today I went to see you twice, I need that, I know in my heart you knew I was there. when summer comes I hope to sit with you awhile, theres so much I want and need to say. I love you with all y heart shawn and I pray everynight to be with you, I hope its soon. without you I have no reason to go on.  I love and miss you shawn always and forever  mom

I feel so hopelessly broken today. I put on my ",normal" face today and went to work. I talked to people even laughed, but inside I was screaming "Can't you see I need help? I'm dying here!". Of course, those were only words heard within. Only one person that I work with, an alarmingly intuitive soul, HEARD my voice on the phone and knew something wasn't right. Knew that wasn't me. Knew I had been crying, but didn't want to come out and ask. So she posed another question, " Have you got a…

My grief has taken me over today. I just stayed in bed all day. There are two things grieving me deeply. One, my cousin who has always been my big sister, is losing her memory to dementia. She has been the one who has always called me nearly everyday since Mom died. She is my biggest supporter, my shoulder to cry on. I have always told her that she reminds me of the character "Melanie" from the movie "Gone With The Wind." She has always been so kind and loving. And now I am losing her in a…

"It all just seems so fake...this idea that good things happen to good people and there's magic in the world and the meek and the righteous will inherit it. There's too many good people who suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it's all gonna be okay. "You're gonna be okay." But it's not okay. And once you know that...there's no going back. There's no magic in…

bean 2 mush tv loss in 2016 so sad

I can truly feel my heart hurting, I miss my son so much and the pain gets worse. the tears still flow everyday and night. the emptiness still there, so lonely, so dark. I pray to go with him, I beg him to come get me. my heart cant take much more. my son, the love of my life forever, I miss you shawn, I love you   mom

I wrote a couple of verses describing the rending, pillaging of the soul that is the only thing grief can offer us. 

"Here as time runs, endlessly, shore to shore then back again, waves of despair to never end, to never resolve and close upon  this terrible span of days.”  

and then-

"Bleaker shadows keeping vigil in the corners of my room, expressing deeper sorrow, shedding tears of deeper gloom.” 

After my love died of a massive heart attack, we were able to donate his corneas. I received a phone call from the local health department that his corneas tested positive for Hepatitis B and were not suitable for donation but would be used for research and professional education. Has any one else had this experience? Not sure what to think at this point.

After losing mom in October and my sister given 6 months to live with Alzheimer's... I find myself unable to find myself. A strong, independent lady all my life until now. Tears roll down my cheeks at inappropriate times and my smile is illusive. I even have found myself avoiding pictures. I hide and have pushed all away. I decided to join this community in hopes of some glimpse of something. Maybe a commonality will provide something.

My family are now worried and talking about how…

for 2 days now I cant smell my son, I sleep in his pjs , I need that smell , I need to know hes with me, please shawn bring the smell back to me, dear god  I need it bad, love you always and forever   mom

His ex-wife and I have forged an unusual relationship. I will throw myself under that bus in order to keep being able to love the 2 grandchildren with all I have. I am known as #2, or sister wife. Only to find out that he was never separated when he asked me out on our first date. He wasn't honest to his family, or with me. That is a hard hurdle. I believed in our love story, and still do. I would rather have been pissed at him than to lose him. I still believe in us. But have struggled to…

It was a beautiful spring day, like today. Lovely blue skies, flowers blooming. Why couldn't it have passed just like every April 12th prior to it? But it didn't. By noon that day, the doctor was asking me if I wanted to put you on life support, Mom. I struggled with the decision because they weren't giving me much hope. But you had the final say, in your own way. You passed peacefully before I could even give the doctor my decision. You left as quietly as a butterfly before we even realized…

I haven’t been writing at all recently, going back as far as Stewart asking me to share what “project” I am doing to help me move forward form my husbands death three years ago.  I never got to answering him and many other things have happened in the interim.  The worst of which has overshadowed and colored everything else on my daily journey is they found my yongest brother, 56 years old, dead in his bed on March 28^th. 

I can’t even begin to explain how another…

everyday I ask myself, what is there to live for? theres nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about, laugh about. I wonder why im here. without my son shawn theres nothing left. this pain gets deeper and deeper, my tears still flow everyday. I love him more than life and I should have gone before him, I want to go so bad, I pray to go. but im still here in hell with nothing but unbearable pain to live with. why wont he come get me? why wont he come to me? why wont he answer me?  no…

It is like a dream… I’m dreaming since 2012. Do you remember that had to be the end of the world? And it was… was for me… I want to come back. But what is real if you live in your minds?

TIPS:

     1) Right away find a place and scream as loud as you want and as long as you want!

     2) Go to travel (at least for few days and you can do it alone!)

     3)…

Anyone else see this advertised on the site and shake their head??   Unless you live in a pretty remote area, you can probably get grief counseling for FREE in your area.......and if nothing else, I'm willing to bet less than $25/hr, and that's IN PERSON, not some skype-y chat or a phone call.  Think before you leap here.

Dear Heavenly Father, please help me , and others who suffer with severe depression.  I am on my knees tonight.  My heart feels like it's broken beyond repair, but I know all things are possible with you, and that a better day is coming. ( Revelation 21:3,4).  But tonight I am drowning in my grief, so please, please throw me a lifeline. Every time  I conquer one battle, three more spring up.  I feel outnumbered tonite, dear LORD. And so weary.  Was I a born loser?  Sometimes it feels that…

happy birthday to my beautiful son shawn, I pray you are having a wonderfull day with grandma. I miss you so very much shawn, I know ill be with you soon, I love you always and forever  mom

So much has happened since I first connected with Grief Support...

When I read my profile this morning, it was like reading about someone else.  

It's been a year since mom died. I'm still travelling but...I've recently come to understand that maybe I wasn't travelling as much as I was running because I just didn't know how to process the pain.

I felt so ashamed, guilty, lost, alone, afraid, angry...and then at other times I felt nothing. 

But...time...hasn't…