sheila kerr
  • Female
  • Woodstock, GA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 46 year widow and that is not what I expected my life to be at this point.I have 4 kids and 4 grandkids.I work as a bakery manager for a large retail chain and have been doing the same kind of work for 22 years.Right now I am very lost and do not know how to get through all of this.
About my Loss:
My husband passed away 6 months ago from a rare form of cancer,he battled it for many years we had a lot up and downs with his illness.We were together for only 12 years so i feel like I did not have enough time but I guess everyone feels that way.

Sheila kerr's Blog

I dont know how to do this

This is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life.I have lost a lot of people in my life but never have I felt like this or hurt this bad I miss my husband every day,I still count the days of how long he has been gone and sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day and cry.I do not want to do things by myself and now we have the holidays coming and they were our favorite time of the year.I always decorated the house and my daughter had to do it for me this year because I just did not… Continue

Posted on October 14, 2010 at 6:26pm — 2 Comments

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At 5:56pm on January 24, 2011, Jeannie Porter said…

I need my friend to be able to visit on our grief line,bt I get kicked back e-mail?

 

At 4:30pm on January 23, 2011, Jeannie Porter said…
Are you gettting me yet?
At 9:02pm on January 21, 2011, Jeannie Porter said…
I can not get to you my friend? I am getting rejected again.
At 9:58am on December 4, 2010, Leslie Kanerva said…
I really do know how you feel. This is the worst time of year for me, too. But you can get through this and it will get easier with time (this is my third holiday season without my husband). Not easy, just easier. Just take a look at the small things in life - and try to enjoy your children and grandchildren. Don't try to "be strong" for them. Sharing your grief and the loss you all have experienced can help you all through it. Good advice - but hard to practice! My thoughts are with you - now go out and get a hug from one of your grandkids...
At 6:35pm on October 22, 2010, Jim Eginoire said…
What a bad day, or rather this afternoon. I was writing dates on a log for cash and stamp stock for my "drawer" and my relief employee.
When I wrote the 26th it just hit me that it would be a month and it knocked the wind out of me. I've been devestated ever since.
The reality is starting to become more evident every day and it hurts more.
When did the reality hit you.
At 5:37pm on October 20, 2010, Jim Eginoire said…
When my wife died the leaves were just starting to turn here in Iowa. A week later I noticed how much they had changed and it was to much for me. It meant the seasons were changing and I felt like time should have stopped when she died. It stopped for me emotionally so it felt really cruel that it everything else would continue as if nothing had changed.
And today has been the hardest day since her visitation. I cried on the way home, and I am a total wreck.
My daughter needs me to be a rock for her and she is dealing with the loss by buying stuff. And of course I am the one paying because I want her to feel better. Right now she is off buying some new iPod to listen to music.
I am supposed to go to our Wednesday night church group and all I want to do is stay home. I know if I go I will feel better so I probably will go.
I'll pray for healing for you Sheila, and peace.

Jim
At 2:52pm on October 20, 2010, Jim Eginoire said…
Today at least since lunch I have been feeling like you described, I just want to stay in bed but have no choice since I'm the only person in this office.
I feel like I do when I run a fever or have the flu. I can't concentrate, I feel weak and of course overwhelming sadness.
My Dr. prescribed xanax the day my wife died and I have been taking it ever since. I never had anxiety previous to her passing now it is constant when I don't take the xanax.
That's probably the primary reason I don't want to even think about the Holidays.
Your comments express exactly how I feel; I've never hurt this bad, felt this lost and confused.
All of my friends try to encourage me by reminding me of my faith and where my wife is now, but right now all I know is she is gone forever and it is more than I can bear.
Here I am sitting at my desk in a one person Post Office crying as I write this because when I put it in writing it is to painful to accept.
I need to compose myself before a customer comes in.
Thanks for sharing...
At 10:06am on October 20, 2010, Jim Eginoire said…
Sheila,
I hope you are having a decent morning. I have to make it clear up front, I am terrible at spelling, so when you see mistakes, don't assume I am not intelligent. Maybe lazy because I don't take the time to proof everything I write.
My daughter told me my sister-in-law has invited us to Plano Tx for Christmas and her daughter invited us to Colorado for Thanksgiving.
Right now I don't want to do either one, but am considering the Colorado visit as there are no memories with my wife there. Her neice has lived there a few years and we were never able to take the time to visit, so I would consider that.
As for Plano, that might be too painful, but her entire family wil probably be there and we would all be feeling the same loss. We have gone there for Christmas several times over the years or to my wife's mother's home in Wichita.
That was always my favorite for Thanksgiving, but I don't know if I could do it this soon.
This still feels like it's not real and that she will call me or walk into my office and I'll wake up from this nightmare.
And watching my daughter deal with it is almost more than I can bear. She is so heartbroken for herself and for me. I know she has a future and can meet a wonderful guy, fall in Love and get married. Have kids and continue a full life. That will not replace her loss, but falling in love will do so much in helping her heal.
Do you have a faith to turn to? I am a born again Christian, as was my wife, and it has given me some comfort, but right now it does nothing to replace the hole in my heart.
Laugh and look for the good in this day, I do and it does help, even if only for a minute.

Jim
At 1:51pm on October 19, 2010, Jim Eginoire said…
Sheila,
This is hell! I guess it was a blessing the way I lost my wife as she was not sick and it appears she died Instantaneously from what we don't know. The loss is no different it's just the shock of losing her in the blink of an eye. She died September 26th, just over 3 weeks ago and I am still walkning around in shock.
There are times when I think maybe I have accepted it and can proceed with a "normal" life, but then something small reminds me she is gone and it paralyzes me.
I am a Postmaster in a tiny town in Iowa and as I was writing this a customer came in to request her mail be held until a date in Nov. Immediatly my mind flashed to last year when we went to Wichita for the entire week of Thanksgiving and had the best time with her mom and step dad.
I loved going there for Thanksgiving and I can still go, but it won't ever be the same.
It truley feels like my heart has been ripped from me.
We have two children; a 30 year old son who has 2 boys and a 21 year old daughter who moved back in when my wife died.
She is really struggling with it but thinks she has to keep it together for me.
I feel like just quitting my job, and running away, to where, I have no idea.
I am a born again Christian as was my wife and that eases the pain a little but does nothing in regards to learning to live life without her.
We were married 23 years and had been together almost 25, almost half my life. That just occurred to me...
Contact me anytime.

Jim
 
 
 

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