Richard G
  • Male
  • Villard, MN
  • United States
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About Me:
61 year old male
About my Loss:
I lost my first wife Jane to cancer on my birthday in 2008. I don't even remember the first several months after she died. I thought I would never be happy again. Six months after she died I found a local grief support group. I met Cherie, a wonderful woman who had recently lost her husband. We became inseparable and were married in June of 2009. Last September she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Even though the doctors had no hope we both believed that she could beat the cancer. She passed away on April 18th.

Richard G's Blog

Dreading Saturday

My beloved Cherie didn't want a funeral. She wanted to be planted as a tree in the backyard. This coming Saturday we are going to have a memorial party and plant her ashes with a tree in the backyard. I am dreading the day because I really don't want to deal with all of the people that will be coming. Plus it will be another reminder that she is really gone. It is so hard to go on living. I hope everyday that I don't have to wait long to join my loved ones.

Posted on June 15, 2015 at 8:42am

A sign

I really like birds and have several bird feeders on the deck. One of my favorite birds is the Yellow-headed Blackbird. I haven't seen one in our area in over six years. It is a bird that I'm always looking to find. So, I told Cherie if she was ok to send me a Yellow-headed Blackbird. I was on way to an appointment this morning when a Yellow-headed Blackbird flew right in front of the car. I almost drove off the road. I'll take this as a sign from Cherie.

Posted on May 27, 2015 at 2:49pm

Comment Wall (17 comments)

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At 11:41pm on August 25, 2015, charity wolf said…

I just now read this message. Thank you so much for your birthday wishes. peace is what we all need... hug

At 4:08pm on July 1, 2015, kathleen akin said…

Richard, I will get that book. I'm willing to try anything at this point. I've got everyone worried about me. I don't want that.

At 9:03am on July 1, 2015, kathleen akin said…

Richard, how are you dong these days? 

~Kathy

At 7:50pm on June 21, 2015, Angela said…
Richard,

Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. Losing a spouse is devastating. Today was Father's Day. My boys seem more resilient than I. I struggled today worrying about how they would handle today. They both did their own thing. My younger son, age 18, said it was hard on social media seeing everyone posting photos of their dad. He was able to post his own photo of his dad and say he misses him. He got tears in his eyes. It just breaks my heart more for them.
At 11:11am on June 18, 2015, kathleen akin said…

Hi Richard. For some reason doing better today. yesterday started out ok, then lost it by the afternoon when job stuff got to me and it all came out with me being super emotional. I hate that I have to put on a happy face for work, but I do. And my co-workers...I don't even know where to begin. I have told them the prognosis is grim. Rocky is going to die. Yet they keep asking "how is he? doing any better?" well, actually...NO

But I guess they just don't want to get it. So nice to have people here who just ask even though they know exactly how's it going. Thank you Richard for thinking of me.

How are YOU? Is it a good day or bad or just indifferent? Have you decided about the tree? I would think that might trigger so much emotion for you. Maybe it helps some people. I am not sure if I would want to do that, but we shall see. I could see me doing something like that for my dad (who is not doing well but he is very old) but for anyone who goes before their time...I don't know. Its so different. It's so hard to get over. It's so hard to want to move on and act like normal life. But then you try and do a memorial for them, and then that is worse for some reason.

I thought of a tatoo. That seems so obvious. I don't really like them, but I thought of having his name on some part of me no one sees, only me. Something private. Something I could look at and not share with anyone. I find I don't want to share any part of him with anyone. Do you find that to be the case for you? Maybe that's why the tree planting would be hard?

At 4:58pm on June 10, 2015, kathleen akin said…

Thanks Richard. It does help to know there are people who know exactly what this is and how I'm feeling. I think that must be why we are here, writing and reading and thinking of other's situations, some of which are so familiar. I do wish it were me and not him though. I really feel like I could handle that a whole lot better. I was raised in a very religious family and never had a fear of dying. I longed for it at other times in my life, I long for it now. Just to not be left.

At 3:46pm on June 3, 2015, kathleen akin said…

Thank you Richard. Knowing there are others out there going through this sort of helps. I don't know why. I know that death is part of life and I would just rather be the one going through this than him. He could handle it better than me. I'm a mess.

At 4:09pm on May 29, 2015, Fran said…

Life continues whether we want it to or not.

I have been trying to stay busy. I dont' want to just sit and mope and cry. I spent last wkend planting a garden and added squash plants which Bill would never have been happy with. He could barely tolerate having zucchini in the garden. I amazed myself by being able to start up the rototiller myself, that was Bill's job. And then on Sunday my son and I put up backsplash in the kitchen, which was the last thing to do in finishing Bill's remodel that started 10 years ago. It was time! 

I've also started putting out oriole food. I want to see if I can attract them instead of all the other birds.

So thanks for the "friend" request. It's nice to know that I don't have to push thru this alone.

At 8:38am on May 29, 2015, George H said…
hanks
for the word Richard you know how it is right now don't care much about anything back to trying to push through the day today
At 6:52pm on May 26, 2015, Elizabeth said…

Thank you for your kind words, Richard. So sorry for both of your losses. Cancer is such a horrible disease. Best wishes to you. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to or some support. God Bless.

 
 
 

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Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
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Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
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Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Lynn Fisher replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
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Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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