I lost my Fiancee to Sudden Cardiac Arrest

I came home from work.  Normal day.  My sweetheart was in the shower, I heated up his dinner and made mine, he came out in his pajamas and kissed me hello.  He told me of his day and how happy he was that his union was on strike and he could be home now.  After dinner he always took a nap, but for some reason he didn't.  He saw the neighbor cutting down trees and walked up the top of the hill to give him a drink and talk.  I was changing the string on the lawn trimmer and the neighbor yelled, you husband fell!  I ran as I saw my sweetheart drop to his knees.  Kevin called 911 as I performed CPR on him. It took them 20 minutes to get there.  They got his heart beating again but it was too late.  He had lost too much oxygen to his brain and was on life support.  His children and I had to make the decision to stop life support.  Since that day my life has never been the same and never will be.  I tried to save him.  So many unanswered questions.  Why him and why now?  He has two beautiful grandchildren and we were not married yet.  Now I struggle every day with the loneliness without him.  Tomorrow is his grandaughter's birthday and he won't be there. It is going to be hard......

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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, too.  As for me -- same as it has been since my husband died. I don't expect it will ever change. I know what you mean about being over the shock, and I suppose it's usually/mostly that way for me as well, but…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, Bluebird.  Thanks for asking.  Just dealing with this awful reality 6 years later.  I'm over the shock and and am just dealing with the way it is.  How are you, otherwise?"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks, Jeff. How are you doing?"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I get it.  You are so right about what's happening to this country."
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"The 4th of July is my husband's favorite holiday -- mostly because of all the cookouts/barbecues/food, but also because of the fireworks. So, as with so many other things since he died, I find that I can't celebrate it. There's simply…"
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