Comment

Comment by Mark Whitehead on March 5, 2011 at 7:46am

Charlene...Giving up on life itself is no answer , yes I know you question the decision that you made taking him off the life support but I am sure that it was the most informed decision that you have ever made. Yes I know about the pain of losing a loved one and you are right it still hurts today as much as it did then. You need to find some more people and keep talking it out and maybe that might help a litlle . I myself am from the medical field adn even with that backround it does not make it any easier to except the pain or to deal with its consequences. At the very least you need to keep trying to reach out here if you do not agree to go out in public, it is very important that you try to stay have some sort of support that is helping you. You may need to go to a therapist to help with your guilty feelings. Most of ALL you CANNOT GIVE UP . Life is too precious for you to give up on it.

 

Comment by charlene aragon on March 4, 2011 at 7:40pm

Hello everyone

I jst added this to another group i'm with,  so I'm sharing it here too

Its been a few weeks since I have been on here. I fell into a deep depression, and was pretty much done with life it self. I have support at home, I am working for hospice, and I wake up in the morning. My husband passed in January, and I had to take him off life support. Not a lot of people can understand what I'm feeling or going thru. The pain is as strong as when I had to let him go. I find myself missing him more and more everyday, I still find myself talking to him, or keeping my phone close at work incase he texts me. I lost the love of my live, and I have no life left, well thats how it feels. I haven't gotten much from this site, I met a few ppl who were awwesome to chat with, but my pain and heart ache run so deep that nothing seems to help. Being in the medical field as long as I have been, I know how to help others with their loss, but I can't seem to help myself, the hurt and guilt is too much. everyday I wonder, did I take him off life support too soon? could more have been done? I have written different things on this site and don't get much feed back, and thats what we need. I also wrote ..A SOCIAL COMMUNITY in the blogs, because some of us need more than just writing about it... . I go to work and go home, and stay in my room. I don't want to go outside, I don't want to talk to my friends I jst want to be with my husband, because being here jst hurts too much.

Comment by Mark Whitehead on March 2, 2011 at 3:02pm

linda ...I have things of hers all through out the house as well , I really dont know if it makes it better or worse either . You need to care about yourself linda I know how hard that is , god I know how hard that is but you really need to do it. Do you have the ability or training to aquire a job of some sort? Yes I understand about wanting to bring him home I had her cremated so I could have her with me until I die and then we will go to Fort Snelling Cemetary . How do we get thru well we have to wake up each and every day and tell ouselves that today maybe better than yesterday .Yes you do want to people do care , they just cant show it to us the way we want it I guess. Draw some support from us/me  I care . 

Comment by Linda Gutierrez on March 2, 2011 at 2:31pm

my whole house is still 'him', like ,if i moved stuff around, that makes it so final. does'nt matter that his urn is on the dining room hutch, . i still have pics of him and us that i want to get enlarged. kept his voice on my cell phone. don't know if all this makes it better or worse, really don't care. Don't care about anything anymore. I have no income, already used what was left from the burial policy. it got me thru till now. so i;ve basically lost everything, when i lost him. His family offers no help, the brother that could, won't , cause i had him cremated. First family member to do that. i wanted to bring him home, and im glad i did it that way.i wear a locket with some of his ashes in it. our ashes will be mixed and sprinkled in the ocean, the way we decided.other than these things, i keep waiting on him, time, just drifting around the house, no focus.how DO we get thru? do i even want to?

Comment by Mark Whitehead on March 2, 2011 at 2:12pm

I received a call from their therapist saying that the girls love me and miss me but I cant do anything about it because of the father , the therapist says she could maybe arrange a meeting with me and the girls although that might be difficult because it is very hard for me to travel I have a very bad back and it is a three to four hour drive to where they are. I have been on a solid string of bad days I dont know when they will end , I have my honey's things all over the bedroom. As you said still like it was so long ago now , I did get rid of some things but others I just cant seem to move like they are glued in place. You know I really cant grasp this whole time thing , I know I said it before but I just dont get it why cant I move the rest of her things because it hurts too bad and time just aint doing its thing like it is supposed to.

Comment by Linda Gutierrez on March 2, 2011 at 12:49pm

your so right Mark. We are not in positions to be of any help to anyone. I'd like to tell them everything will be ok, but, i know its not gonna be. The road they are on is gonna be verytiring and if they are in any denial stages, well , its a long road. I can't believe the grandmother took your babies!! Being totally alone is not good and i'm sure they need you as much as you need them. If i did'nt have these grandkids living with me i would not have a reason to even get out of bed! another month without my Babe.Been having a few bad days in a row. and when i have a decent day, i feel like i'm betraying him.Still have his clothes and everything in our room the way it was. Maybe i'll put his winter clothes away when i do mine. just not in any hurry to do that kind of stufff.

Comment by Mark Whitehead on March 1, 2011 at 5:36pm

Linda .. I think people believe we are some kind of emotional warriors once we have gone through this kind of pain we are supposed to know all the answers to help others when they are in the same sort of situations as us.. The truth is we dont have a clue ourselves how to deal with it, how to make it better.  

Comment by Linda Gutierrez on February 28, 2011 at 1:16pm

time? thats what they say, yet no one has a way to a short cut to get that time thing out of the way. altho i had years to pre-grieve, we lived in denial for so long. Thats a huge culprit. even now,i just can't wrapp my mind around it. Guess i'm coming into a 'phase' of total restlessness. i walk around wondering what i'm supose to do. unlike most of you, for some reason i've been able to sleep, untill recently. i think alot of my sleeping was a way out, and i was just so wiped out over those 9 months with hospice and family. still i could'nt really believe he was really gonna leave me. all the talking to his family about ''accepting what was about to happen' and doing it myself, well that was another story.i am still in denial. I have a friend thats in the same situation, her husband needs a liver also. i need to go see them and try to prepare them, to save them from what we went thru, who do i think i am?! i'm not coping my own damn self!

Comment by corinne raviv on February 27, 2011 at 10:42pm

Mark....reading your comment bought tears to my eyes.....not that I need a reason to cry. Does time help you asked....I am still searching for this answer. People that do not understand what we are going through say it does but I think that we know different. It has been 6 months since I lost the true love of my life. He died within a minute of heart failure in my arms....I cant get the picture out of my head. I try to keep busy during the day in hope that I will fall asleep at night...no such luck. I have very little support system and find myself just thinking about the past as the future seems very bleak. What can I tell you.....use this support group it really helps knowing that people understand what we are going through.

Comment by Mark Whitehead on February 27, 2011 at 11:37am

it has been 8 months since she passed away and yet no pain has subsided, nothing has gotten better time has not been healing this wound. It was bad enough to lose her but to lose my step daughters in the manner with which I did was even as bad , he had sorry he being their biological dad had their grandmother come and take them for a movie and then she never brought them back. No goodbyes , no hugs nor kissses for all the ten years that I had brought them up through thick and thin , sickness and health. All the fighting and the love that we shared. Just stripped away gone . Then to have my youngest son move out to go to college in August on my Birthday was just another blow to the gut that was already realing from the death of the one I loved so deeply ,then to lose the girls , and now to lose him as well has literally left me incoherent and incompacitated emotionally. How do you pick up the pieces and go on , I just try to get up everyday and find it a struggle. There is a vast whole where love used to be , where she used to be . Tell me does time really Help? If so how much? She was diagnosed with Ovarian , Pancreatic , and Liver cancer and we were told she would have Six monthe to a Year to live , then it change to Three to SIx Months , She died in a Month and a Halves time. I really hope that I can find love again because I dont want to live without that feeling of warmth and care and love .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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