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Comment by Diane Grell on January 31, 2011 at 2:54pm

Jordan, I am sorry for your loss. Yes, sometimes people who take prescription drugs take to much without thinking of the dangers. I take percocet and Oxy-contin. I have overdrugged myself totally unintentional. The pain just wouldn't go away. (Got slammed into a wall while in an abusive relationship and fractured my spine) Developed osteoporossis and the bone could not support the fracture and t-9 through t-12 caved in.) Yes, its constant pain. I don't know the other facets of what was going on in your brothers life, but I genuinely care.

Comment by Diane Grell on January 31, 2011 at 2:50pm

Pam, Sorry I didn't welcome you earlier, I have not been myself. I understand though, my husband was doing meth with his sister and brother in law. Now, I think, why didn't one of those two cowards die? Then again, after all was said and done, I was absolutely the last one to know of him smoking that junk. ALL his friends knew. At the funeral thaat was the popular question to me from everyone, You mean you didn't know?" Most won't even talk to me. (Not that that bothers me, I don't do drugs, I have no need for these people and I think I would spit at them because I will always be wondering who the first to give it to him)

Comment by Diane Grell on January 31, 2011 at 2:01pm

Good for you! Cheryl don't waste any more of YOUR life fixing other people. You can only fix you! Oh how I know the feeling of being lost! During the week I am ok, I have work to contend with and keep me occupied. At home, I have an 18 year old son who is grown and takes care of himself. I feel simply USELESS!. On the weekend I can't even drag my sorry butt out of bed. I take anti depressants but I'm still depressed. From the minute I wake up on Saturday until I go to bed Sunday night all I do is cry. I would love to have my grandkids over for the weekend but I have no energy. Maybe one day I'll wake up and realize I have to go forward.

Comment by Cheryl on January 31, 2011 at 11:21am

Thanks for your reply Diane.  I feel like you do. It struck me reading your post that I've always been the caregiver of the family, the one who took care of all the details others didn't want to be bothered with, the one who got them outa their messes.  And in the middle of it all "I got lost".  I had so much to do for others trying to fix them I lost my identity.  Now, I have time.  Time.  And more time.  So, really that is like another loss isn't it? The good news is that God has carried me through it all and He won't leave me now.  But, I have my part to do too.  I really do need to change my thinking... cause if i just keep living in the past, then i can't move on.  However, all that being said, we need to take it slow, one day at a time.  Baby steps.  Thanks Diane for writing me back.  It's nice to know someone understands.

Comment by Diane Grell on January 31, 2011 at 9:04am

Welcome to the group Cheryl.. Yes, You want to save the only member of your family you have left. Just realize too you have to take care of you! You can only determine your life and your own outcome. As they told me in the hospital when my husband was dying, There was nothing I could have said or done for him. He made that choice and he clearly had a addictive personality. Ya know, the reason for all my depression is.... In the 18 years we were together, I cleaned up all his messes. I keep banging my head against the wall because I could fix anything he tossed in my direction. But I could not fix DEAD. He left too many unanswered questions. And to realize 18 years was it all for nothing? Sometimes I think i'm just too damn depressed to do any of this anymore.

Comment by Cheryl on January 28, 2011 at 10:34pm

My first brother died of 6 times the lethel amount of cocaine, but the pathologist said he couldn't have shot him self up and gotten rid of the evidence, all of which was cleaned up and gone. The brother who found him is now addicted to prescription and street drugs and his mind is almost gone.  Both parents and another brother died from cigarettes and my other brother died from cardiac arrest during surgery.  Sorry for going into all of that, i know this forum is suppose to be about drugs.  But im worried about the one brother I have left.  I don't know how to help him, I've tried everything I know of.  He resents me for many reasons, and I can't help that but I just feel like if I keep him at arms length now, then I won't have to get hurt anymore.  Does any of this make sense?  Sorry for rambling on.

Comment by Pam Brooks on January 9, 2011 at 2:12pm

On 3/26/10 I lost my daughter from an overdose of meth.  I don't believe she really meant to take so much.  I still do not know what really happened; she was hanging out with some people who I think should be dead instead of her.  I'm very angry over this.  She left 2 beautiful children behind.  I am still struggling to accept her death.  I had just talked to her the day before it happened, and we had made plans for her and my grandchildren to spend the weekend with me.  That never happened. 

 

Thank you all for being here. 

Comment by Jordan on January 8, 2011 at 12:11pm

I lost my 26 year-old brother, Lyle Whitney Hunt to legal, doctor prescribed narcotics. Accidental Overdose. Although there are many factors and facets to the man's life I am truly angry and am not dealing with this well.

Comment by Diane Grell on December 10, 2010 at 4:53pm

Hi I am a 52 year old widow. I lost my husband on 1/6/09 due to him smoking meth. At the end, I had started to suspect he was doing something but did not have proof. He hid his addiction so well. My life with this man was always up an down. I never ever thought I would loose him to meth. At the age of 46, his heart just stopped beating. It could not handle the poison he was pumping into his system.

The first few months after he died, I tried very hard to pretend that I was fine. But eventually it all caught up to me. I ache so much to talk to him. But then again I think would it have done any good anyway?

Now the holidays are here and I have slumped back into depression. Thanksgiving for me was the pits. We always cooked dinner together. This year however, my kids were off playing games and I was in the kitchen alone. I am not looking forward to christmas at all.

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