Angela renteria
  • Female
  • Salt Lake City, UT
  • United States
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About Me:
I just turned 38 I am a mother of 4 . My husband recently died on June 18th of this year.
About my Loss:
My husband and I were together 17 years and losing him has been the worst thing in my life. I am not sure I can continue to go on with out him.I still can't come to terms that he is gone even though I was at the hospital and at his bedside when he passed.I hate this and I feel like we were cheated of a life together. I find myself wanting die with him but feeling guilty of feeling that way because I have have 4 young Children. I do want to see them grow up and I love them very much. The thing is its been six weeks and it seems like it's been forever.I can't imagine years of being without him.some people have said to me that well God must have wanted him or he is in a beautiful place . I do believe he is but why so soon. We have a child who just turned 1 earlier this year and that means my baby will have no memory of his father.

Angela renteria's Blog

Missing him.

Ever since my husband died I have become a little indifferent in my belief in God . I hate to say it , I fear thinking it. I still believe in God , I still believe there is nothing that God cannot do . I just do not have blind Faith anymore. I had that blind unrelenting Faith that God would save my husband or at least help him to live long enough to get a transplant. That never happened and I watched him die. I have a real hard time believing that his death was part of a great plan . My…

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Posted on August 16, 2016 at 12:41am — 2 Comments

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At 1:38pm on August 16, 2016, FLORA said…

Hi Angela, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. I lost the love of my like on February 15th of this year, we were together for 8-1/2 years, we were always together, we did everything together, and he too had struggled with alcohol for most of his adult life, and although he hadn't started to show physical signs of liver disease, the medical examiner stated that his opinion was he died from liver disease due to alcohol abuse and untreated diabetes, he passed away in his sleep. It was and has been the hardest and most horrible thing I have ever gone through. I still miss him so much and I would do anything to have just one more day, just to say all the things I didn't get the chance to say. It does get a little easier as the days go by, but I'll always think of him and he will always be in my heart. I wish you all the peace and comfort in the days to come.

At 9:50am on August 4, 2016, Mary said…
My heart goes out to you. I understand how you feel. I too feel the same. I lost my previous husband Neil 3 1/2 months ago and I still feel what you describe. My children are older 16, 21 and 26. But I too just want to go be with Neil. The pain physically and mentally and emotionally is too hard. You are in my prayers
 
 
 

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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes Brett, perfectly said. They will surely forgive us and I just need to forgive myself.  I will be fulfilling her pending wishes which will help me to forgive myself and also take more care of my Dad as he is alone now."
53 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I am sorry that it's taken a while for me to respond to you. I ready your story and I felt it. I am so sorry about your mom. If someone were to ask me what the prevailing emotion on this website is, I'm not sure that I would say…"
1 hour ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks for amazing words Brett. Yes the belief that we will meet our mother in heaven is a great motivation to love life."
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"A friend of mine lost his brother to suicide last year. My friend asked me if I thought that his brother was in Hell. There's a question that no one wants to be asked. There's just no way of knowing. And I don't want to make a joke…"
1 hour ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I have to add I miss my mom terribly, every single night I get in bed and in the darkness I cry and tell her if you are near me and can hear me I love you mom.   I say to her one day you will let me know what happened. Every night I say…"
5 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well said theressa. I have got the first motivation to get out of grief. My mother always wanted to have our own car which I never bought but now my first aim is to fulfil this wish."
6 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss, this is a great group. Brett somehow you always seem to shed light on a dismal situation.  Thank you. Virginia- no God does not allow bad things to happen to people, when we are brought into this world our…"
6 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, it will be better if you dont find out the things you should have done better in hospital. It will make your grief stronger. I tried but stopped in between because it was causing lot of pain."
7 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, Bluebell,   thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a…"
9 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree with you Virginia. Sometimes we actually dont know what we are doing."
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Mike H. posted a blog post

What Can Help Me if I'm Depressed?

The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.What God gives to help the depressedStrength. God “refreshes and cheers” you, not by removing all your problems, but by answering your prayers when you pray for the strength to cope. (…See More
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
yesterday

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