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How do I live without the one person I can't live without?
I lost my soulmate, my bestfriend, my everything almost 7 weeks ago. The circumstances of his death were sudden and a lot of people still think it was a suicide. I knew my baby better than I knew myself and I know he didn't. He wouldn't have left me. We were both in a bad place when this tragic accident happened but we always told eachother it was going to be okay because we had eachother. I was depressed before we were together but i hid it from everyone. He was the only person to take my wall down and that I let in. I've had some things happen to me that a person shouldn't go through. I'm not looking for sympathy because I know people who have had it a lot worst. But whenever i was sad or I talked to him about this stuff he would hold me tight and tell me its all okay because he was here for me. Now he is gone. I don't want to live without him but I know I can't kill myself for everyone else. But what type of life is this? I'm only 24yrs old and i feel dead. He was my whole world. We spent every moment together other than work and we worked out our work schedules so we wouldn't have to go too many hours apart. He had a few people he loved pass away in the past few years and when he would get sad about it he would just hold me and beg me to never leave him. In every card or letter he wrote me he said that he didn't know how he could live a day without me. We lived for eachother. I got really sick a year ago and he cried to his mom that he would die without me. And when he died so did I, just whats left of my soul is trapped here. I don't want live without him but I feel if I kill myself I won't be brought to him. And I can't cause everyone the pain of lossing me too. I don't know what to do. I pray to God everyday to just take me to him or I beg my baby to come get me. I can't live like this and I can't kill myself, and I'm against anti-depressants for myself. I don't know what to do.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Danielle Slater on
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I completely understand! And I am grateful that I feel not alone. My whole world, ended october 29th, he was my everything my soul mate the closest person to me. Even my husband can not make sense of how close we were and never tried to. Everyday I can not find a reason to go on all I want is to get back to my best friend and I have no idea how I will bear the world without him. I have no idea how to get through anything without him, Im even scared to have stupid fights with my husband (who is supposed to be my best friend) because I can't do anything without my soul mate and life is just to horrible that i can't get up in the morning or i can't sleep
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And the worst thing is I'm supposed to love my husband as my best friend but he will never nor could he ever be what my best friend is and I can't find any joy or hope in the world
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I'm 29 and your 24 its our age bother at least me sometimes. we are still so young way to young to feel like this. I know dead feeling just being empty inside. I lost my soulmate my other half. He was one that I ran to about everything and now feels like I have no one even if million people are around its just very lonely. Every day I try to find new way of keeping his memory alive with photos and lighting candles For him. Try to find something. I am so sorry for hurt your going though
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Kate,
"We are still so young way to young to feel like this" is the line that I play over and over again in my head. I feel so pitied for myself and I know it's not a good thing to do while grieving, but I just can't help it. My wife was turning 24--I can't express how important she is to me then and now, but to live this life and walk this life for the remainder of my life without her seems to be a miracle right now. I don't even have the strength to fight on each day. :(
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Hi Stacy,
I am very sorry for your loss. As it has been 4 years+, I hope this message do not bring back the sad memories. I recently lost my wife and she was about to turn 24. I recently turned 31 and feel so dead inside knowing how long I have left to live to have to go through this life "alone". The pain is so great and intense that many times I thought of ending it all to be with my wife again. I am sorry I don't know what more to say, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone as I am not alone and in some ways, it has brought some hope to my life to be able to read others' stories. Thank you for sharing your story. From the way you describe your husband, he loved you a lot as my wife also loved me a lot as well and I believe, they will always love us.
I just wish I can shed of this physical body right away to be with my wife again--the love that I have for her is only greater now that she is no longer here with me.
Hollowness,
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