Panda
  • Female
  • Cranston, RI
  • United States
Share

Panda's Friends

  • rhonda jean

Panda's Groups

Panda's Discussions

Song to my mom

You'll always be a part of meWhen I'm lost, I'm missing you like crazyAnd I tell myself I'm so blessedTo have had you in my life, my lifeI'll see you againYou never really leftI feel you walk beside…Continue

Started Jul 26

Gifts Received

Gift

Panda has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

Panda's Page

Latest Activity

Heather left a comment for Panda
"Hi Panda, It has been a while and I just wanted to touch base and see how things are going for you? Thinking about you and sending hugs and good thoughts to you. Heather"
Aug 15
Panda left a comment for Liz
"Yea honestly the only reason why I would go to the hospital is to reduce the loneliness. I'm always here if you wanna talk to me i know how you feel. 2 weeks maybe after I lost my mom my best friend who I've known since I was 3? Died from…"
Jul 29
Liz left a comment for Panda
"Hey Panda, just thinking of you. I've been considering drug treatment, since my the loss of my friend I am really struggling with addiction. Honestly though, I don't know if they would be able to handle me. There are some days that I…"
Jul 29
Panda commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lindsay I am so sorry for you. Mine died on mother's day and it's so so hard. She was my everything and the only person I ever loved and even had. I know the pain. I'm always here if you wanna talk"
Jul 28
Panda commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa I know how you feel and I'll always be here to listen :/ I know how much it hurts"
Jul 28
Panda left a comment for Liz
"Honestly I'm give up on hospitals. They've never made me feel better or helped in any way. :/"
Jul 28
Liz left a comment for Panda
"If you feel that you need to be in a hospital, I think you know what's right for you. I have been hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts before, and I can say that it helped during the immediate crisis, and also kept me from hurting…"
Jul 28
Liz commented on Panda's status
"I can relate to that, and I hope you find the answers. All, I know is that it was a drug overdose, and I don't even know that for sure. Just that he was found dead, and drugs were found at the scene of his death. I want to know why my friend is…"
Jul 27
Panda posted a status
"So many questions unanswered :/"
Jul 27
Panda replied to Panda's discussion Song to my mom in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you. I didn't make the song up though I found it on YouTube :/"
Jul 27
Heather replied to Panda's discussion Song to my mom in the group I miss my Mom!
"Beautiful, panda:-)!"
Jul 26
Panda added 2 discussions to the group I miss my Mom!
Jul 26
Panda posted a discussion

Song to my mom

You'll always be a part of meWhen I'm lost, I'm missing you like crazyAnd I tell myself I'm so blessedTo have had you in my life, my lifeI'll see you againYou never really leftI feel you walk beside meI know I'll see you againSee More
Jul 26
Panda replied to Paul Kealy's discussion A very special tribute to a mothers love in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you <3 is there anyway I can get the lyrics?"
Jul 26
Panda commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"This really really hurts :'("
Jul 26
Panda commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"This really really hurts :'l"
Jul 26

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm panda. 20 years old. I've been through alot. I'm diagnosed with depression anxiety social anxiety ptsd and borderline personality disorder. Been through alot of abuse all different ways and I'm just not a happy person mentally.
About my Loss:
I lost my mom two weeks after we met. I got taken from her when I wasn't even two years old. When I got taken from her I was forced to be with my abusive family which is my family on my dad's side. My dads side of the family abused me for 20 years emotionally physically verbally and sexually and they lied to me my whole life and told me that I should have been aborted and that nobody really wanted me. I wasnt only abused by my family though... Ive also been abused by my exs. The day I met my mom was the happiest day of my life. I was finally hopeful that I was gonna be happy again. I finally felt love that I haven't felt before. It's like I knew she was gonna die because she was terminal in hospice the first day I met her but I thought she could get better i thought I could save her which was what I really wanted to do but no two weeks later she died :/ I don't have any support from my dad's side and it's like she was the only one I had and now she's gone :/

Comment Wall (14 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 2:23pm on August 15, 2017, Heather said…
Hi Panda,
It has been a while and I just wanted to touch base and see how things are going for you? Thinking about you and sending hugs and good thoughts to you.
Heather
At 6:59am on July 29, 2017, Liz said…

Hey Panda, just thinking of you. I've been considering drug treatment, since my the loss of my friend I am really struggling with addiction. Honestly though, I don't know if they would be able to handle me. There are some days that I literally cannot get out of bed, and all I do is cry, and I don't know if I would be capable of sticking to a routine, going to meetings, and watching other people with their friends and boyfriends, while I'm completely alone. but then, one reason I want to go is to be around people, to reduce the loneliness. Just couldn't sleep tonight. The sadness was too much. 

I hope you are doing okay. I don't know if you take medication, but maybe you need to get your medication adjusted, since you recently had a tragedy i  your life. stay strong, hun. (hugs)

At 12:04am on July 28, 2017, Liz said…

If you feel that you need to be in a hospital, I think you know what's right for you. I have been hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts before, and I can say that it helped during the immediate crisis, and also kept me from hurting myself. They also referred me to some other helpful mental health services. If you feel like hospitalization would help you, you can go to the emergency room and tell them you're having extreme depression or suicidal thoughts, and probably they will admit you if you are willing to be admitted. If you feel like you're in danger in anyway, from yourself or anyone else, just please go to the emergency room. She doesn't sound like a very good therapist, but I guess sometimes you have to make do with what you have. 

At 12:49pm on July 26, 2017, rhonda jean said…
Well I think what you need is a plan. That's a place to start. Do you go to college or have a job etc? I don't know your circumstance so it's hard for me to best advise you on your next step.
I would NOT be moving in with someone you only know from the Internet. You are obviously not in the mental state right now with your serious grief to be making that kind of move at all and some people prey on others in your situation. It's a recipe for disaster and if you were my daughter I'd never allow it. My dads a selfish jerk and I haven't seen him in 20 years or so, but I had my mom then. He didn't care either, so in the end it was the best decision for both of us. He didn't have to keep pretending he cared and I could stop getting hurt every time it was apparent that he couldn't care less about me.
Start small with a plan. If you don't work, get a job asap. Even if it's just part time. Then start putting some money away every paycheck so you can reach your goals. There are lots of young women looking for roommates ~ start looking at what the cost of those types of deals are in your area. Don't let any man swoop in and 'save' you right now, it's too risky with you being so vulnerable at the moment. Standing on your own is very daunting but once you get there you will see how freeing it is to be independent and do your own thing. Is it hard at times? Yes. Is it worth it to start your new life? Without doubt! I am happy to try and guide you with any thing I can. Having three daughters myself, it broke my heart to see what you are suffering with. Please don't make any rash moves, but do start researching writing down a solid plan of attack to get yourself free of this bad relationship with your dad. No one is worth your self esteem, not even someone who calls them self your father ~
At 8:33pm on July 25, 2017, Liz said…

Panda u certainly have had a lot of loss in your life. The loss of your mom is so terrible because of the relationship you could have had with her if she had lived. Maybe you can reconnect with her side of the family, and just tell them you want to know more about her. If she had any sisters or brothers or if her parents are still alive, you could talk to them. Or anyone who was close to her I'm sure would love to meet her daughter. In a way you could continue to get to know her. I know that's not the same, it's not actually being with her, and it doesn't make the pain go away. but maybe it will help to be around others that are mourning her loss. 

At 6:41pm on July 25, 2017, Liz said…

thank you for the comment panda. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. i can't imagine such a big loss, especially at your age. i haven't lost my mother, but I know the pain of losing a loved one, and I'm sorry that you or anyone must go through this. hugs -liz

At 5:59pm on July 25, 2017, Heather said…
No thanks needed... just wishing the best for you. How did it go today with the new psychiatrist? Hopefully, you found some comfort or help... hugs to you, panda:-)
Heather
At 10:43am on July 25, 2017, Heather said…
Hi Panda, I wish i could give you a big old hug and tell you that everything will be ok. I know the road is rough right now and it is hard to see that everything will be alright. For me when I have believed what someone has told me then found out (when it was too late) that they lied, you do feel "retarded" and then you start questioning your own judgement. This creates so much stress because if you don't trust yourself, who can you trust:-0! All it takes is time to forgive yourself. Believe it or not (and I hope you do believe, eventually) that you did only what you were capable of doing in those moments (when you had the opportunity to meet your mom). Be kind to yourself. You sound like a deeply caring person, don't let that gift get lost in what happened to you. i think your mom would be so proud of you
At 8:37pm on July 24, 2017, Heather said…
Panda, you have such an incredible amount of courage to stand up and take the risk you did to meet your Mom!!! I know it was way too short of a time and it is beyond unfair that you only had those two weeks:-(. try not to "should" all over yourself, you did the best with the information you had at the time...hold on to those two weeks that you were able to have. She must have been over the moon to have you back:-)! That must have given her so much peace to be reunited with you...
At 8:02pm on July 24, 2017, Heather said…
Hi panda, it is so hard to trust anything after your mom passed away. This is a period of intense uncertainty. I'm way older than you and since my mom died, I am so uncertain about everything, so angry and so so sad. The biggest thing is the anxiety . But I gratefully wake up in the morning, that I get another chance to work on these issues and figure out how I can rise above and learn to value all of me. Your loss is so fresh so be patient with yourself and just breathe and take it moment to moment for now. With love and hugs:). Please keep me posted.
Heather
 
 
 

Latest Activity

BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Christine and Janie. Thank you both for your comments Bluebell"
2 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"By her home I meant my Mom's."
2 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone! Today was a stressful day for me. I found a great website it is called Soul Proof .com.  Bluebell I thought about you as I was reading different things on after death experiences. Both times my daughter and I have been together in…"
2 hours ago
Profile IconJen and LoveGoli joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
5 hours ago
JO B commented on Mike H.'s blog post Repost: Is It Wrong to Grieve?
"no its ok 2 grief evn ifs its a 50 yrs its still ok evn 80 yrs its ok no 1 shud tell pele 2 not giref its not lk a op or bandge u can tak off its not griefs 1 thng u ca n not heal  sorry if im sayin wong thngs heat sorry abot yore loss 2"
5 hours ago
JO B replied to JO B's discussion mad at god
5 hours ago
Courtney Boyke posted a status
"I feel lost a lot of the time kinda more depressed than anything"
9 hours ago
Courtney Boyke and Mary Ann Troxell are now friends
9 hours ago
Christine Ford commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I'm new to the group.  In November 2015 my Mom & Dad were cutting a tree branch in their backyard and the branch fell on my Mom and killed her.  I am numb some days.  I just try to focus on how wonderful my mom was, not how…"
9 hours ago
Christine Ford commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, thank you for posting the comment about having a mother that loved you, food to eat, and your family.  I too am luck to have/have had those things.  Your comment reminded me of what I have to be thankful for.  Christine"
9 hours ago
Christine Ford joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
10 hours ago
Christine Ford updated their profile
10 hours ago
Profile IconChristine Ford and julia shvekky joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
10 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Theresa. It is hard for me to accept I am still grieving her loss so much. But I am still going to try and inch forward little by little and have more "okay" times. I think my Mom would want that. I can not stay in this…"
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, grieving is a normal part of life and death, you are only 6 months into it, please don't expect too much, I am now almost two years and I still am trying to accept the fact of what happened and how fast it occurred.  Some days I…"
11 hours ago
Joy commented on Karen Wilson's blog post Lost my Son -only child in March of this year
"Karen, I just want to offer my sincere sympathy in losing your son. While I'm grieving my mom's death, and our situations are completely different, I do know what grief is and can relate on that point. I'm glad you are getting the…"
11 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am grateful I had a mother that loved me I am grateful I have a roof over my head and food to eat I am grateful for my family"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am blessed to have my sister. But I also realize that she is going through a bad time too and it would not be fair to her to burden her with all the negativity that is going through my mind. With that being said, I am going to try and be more…"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I will pray for you as well. I understand. Theresa, that is one of the most beautiful things about Catholicism. Sitting in adoration of the sacrament is an incredible blessing. Bluebell, you wrote something that was very telling. You have…"
18 hours ago
LoveGoli replied to Maxey's discussion Moved, but nothing changes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You are lucky that you spent 55 years, but I had only 3years and the pain is getting worse day by day. Moving from one place to another does not help because you can not remove that person from your heart.  Same feeling I am having which you…"
22 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service