It has been 7 months since my father passed away. I just recently in the past three weeks, have started the grieving process. I should say, I just recently am moving out of the denial stage. Before he died, we talked about how when he died, he would come back to visit. Our deal was, I would let him go if when he crossed over to the other side, he would find me a husband. I told him he would have super powers and would be able to weed out the bad ones:) So when he died, a few things happened…

I can't believe it's been almost 6 weeks since I've lost you.  I know you are in Heaven with God and your family, and I feel almost selfish for wishing you were here with me.  I am trying to do all the things around the house that you always wanted to get to but didn't have time for because you were so busy working and spending time with me.  Precious time with me...I am so glad we did things the way we did.  You were right...the house could wait...the chores could wait...but we couldn't…

It's been eleven years,

and still I shed tears.

The time flew

and the pain of losing you,

is like the early morning dew;

Always there,

through all the where and tear.

That night, will forever be engrained

inside my head,

and the memories will never lay

fast alseep, well rested and tucked into bed.

No wishing on a shooting star,

will ever change what was lost

eleven years ago.

It won't get me…

there was a ,saying I picked up in AA (long time ago for AA) about being on your pity pot.I suppose being on your pity pot in grief is ok. Iam not going to be over my my loss(take three pills a day and see me in 6 month) I do know grief is stronge stronger than any emotion I have experienced.I wonder if it would have been different had I not allowed life support to be taken off. Had I not been stuck in the hallway of…

I want to say I am grateful for the comments I have been getting, and that I really do appreciate them. I have tried to reply a few times and I just kind of get stuck.  I have been reading other peoples posts and its "nice" to read that at least some others out there understand some of the things that I feel, not that I WANT other people to feel this way.. but it's a small comfort. I want to respond to some of the posts, and be involved in the threads, but I have a hard time offering…

One month already? she passed away one month ago.So Iam wondering around out of control.True to form stepson and gradkids don,t call up .I have to learn to get out the there on my own. My wife used to bother her son with food and gifts.Oh yes her son skipped out years ago when she was out work leaving me hold the bag so to speak.Doesn,t even call up I could be dead laying in the bathtub.Of sourse he would try to get the house.I want to sell this house but I don,t want to be alone.Its hard to…

i google how to survive the death of my child , and the results are insulting there are none really other then the ones offering to sell you books or the ones offering to sell you God or 20 steps to surving the death of your child the rest of the results are how to save your marriage after the death of your child um i dont know about the rest of the people here i honestly dont give a flying fuck about trying to save a damn thing i barely can save me right now any how my point you put in sex…

I guess this blog may seem out of order or confusing.. but I was here before. I was trying to be stronger than I am. I was trying to seize moment and embrace this community, and be supportive but it wasn't working out. So I took some time away and now I am back again...

Tonight I am feeling volatile, and bitter, hurt, angry, lost, depressed, hopeless and these are not typical "Mandy" feelings.  I have always been an optimist, always believed in looking forward and…

I have ATT  DSL at home and the dam thing stop working(The DSL) I just want to call them and get rid of it.

I get in a fit of depression over my wifes passing that it really gets to be a bone crusher(in other words the depression just takes you over and you have to fight thru it) its awful.If she was here she would…

I should be so happy but I feel so sad! My daughter and future son-in-law are home getting ready for their wedding Sat. Why did you have to leave me baby? I need you here with me!!! I can't do this all alone.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

I had a panic attack and couldn't sleep Sunday night. I should have taken something to sleep but, didn't know it would keep on. I"m so sad today that I can't cry. Sunday was hard. I laid in bed and slept.

As bad as this is, I still don't think I"m facing the reality of you being gone, mom. I so wish you could communicate with me. 

Love,

Sandra

Down deep we had a love for each other.As much as she was away from I missed her in a special way. She had awful mood changes taking what ever bothered out on me .She even tore into me in the hosp before things got worse. She had a love for me I miss her knowing there would be no  control and managing of my life. So its odd in a horrible way Iam alone without her control.No Iam not jumping thru hoops. However I get up the morning and plow thru it. 

May 6th 2012 I attended my cousins wedding. It was a beautiful event. She was glowing. She was happy. The groom was quite dashing. And everyone was in good spirits. Then, there I was. I came in late to the event, because the night before I was partying hard. When I walked in I was overly dressed. I had a blonde style and my makeup wasn't fresh because I didn't have time to get myself together. But at…

Hi again mom,

I"m sitting here thinking about the weekend and torn between being glad I can be away from people and worried that I will have a panic attack while I stay in our house all alone.

I"m still praying that you are in a wonderful place, a place you deserve.

I"m still angry at the cancer doctors and think they should have made your treatments a lot less severe. Someday, I may forgive them, but right now I feel lots of anger.

I"m also angry at life in…

Hi mom,

I sat outside with the lovely flowers and the new hydrangea tree and thought of you mom and how much I love you. I know you would have enjoyed all of the new flowers and trees I've planted but I never seemed to have the time to plant them when you were here. I even laughed a little thinking of some of the fun times we had together... going shopping at WalMart or even going to your eye dr. and the weekend times of sitting on the porch.  The flowers i've planted are gorgeous and…

Most upset is derived from our unwillingness to accept or release something. Like holding water, the tighter we grasp the less we have. 



Often the intense energy we expend clinging to something is the single greatest obstacle to our good. We greatly improve our lives and results by letting it go. 



Letting go does not mean giving up. It means that we take our frenetic, chaotic energy out of the picture and release our…

I miss you and love you so much.  You were my big man, my king arthur, my everything.  God must have a very special place for you in heaven because you did him so welll on earth.  You are so loved and so missed by so many.  Please know that I am praying for you every day.  I am trying to do here what you wanted for the earthly things and that keeps me busy but I so long to be with you.  I know I have to wait for God to put us back together, but my true joy will be when I meet you in heaven…