Missing my Son or Daughter

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Missing my Son  or  Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Members: 438
Latest Activity: Feb 20

Discussion Forum

Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter 466 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by toni m dicarlo Jun 17, 2018.

STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " 182 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

Lost Faith 58 Replies

Started by cindy parrott. Last reply by Dennis C. Jun 27, 2015.

The HOW ARE YOU dreaded Question ???? How do you answer??? 49 Replies

Started by Kar. Last reply by Robert Matthews Mar 11, 2018.

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Comment by Lynn Williams on February 20, 2019 at 1:03pm

Thinking of everyone here with love

Comment by Connie K on February 20, 2019 at 12:08pm

It's been so long since I've been here. Somehow I don't get notifications anymore. And from November til after y sin' birthday March 31 I just want to run away and disengage with the world. But I think of you all and send you love and prayers for this difficult journey. I know I should say encouraging things but after 6 long years I feel I am going backwards. But I will go on... "Onward ever forward on the walk of Life..."

Comment by Teresa D. on October 12, 2018 at 9:54pm

Judy sometimes I feel the same way...why do some who don't deserve to live get to while our kids didn't.  And sometimes when I hear others use that word, "miracle" it upsets me too.

Comment by Teresa D. on October 12, 2018 at 9:51pm

Connie forgive me if I screw this up but the line, "Don't cry for me, cause I live in eternity" runs through me head all the time.

Comment by Teresa D. on October 12, 2018 at 9:43pm

Connie what a beautiful gift!!!!! That was Daniel, letting you know he's there. 

Comment by Teresa D. on October 12, 2018 at 9:32pm

Ginger I left all my sons pictures right where they were I need to see them. 

Comment by Teresa D. on October 12, 2018 at 9:30pm

It's been a while since I've checked in.  I'm actually melting down right now. Don't know what brought it on but can't seem to stop.  I miss everyone and think of all of you all the time. 

Michael's cousin, on his fathers side, had a baby and named him after Michael.  My nephew and his wife is due any day now and the babies middle name will be Michael in honor of my Michael.  My niece just found out she is pregnant and they decided if it's a boy his first name will be Michael.  This is bitter sweet.  They all loved Michael so much they all want Michael as part of their babies names. Yet each baby that comes just makes me miss my Michael even more.  Michael's not here to see all this and I'll never get to have the grandbabies he talked about in our last conversation. 

This summer was really rough I had to go to a funeral every week in August.  The last one was my sisters husband age 47, she still hasn't received the autopsy report and has no idea what happened.  As soon as I returned from Connecticut my dam dog died the next day.  Roxy gave me so much comfort.  She always knew when I was sad. She would sniff my eyes and lay as close as she could get to me.

I feel so overwhelmed right now.  The funeral before my sisters was my good friend's grandson age 19.  I feel bad but I felt a little comfort.  I felt like somebody close to me finally gets me a little bit.  Life has never gone back to what it was.  Everyday I ask God to take me towards the sun.  I just want to be happy again but feel it's never going to happen.

I've gotten good at hiding my grief.  I even tried to go to work on his leaving day.  But I made a fool out of my self.  I just couldn't hide it they way I thought I could.  I still sometimes walk myself right into a corner by talking about him to new people and then they will ask questions.  Do I lie and make stuff up or do I say he's gone? 

Some will ask how long has it been?  when I say 6 years they say, "Oh" all that does it make me feel like something is wrong with me. 

I'm rambling.  My mind is all over the place.  I miss Michael so bad.

A few weeks ago my sister was texting me about my nephew's wife baby shower and I shared with her how painful it was for me. she kept telling me Michael's with you.  I left for work and the radio kept switching channels on it's own.  Thinking of her text I said, "Michael I know that's you, so stop it."  It stopped.  Kinda freaked me out.

I'm going to take some time and go back and read some things I missed.  Seeing you guys makes me feel like I'm back home.  Back in my safety zone. 

Comment by Connie K on August 20, 2018 at 5:33pm

Hugs to all here. I a here less and less. Ammy thank you for asking about my mom. IT hasn't been good. Se ended up having another heart surgery and can no longer live alone. She is living with my sister (who is 70 herself - my mom is 88) and it is just too hard for her. She is not equipped to be a caretaker 24/7. So I have been going back and forth to South Carolina. Now my sister ad to have a knee replavement surgery and is in pain all the time as she heals, doesn't sleep enough and is becoming overwhelmed with my mom She called met today and said I needed to come and get my mother and bring her to CA. Which she would never do. Now i am long distance trying to make phone calls and see if it's possible for a live-in home health care person so my mom can go back to her house. It's sooo expensive. The thought of having to put her in a home is awful and I wish I were closer. In the meantime none of them realize what we went through as caretakers for my son when he was sick and in the hospital all the time and continually say to me "you just don;t know. It's 24/7. Oh I know but anyway.... I still struggle with my grief and missing my sn tremendously.

HOWEVER I had another amazing communication from him while in South Carolina last time. I was on the front porch late at night crying (because I can't do it in front of anyone) Talking to Daniel and crying. My phone was beside me and the screen lit up like when you get a message. But it didnt go away like normal. I picked it up to see what the message was and it was on my son's phone contact page! And there was his name illuminated Daniel Kaplan. Wow ok so the light remained on the page and never dimmed as usual. So I said thank you for being here, I miss you so much and I don't know what to do about Nana (my mom, his Nana) and I can't move here and leave your dad alone. Then I proceeded to walk in the house holding the phone, still illuminating his contact page. I was holding the phone and then when i got to the door i glanced at it again and OMG it was on his facebook page!! ok that's a completely different app. In case I was thinking "Is this really you." he answered. I know that spirit energy can manipulate electrical things as he has in the passed and others on this sight have experienced that as well. This one was incredible. I mean it's the only way I survive knowing that my precious angel lives on in another form and is there to guide me when I need him.

Sorry for the long post. I send each and every one of you live prayers and hope. For any new members I am so very very sorry you have to join this group but I hope you can find support and caring here.

Connie

Comment by Silke B. on July 17, 2018 at 12:30pm

When the stars

shine up in the sky,

I miss you.

When the sun rises

& sets every day,

I miss you.

When the rain falls

and everything looks

bright and beautiful,

I miss you.

Every day, every hour,

in every way,

in everything I do,

I miss you.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on July 3, 2018 at 6:26pm

Judy Pugh, thank you for sharing....I too have had 2 sons pass, one infant and one adult. 
I have found that nothing really makes sense to me in this all. I too had faith, and that along with everything else shattered that day. 
I and my daughter have been horrible treated by many (by those who regularly attend church but don't seem to understand compassion) in my grief process. Those same individuals with their intact families...the comments and judgements that were made about our fight for justice on behalf of my son were beyond terrible....those same individuals that get to have their family events with their alive children. 
I do not think much has changed in the last 5 years, it is still the unbearable pain, but I hide it much better...I am much more careful of maintaining the "mask"...people in general exhaust me. Sometimes I forget briefly that this is my life. 
Connie- prayers for you and your mom.
Ammy, I am sorry for the passing of your brother. Hugs.

 

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