My name is Stephanie. I'm 24 years old and currently Reside in North Florida with my girlfriend of 8 months. I was born in Munster, Indiana but lived in North Carolina and Georgia for almost 20 years of my life. Was raised southern baptist and have been in the church pews my whole life. I've been in and out of Rehab but not because I had a serious drug problem but because my parents were pastors and did not approve of my "Homosexual" lifestyle. My step mom and dad were married 17 years before my father passed away. My biological mother was incarcerated at the age of 7 and I went 12 years without seeing or before she got locked up. I was a very troubled teenager (like most) and suffered from physical and verbal abuse from my step-mother since age 9. I was kicked out at age 18 and been doing it on my own pretty much ever since.
About my Loss:
My father died from pneumonia 2 days before Christmas. On the 23rd of this month it will be a month since he passed away. My father and me did not have a good relationship and were not good terms when he passed away. I did not attend the funeral because I felt like nobody wanted me there. I have not been able to afford to go visit his grave....it's only 4 hours away but i have no transportation. I don't know how to get closure, and am very sad and depressed. It's taking a toll on me and my girlfriend's relationship...as I have become a very angry person. If there is anybody out there...a support group...other gay ppl that have religious backgrounds please feel free to reach out to me. You are not alone. We can help each other get through this.
"Today, I feel it.
It has been like this every Saturday since June, since the nurse at the care home called me to notify me that I could pick up my mother's effects. My mother died in April.
I am overwhelmed.
I am crushed.
I love you, Mom. I…"
"Sixteen weeks ago today, my mother died.
For some reason, I do not feel crushed today.
But every Friday is going to be like this, a reminder that she is dead. Not quite the kick in the stomach reminder that she is dead that I feel when I wake up…"
Carla is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"Yes, it is much harder for me to concentrate or focus now. Grief, sadness, anger, despair -- they have all conspired to make it difficult for me to access my intelligence to the same degree as before my husband died. That is, my…"
"Bluebird, I am glad that you took that the right way. I had a feeling you would know what I meant. And your description is correct: I have a general idea of how you feel but it's impossible for me or anyone else to know…"
"I guess I can emphasize with the things you loved to do dying with the one you loved - as if that feeling has been pulled along, stretched thin to behind the veil. You don't have the energy to pursue them anymore, and just having something that…"
"Please don't apologize; I'm sorry I didn't respond to your last post in April, I'm not very good about keeping up with things anymore.
I don't feel that I'm moving forward at all, but I can see how that would work…"