Today marks 1 month since you left us, and things haven't got any easier!!! It still hurts everyday knowing that my love/best friend is gone...
Since you’ve been gone, my world has come to a halt. Food has lost its taste. I hear no rhythm in music. I see no beauty in nature. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My heart feels like it’s being weighed down with a thousand stones. I am numb. At night, I wish for a peaceful sleep. I pray that you don’t haunt my dreams. I hope that the night slips by uninterrupted because each time I wake I relive the horrible reality that you are no longer here with me. I think about you coming back. I think about things I know deep down won’t happen, but I can’t help myself.
I miss laughing with you. I miss lying in bed at all hours of the night talking and listening to your steady heartbeat in your strong, comforting embrace. We fit so perfectly together. I miss our adventures. They weren’t too grand, but being with you made everything feel like the world’s greatest adventure. I miss waking up in the middle of the night to your kisses; to the love that was once so powerful I couldn’t believe it to be real. I glance at my phone every few minutes waiting for your name to pop up on my black screen. I feel weak, pained, and lonely. I feel unsafe. I miss how strong I felt with you by my side. I am helpless without you, since you’ve been gone.
People tell me I’m one of the strongest people they know, but I hide from them that it takes every ounce of effort to get through a day in one piece, and that I smile every chance I get to keep myself from breaking apart. They don’t see the endless trail of tears that drain my body and soul each night and paint my sheets when my head hits the pillow. They don’t know that I keep myself busy so that I don’t have time to think of you and feel the pain of my aching heart. The thought of your kiss seems so real to me, even though you're so distant. I can sense your touch with my every move. Your scent never disappears..
The weight of your absence is so heavy. I can’t remember what it feels like to breathe without gasping. There are a hundred different ways to say I miss you but I’m stumbling over every single one and I’ve realized you can only write about someone so much before the only thing you can write about is the last time you saw them. They say you’re only as good as the company you keep, so I guess that’s why I haven’t been doing so well since you left me. A place in my heart will never be filled again I love you and miss you so much. I know that time will never fully heal these wounds.
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