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caregiver

I was a caregiver to my mom for just over 4 years. She moved in with me after finding out she had breast cancer. I went to every single Dr appointment with her, every chemo, radiation and to her head shaving. I have 3 sister's and 1 brother but they didn't do anything to help. I felt so alone during the last few months of my mother's life that it's hard not to be angry at my siblings for not helping more. I look in every room of my home and see mom everywhere. I feel lost without her here. 

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Comment by JO B on August 9, 2017 at 6:11pm

i feal bad coz moms had 2 go in 2  a nrsin hom pls dnt hav a go it me i no idesvye t bt im exspectin a ot mr pele layin in 2 mewhy dnt i takbetr car ofher wish i cud dnt relz well did bt not well my slf

her dem/azl not g

its ud shes soil er slf wet her slf wish is not her i ni i cud of dun mor 

its lk iv loss her bf shes gon im so bad i feal iv bean beatny slf up in sid fr st frw wks or mor 

why cud iv nt dun mor 

am i so bad

she nozw wh i am bt weni go fogs iv bean or my sisrts bean  bt i do go 2 sea her bt i try not2 go mush so she cnt rly on me i feal so bad wz tld she reld on me 2 mush 

need 2 get my slf bt rht

iv evn bean tld be pred for peol layi in 2 m tellin me i shud if tk betr car of mom im a vil humn bean dnt need remd off othr peple wen it stsgoin off i no im a bad eg i do

i no ill be getin

why did i let ths alz/dem hapen 

dnt no

why dnt itak bet car off her itryd bt new mona tk ov artrits in me tok ovr thn i no il be tld no exscus i cud of dun a ot mor

its wot im preprd fpr i just i cud waca magi wond mom be ok agan dad be hear evry elsbe ok evry thng ots go bad wud nt be my falt al i no is its still my falt

sor

sorry if im goin on 2 mush jts ths dem/azl getin 2 me exspet pepep layij in 2 me wish im dredin

Comment by Joy on August 9, 2017 at 12:10pm

My mom passed in May and like the previous post from Jennifer I was my mom's sole caregiver for nearly three years. My mom had a lot of health issues, she was immobile for one thing which was very difficult in terms of transporting her, lifting her everyday, helping her stay clean, etc. My mom had cataracts, Alzheimer's, diabetes, edema. I also found out she had a UTI which combined with Alzheimer's is a recipe for disaster. She would start seeing things and people who weren't there, she'd start folding her blankets non-stop.  It was hard fixing foods that she could swallow and enjoy. It was hard getting her to drink water and stay hydrated. I thought I'd feel this tremendous relief once she passed because then I'd have my life back, but I don't feel relief for myself and don't feel whole right now. The only relief I have is that she's free and not suffering any longer.

I tried doing as much for her as I could, but I don't think I did enough either and that haunts me. Because mom meant everything to me. I look back and wonder should I have quit my job, but didn't do that because I was our only means of support. Yes mom received pension and social security benefits but I wasn't going to live off of her resources and so I kept working and taking care of her.

Anyway, I know nothing is going to bring her back but I do have a lot of regrets and just wish I could have done so much more for her. I know she loved and appreciated everything I did do as she would tell me so. I just feel disappointed in myself sometimes as I go through this process of grief.

Comment by Jennifer Schrader on January 27, 2016 at 1:22pm
This is my first posting, and your post really hit home. My heart aches for my mom. And I am trying to find me again. I lived my life for my mom. And miss her so much. Even though everyone says it was the cancer that killed her, I have issues with the care I gave her. So many people says how proud they are of me since she was able to die in her home and I did a great job. I have always felt I could have done better. And I hope she was comfortable at the end. Since I had to force pain meds on her because she couldn't do anything for herself. I have never vented like this. Please let me know if you feel the same or what was your caregiver/ daughter. I am an only child. My mom was 59. Breast cancer
 

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