Comment

Comment by Courtney Adams on May 26, 2010 at 3:17pm

@Mel, I am glad that you are keeping faith that will help.....I could sit here and say i understand how you feel about being far away when you it comes to your dad stuff....But I will say this it is harder when your away I was talking to my step-sister and she is having it soooo rough, I told her about this website and hoping that she will join it to help her heal....See 3 days before my dad dies he left her a voicemail now we all have that voicemail on our computers........As for me and my family, my mom and I are getting back to the way it was.....We sit at the table and talk now....Things will never be completely the same but we try to think he is gone to his moms in a different state, or if we are in the kitchen we act like he is asleep in the bedroom....I know this doesnt help but we try to not make it hurt......I just want have my life back!!!....But I do hope that you are keeping faitha dn I will keep you and your family in my prayers....I know that you are a strong woman and you will be ok....I know that things will get rough but when you have friends it helps, and I consider everyone here a friend, so you have me if you need anything!!!...Just let me know!!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on May 22, 2010 at 11:12pm

@Courtney, thanks. Was battling with the "What-ifs" this week. bummed me out for a couple of days and was hard to get out of bed. I want to hear my dad's voice, i want to chat with him, tell him about my day, and hear what silly thing he is doing. He had a dry sense of humor and always had a terrible joke to share with me. I miss that. I miss him. Sorting thru his stuff is hard for me, in fact, i am not doing it, just giving verbal instructions because i live in another state. So that makes me sad, not being able to do that myself, i started it when i was there for a month, but now i am too far. it is hard, when i was doing good, i got knocked on my butt again. So taking it moment by moment and hoping for and looking for better days. Keep me in your prayers and my family. My prayers and love to you and yours.

Comment by Courtney Adams on May 21, 2010 at 11:27am

@Mel I understand yesterday was 6 months since my dad has passed....My mom decided to final take his clothes out of the closet....It was hard but she did it...I know its hard I have the banjo my moma nd I got him....I also have the exact shirt he died in....My mom washed it!!....I know its hard but believe me that when it comes down to it you know your doing it for him...He wouldnt want you to have the stuff to be sad....I look at my dads banjo and i laugh because the way he got it was funny...we took a picture of it wrapped it up in a box and told him this is as close as he was gettin to it...lol...then he went to bed that night with a banjo in his spot!!...he laughed sooo hard because of it...I think of the good stuff about him and the stuff that I am looking at...But I promise that it does get easier but no the pain doesnt go away!!........@Pat I would just tell everyone at the church that I need to back away from the place not anything or anyone general, but just where you can get your feet on the ground again...If you need to go and get a part time job at a place you like alot just to give you time away and at the same time give you extra money while you take a break but dont back away untill you find another job so you dont lose any money...what you need is a change in your life...I know its hard to say it but when our dads died it changed our lives...now to cope with it we need a change....I think if you do this it will help...And if you guys need anything just let me know I am always here I like to help people and its nice to have someone to talk to about my dad and stuff!!!..hope to talk to you guys soon!!

Comment by Patricia Melton on May 18, 2010 at 9:24pm

@Courtney, Thank you for checking on me. Just about when I think I might be ok I'm not. I had a great day last week and the rest of the week wasn't good. I saw alot of my Dad at our church. I work for our church and I see my Dad everywhere. I need a break. We just can't afford a vacation right now. I had thought about leaving this church but am committed right now to too many things. I just don't know what to do and don't have anyone to talk to. Thanks for letting me vent.

Comment by Mel Joyce on May 18, 2010 at 5:40pm

@Courtney, hanging in there. dealing with sorting out my dad's possessions. Its tough, i wish our possesssions vaporied when we die so that our loved ones don't have to go thru it and feel so awkward, all you want is the person back. I just want my dad back....not any of his stuff. so dealing with that trainwreck....emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, all my cargo is damaged and trying to make it work & piece back together to get going again.

Comment by Courtney Adams on May 18, 2010 at 12:34pm

@Mel how are you doing darlin??....I been sorried about you and.......@Pat How are you??...Hope you and Mel are doing good keep me posted and if you need anythign let me know???

Comment by Courtney Adams on May 7, 2010 at 3:20pm

@ Mel Your right moving day by day is not the way its moment by moment. Its hard but as long as you have people and family and even friend to help you thru this is becomes easier to deal with. The pain never goes away. I still find myself trying to call him asking if he needs something. Then I have to stop pull myself together, look up smile, and continue to go on with my life knowing he is watching me and knowing I am ok. My mom on the other hand its hard. we fight and argue all the time. I am not good enough for her anymore....I dont know what to do anymore.

Comment by Patricia Melton on May 4, 2010 at 3:57pm

Thank you again Mel for sharing with me. I have found a Grief Share program that is scheduled to begin on June 3. My pastor has agreed to help me until I can get in. The church that is having it says I can come and still meet with them even though they are training. I probably won't do that. I will just talk to our pastor. You have managed to put some of this into focus for me. I really thought I was going nuts. I never in my life thought anything would hurt this bad. I seem stuck and can't seem to move on. Your loss is very recent too. I am truly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. Thank you again for talking with me. God Bless You.

Comment by Mel Joyce on May 4, 2010 at 1:08pm

@Patricia, you know my dad was saved. That gives me comfort, but the loss of him has also left me unmotivated to go to church too. I barely can read or study my bible. My dad passed away March 4 and i have been to church 3 times and couldn't sit thru one because it talked about dying and going to heaven and i couldn't focus and just sat there and cried so i had to get up and leave. On that note, not wanting to go to church is common too and your feelings about God. I got a perfect analogy from GriefShare last week that helped me get perspective. I am sure you are aware of the verse, God will never leave you or forsake you. So imagine that He is the sun and you are in a dark basement. The blinds and shades are drawn and there is no light that you can see. You are in the dark, but you know the sun is shining. That darkness, those blinds or window shades are your grief. Right now it is preventing you from seeing the sun and feeling the warmth. BUT it is still there. Just like God, He is still there, we are just in the dark because of our grief. So the old saying, "a time and a season for everything under the sun". Again, you just have to find avenues or tools to help you open up the shades again, you won't be the same, but you will see the sun again. Just like Job and David, they had joy and they had anguish, as well as our Lord Jesus Christ. Just gotta tell yourself to keep moving along, moment by moment. By the way, GriefShare is a national organization, if you go to GriefShare.org you can type in your zip code and it lets you know if they have a group in your area. Hope this helps you. God Bless you.

Comment by Patricia Melton on May 4, 2010 at 10:39am

Thank you so much for writing all this to me, Mel. I just can't seem to get thru this and my feelings are just like what you describe. Its good to know I am not going crazy. I have been trying to find a Grief group. So far no luck. My husband last night just stated you seem ok one minute and then the next you are so sad its bad. I already am involved alot in our church. My dad also went to the same church so its alittle hard to go to church there but I am employed by the church so I have to go. In a way that helps. Thanks again for putting into words what I couldn't yet. You were a very big help to me. God Bless You.

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