therapist of his own and he told me that the first session is usually the hardest because you're about to be brutally honest with a complete stranger but he reassured me that this is…

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Posted on June 27, 2013 at 7:46am

Hello, Anxiety

In two days my sister will have been gone from this world for 180 days. 6 months. Each hour we get closer to the 20th my anxiety builds. I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I have no appetite, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and I just want to disappear. People around me can feel the anxiety radiating off me. I know that Thursday will be just another day for so many people in the world but I desperately don't want Thursday to come. I know it will accomplish nothing and change…

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Posted on June 18, 2013 at 10:43am — 3 Comments

Falling apart

I'm just realizing how badly my sister's death has affected me. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and I can't stop myself.

I thought I was being really strong and doing a great job of holding myself together but I couldn't have been more wrong. There has been a perfect storm brewing inside me since I got that phone call and I'm only now seeing it.

I started smoking again (I had quit last April cold turkey and was doing so well), my drinking has increased a lot, I'm…

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Posted on May 23, 2013 at 1:22pm — 1 Comment

When dreams consume you..

So, I'm a big dreamer. I have dreams almost every night and up until my sister died, I always had pretty normal dreams. Right after my sister died I dreamed about her a lot. Some were good dreams, remembering things from when we were younger. Some were really bad dreams.

The one that I remember so vividly felt more like an 'out-of-body' experience than a dream.

I dreamt that I was in her apartment with her the night that her boyfriend killed her. She was holding my hand and…

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Posted on May 1, 2013 at 10:57am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 10:15am on August 8, 2013, MaLissa said…
I am very sorry for your loss. My sister was murdered Oct 6, 2011. I miss her every day. I fon't knoe how many timrs I've picked up phone to call her. If you ever need go talk please let me know. malbrant75@gmail.com
At 1:37am on February 2, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

Thank you Christine, I have a 4 month year old boy, cutest little thing. I am always so paranoid something will happen to him. Just goes to show, anything can happen. I always try to believe that God has a plan for us all.

At 7:34am on February 1, 2013, Brandon Stanley said…

I am sorry to hear about your loss Christine, it is such a shame, if you need to talk I am always happy to listen.

At 8:36am on January 26, 2013, rivka finkelstein said…
Hi chtistine. I lost my sister over 15 yrs ago and it left a gaping hole in my life. Now years later i lost my 20 yr old son. Both of thrm were warm loving special people who knew how to relate to and take care of others. Its hard to go on but we have to. Some days are hard and other times its not so hard. I have tried hard to accept that these tragedies are part of living. Plus a little antidrpressant always helps too!!
At 9:06pm on January 25, 2013, Margarita said…

Hi Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even come up with the words to explain what I want to say.  It's just not fair, that's all.  As for your Denial post, in a few days, it will be 3 months since my mom passed and there are still days that I have to remind myself that my mom is not around.  It feels almost as if the last 4 months (including the month she was ill) was surreal, a blur.  So I just keep find more and more ways to avoid it, work more and keep busy.  I feel as if I will never be ok, I know I will never be ok, I will never be the same.

At 12:38am on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

I'm so sorry about your sister, please feel free to message me anytime.

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Shirelle posted a status
"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
yesterday
Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Tuesday
Sue M joined Kar's group
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Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Tuesday
Sue M updated their profile
Tuesday
Profile IconSue M and Christine joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Monday
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Jan 12
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Jan 12
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Jan 12
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
Jan 12
Serenity is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 12
Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
Jan 11
morgan left a comment for Rick Rilloraza
"Rick, I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years?  Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"
Jan 9
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Jan 6
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just another year closer to death I pray."
Jan 6
Carlos Hunt is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 31, 2019
Ellis Gee replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I know this doesn’t help right now, but even this will pass—lt took me seven months. It may take you more or less time, but the agony you’re going through will end. You’re in my thoughts. Ellis"
Dec 28, 2019

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